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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Total stranger asked me personal questions

32 replies

ann3111 · 20/07/2023 20:25

I’m a temp, was talking to this woman today who I have never met and within minutes she asked me how much they pay me a day, how old I am and where I worked before I became a temp.

I didn’t answer the questions and kind of dodged them. She continued to guess my age and said a number that is 5 years older than my actual age. I felt she was really strange till another temp came to join us whom I do know and very happily told her where she’s worked before and her age. She didn’t get asked her daily rate. Was this weird or would you happily share this with a complete stranger? I won’t see her again as job is finished.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 20/07/2023 20:27

Other than asking your pay those are totally normal questions from a new work colleague, it’s making polite conversation and getting to no you.

Original poster
ann3111 · 20/07/2023 20:28

@TeaKitten the type of job it is she won’t see me again and she knows this.

OP posts:
Ultraviolet85 · 20/07/2023 20:29

You get this in work places. Plonked together with people you ordinarily wouldn’t choose to be around. I guess she maybe just thought she was making conversation not realising asking people their salary and age can be a bit iffy!

TeaKitten · 20/07/2023 20:29

It’s still normal small talk

Original poster
ann3111 · 20/07/2023 20:29

I wouldn’t ask a complete stranger their age, I think that’s a personal question let alone their salary and career history.

OP posts:
ISeeMisledPeople · 20/07/2023 20:31

The only normal question is asking about what you did before.

It's absolutely not normal to ask what age a colleague is the very first time you meet them!

I wonder if she's thinking of doing something similar.. but context for asking would have been useful if that's the case!

TeaKitten · 20/07/2023 20:31

ann3111 · 20/07/2023 20:29

I wouldn’t ask a complete stranger their age, I think that’s a personal question let alone their salary and career history.

Asking someone you are working with where they worked before is a basic normal question…

IglesiasPiggl · 20/07/2023 20:32

Yeah, pretty normal, apart from the pay question, which is a bit intrusive. You can just make it up if you're uncomfortable though as you're not going to see them again - nobody cares that much what answer you give in that situation.

Original poster
ann3111 · 20/07/2023 20:34

It wasn’t just a “so where were you before” she kind of wanted a run down of all the places I worked and when I started etc. I can’t explain it very well but it was really bizarre!

OP posts:
Inca22 · 20/07/2023 20:34

She's trying to gauge how much extra you're getting than her.

mymeatballsmymeatballs · 20/07/2023 20:36

Age and career history are perfectly normal small talk questions to ask. I wouldn't necessarily tell someone my salary but I wouldn't be bothered by telling them my day rate as a temp. They can't do anything with the information so why does it matter?

Parvolax · 20/07/2023 20:38

The pay rate I would assume was being asked because it’s so unfair how temp/agency staff get paid so much more than regular staff who usually do most of the work being agency staff don’t know the ropes. None of those questions would bother me, then again I’m an open book and I’ve been asked much more intrusive questions before and it doesn’t bother me at all.

ManuelBensonsLeftBoot · 20/07/2023 20:42

Perhaps she is planning to ask for a pay rise and wants to be able to say if young temps with no background in the industry are being paid X per hour plus agency fees then an employee with 10 years experience should be getting Y.

Original poster
ann3111 · 20/07/2023 20:42

Well she guessed my age at 50 when I’m 44 nearly 45.

OP posts:
noglow · 20/07/2023 20:43

The pay rate is completely unacceptable. Unless she's interested in temping herself I guess

Original poster
ann3111 · 20/07/2023 20:43

She just made me feel really crap about myself. She was 28, told me herself.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 20/07/2023 20:46

ann3111 · 20/07/2023 20:42

Well she guessed my age at 50 when I’m 44 nearly 45.

I think this has what's really upset you.
Shea random and like you said, will never see her again, just put it behind you.

Original poster
ann3111 · 20/07/2023 20:49

@TomatoSandwiches yes I think you’re right.

OP posts:
Porageeater · 20/07/2023 20:53

On what planet is it normal to ask a stranger how old they are unless you are both six?

WorkCleanRepeat · 20/07/2023 20:57

The salary question is usually off limits in workplaces. The other 2 questions are pretty standard (Although people usually stop asking your age once you are obviously over 30)

ASGIRC · 20/07/2023 20:57

Meh, perfectly normal questions in my opinion. I wouldnt have given it a second thought.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 20/07/2023 21:07

I think the age question is easier to ask when people are younger. I wouldn’t mind answering it but I’ve not been asked it in ages. Likely because I look older than 35. I’d probably act similar and wouldn’t ask it to older people as you don’t know if they’ll be offended. Guessing someone’s age is bad form especially when not asked and usually if I’m asked to do it I’ll subtract 5 years from what I really think.

bakewellbride · 20/07/2023 21:19

Some people are just a bit odd op. We went to sort out our wills and the solicitor - who i'd only just met - was telling me all about the ins and outs of her trying to conceive! Asked me questions about ovulation, is there an app I'd recommend etc. It was bizarre!

Threenow · 20/07/2023 21:26

The pay question I wouldn't be answering, but what's wrong with the rest? I'm always amazed at people who are so astounded that someone they don't know asks them questions, or tells them their life story - it's perfectly normal, and always has been. So many on MN appear to have lived very sheltered lives!

CaramelMac · 20/07/2023 21:42

Some people are just a bit….weird. I was in the break room at work the other day when a woman I’d never seen before came in and without introducing herself started interrogating me about my job, what exactly I do, how long I’d worked there etc in a very matter of fact way, she just seemed a bit odd and I found it a bit unsettling.