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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How old/what was the final straw when...

9 replies

coodawoodashooda · 21/07/2023 06:43

...you gave up on your toxic parent? What made you realise the situation was hopeless? What did your decent parent do, throughout the whole experience, to make it better or worse? I feel like I'm going to be counter parenting with a narc forever. I'm exhausted. Any sign of hope? They are all preteen.

OP posts:
Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 21/07/2023 13:10

No one?

OP posts:
calmcoco · 21/07/2023 13:14

Your op is bit hard to understand.
Do you mean you a co-parenting with someone you consider to be toxic/narcissistic?

I would say the kids will work it out by the time they are teens.

Your job is to be honest but not overtly hostile, reliable, supportive and kind.

Theblackdogagain · 21/07/2023 13:14

I haven't seen my mother since I was around 19, I haven't heard from her since I was 28. I'm now early forties. I'm afraid your children will need to grow up and make their own decisions but my Dad was always there for me and supported me.

mrandmrsrobinson · 21/07/2023 13:30

How long is a piece of string. Depends on the type of narc you're referring too? It could be anytime or it may never occur. However once the penny drops then it is always seen, in everyone not just that particular person.

Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 21/07/2023 13:38

calmcoco · 21/07/2023 13:14

Your op is bit hard to understand.
Do you mean you a co-parenting with someone you consider to be toxic/narcissistic?

I would say the kids will work it out by the time they are teens.

Your job is to be honest but not overtly hostile, reliable, supportive and kind.

Yes. That's what I mean. Sorry. Hit a real low point this morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 21/07/2023 13:39

mrandmrsrobinson · 21/07/2023 13:30

How long is a piece of string. Depends on the type of narc you're referring too? It could be anytime or it may never occur. However once the penny drops then it is always seen, in everyone not just that particular person.

That's true. I guess I saw the penny drop years ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 21/07/2023 13:40

Theblackdogagain · 21/07/2023 13:14

I haven't seen my mother since I was around 19, I haven't heard from her since I was 28. I'm now early forties. I'm afraid your children will need to grow up and make their own decisions but my Dad was always there for me and supported me.

I'm sorry op. I can't imagine. I know that I have to let them find out. So heartbreaking though.

OP posts:
SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 21/07/2023 14:01

Straw poll of friends. Girls worked it out by about 12. Boys by 16/18.

Original poster
coodawoodashooda · 21/07/2023 14:24

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 21/07/2023 14:01

Straw poll of friends. Girls worked it out by about 12. Boys by 16/18.

That's interesting. My friend mentioned behaviour/attitude her daughter noticed, but her son did not. Mine seem so forgiving of his 'misjudgement'. It seems so obvious to me but then I gave him the benefit of the doubt before too.

OP posts:
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