For those currently in or previously in a bad marriage

[ann3111]

I really need some support. In the past when I’ve tried people have responded “leave him”. If I won the lottery today I would be out of here with my kids and never look back! Problem is I cannot leave no matter how easy people make it look without any financial backing. And no I won’t get a penny from him for reasons I don’t want to get into but believe me I will not see a penny and court case to get anything will be years.

I have also called up women shelter and they were rubbish. Apart from calling me once a week to check on me they provided no guarantee that they would find a place for me and my 2 kids. It was awful and I never want to feel like that ever again, I was ready to leave with a suitcase packed and I will never put my kids it myself through that. I have no family in this country (UK).

I work part time but every penny goes to nursery and kids. He already pays the mortgage and all the bills himself so there is in reality nothing left out of his or my wage every month.

ill get into why I’m not happy: he’s cold, unloving and shows no interest in me. He never wants to be intimate with me. In the early days it was okay but now it’s zero. Since the kids he’s had no interest. Sex was just to make a family nothing else. He doesn’t talk much to me and doesn’t share. He does nothing around the house. He He keeps secrets and doesn’t share anything, I only found out yesterday his cousin in America is getting married and we all were invited but he didn’t tell me! I feel so unloved and upset all the time. I feel lonely.

please no unhelpful suggestions like “why did u have 2 kids with him”. My last thread under a different username was detailed by these comments.

I left with no financial backing (not married but partner and father of my DC). I was a SAHM without a penny to my name. I went and lived in temporary accommodation with baby DS and lived there until I got a council flat.

Probably was easier to do with a baby as they're more compact and won't remember anything.

It's never impossible. Living in temporary accommodation with children is shit, no doubt about it and I wouldn't judge you for not wanting to do that. But it's never impossible.

I really do feel for you and I am sorry to hear about your situation. It's not easy and I understand the daily struggle. I too have made some bad decisions, and am having a kid and knew this marriage wasn't for me, but had hopes things would change.

I think you need a game plan. It could be a 1 year plan or longer. First maybe try to work on your marriage, you probably did so much of this. But how about a therapist (sometimes they are covered through medical). Tell him how you feel. (I don't know if he's abusive or gets upset if you talk about feelings, if he doesn't open up to him) Second get a better job, tell him the pay is low, open a second bank account and have half the money go there and half in your bank account with husband.

Situations like this are tough, but I am happy you see that this may not be for you and your figuring something out for yourself.