To be so upset about my children growing up?

[BigBlubberingBaby]

DC are 16, 13, and 11 and I would like to preface this by acknowledging how lucky I am to have the privilege of watching my children grow up.

I was clearing out the loft today and found so many of thier old things. I was having a lovely time going through everything, reminiscing about all the fun times they've had over the years.

I came across a weird looking teddy and tried to remember what show it was from but all I could recall was that it was on cbeebies and they were these floaty things with big eyes, so searched that and found the show - waybuloo. Searched on youtube to make sure and oh my god, I was not prepared. About 3 seconds into the intro I was a wreck. It was like the song transported me back to when they were little and the nostalgia has honestly knocked me for six.

I've been weeping on and off since 11 this morning and just can't seem to pull myself together. I've never experienced this emotion and have always been excited watching my children grow up but right now I'd do absolutely anything to go back and have my big ones be little ones again.

All the emotive, over the top rubbish that seems to be the thing when children leave primary school needs to stop too. Leaving primary school never used to be a month long sob fest. The poor children at my school end up wrecks by the time they've had weeks of parties, leavers shows etc
Whatever happened to saying cheerio on the last day with minimal fuss?!

I agree with this actually. I'm generally a big fan of encouraging kids to express their feelings, but it has gotten completely OTT and almost competitive, with kids and parents wailing like they've been bereaved.

OP, you are just having a very understandable moment. My "children" are 35 and 39, and I can still get the twist in my tummy and the wobbly lip. At this time of year it's programmes on telly about holiday destinations, specifically ones about the UK. We used to have such amazing times, camping in Cornwall. No, stop, where's a tissue....?

Mine is still a toddler but I really don’t want him to grow up. I am dreading the teenage years and hoping that he ends up being a good one and not horrible to me🤞Little kids are the best and not having them anymore is a really big life change and if you really enjoy that stage then it is going to be hard 😢 I’m doing as much as possible with mine and making all the memories (that I’m sure will make me cry when I look back at them in 10+ years) whilst he still wants to be with me all the time 🥰 The thing is though, as much as I don’t want him to grow up, we sadly can’t stop aging so the alternative to him growing up would be the worst thing in the world

@StopGrowingPlease

Your username is actually chilling. Just awful.

And as for all the #makingmemories shit. What existing? Living life?
Social media has a lot to answer for!

I was completely unprepared for the feelings of loss that encompassed me as my DC grew up. I think in part it’s because they will never ever be that 4 / 5 / 6 year old again. They are almost different people IYSWIM yet they are not, of course. But there is a sense of grieving for the little person they were. I can’t go to some of the places I used to take them when they were little as it’s too painful. I wasn’t prepared at all to feel this way at all.

But it’s important to recognise that we are blessed to be able to watch them grow into adults and enjoy a different but equally rewarding relationship with them. Many parents don’t have that opportunity and truly loving someone is about setting them free.

We’ve just booked our first family holiday without our adult son as he no longer fancies coming on a kiddy holiday with his sisters and it hurts like hell but it’s what he wants. I get it OP X

@Floatlikeafeather I'd give you one but I'm all out 😂

@otherwayup Not sure if aimed at my op or just a general rant. I was never overly emotional about any of my children's next life stages but I could still empathise with those who took the transitions harder than myself eventhough I didn't necessarily feel the same.

Why? It’s not an uncommon thing to say 🤣
I mean lots of people don’t do anything with their kids so no it’s not just ‘living life’ it’s finding activities that they will really enjoy and being an active participant in their life

I am absolutely feeling this today! It's my youngest's last day at primary school tomorrow; it'll be the first time since 2006 that I haven't had a child in primary. DS1 (21) is at uni and isn't coming home for the summer as he has a job (and there's definitely more fun for him to have in London than Warwickshire where we live!) and DD1 (19) starts uni in September so it'll just leave me, DD2 and the cat at home; time seems to have passed so quickly. I'm proud of the lovely, grown up people they're becoming but miss the chubby toddlers they were, who wanted to hold my hand and didn't find me cripplingly embarrassing for merely existing.

The passing of time really punches you in the gut sometimes, when you’re a parent. I think you just need to allow yourself to feel your feelings. No need to get a grip, as some of the more aggressive posters have suggested!

I love mine being 20 somethings. Fewer worries, independence and neediness.

Years ago someone started a thread “what’s the worst thing your child has ever done” cue lots of funny stories about trashing things etc one poster just put “growing up and moving away” really stayed with me for some reason.

I know what you mean OP but I always manage to ground myself with the fact that the only alternative to not going through the wistfulness would be that I or they died which helps me snap out of it pretty quickly!

Agree with others who say the alternative to kids growing up is horrific. Despite being someone who on the whole is relieved to have independence back and to be able to work more, go out with friends etc, I do have my moments of nostalgia. I too am nostalgic for that first pregnancy, it was such a happy time. Things were also less complicated. I now have a 16 year old and a 13 year old, both have girlfriends, both growing up fast. On the whole I'm embracing it, but I know I will feel incredibly sad when DS1 goes away to uni and he's not even around that much lol

My eldest has his last day at primary tomorrow too. The little one is going into year 4. And yes that Waybaloo music even at the time really got me! It goes so fast.

Posted too soon. I am also nostalgic for the 30s version of me, despite less sleep I had more energy (in retrospect), I was slimmer, I put more effort into things, my kids had two Grandparents left (although only one of them was on the scene), me and my DH were probably in a better place and the kids were not as expensive. Now I am menopausal, struggling to keep my mojo, a lot of life events (mainly bereavement) have knocked the stuffing out of me and DH and I'm a stone heavier. But, I can go out in the evening. Swings and roundabouts, was always difficult cause DH works shifts.

Hi OP. I ever felt the huge wrenches as they moved from one phase to the next. DH worked away A LOT and life was just about getting through. But I'd like to add a positive note. Recently had DD1 and someone who may well turn out be her future life partner over for dinner and it was actually really exciting. A whole new chapter, complete unknown and I suspect full of its own joys and sadness but wow, what a privilege to be starting out on it with them both. Fingers crossed, chin up and face the fear. Lots to discover.

My youngest is 18 next week - she'll be going off to Uni soon. It's breaking me.

It's different l think when they enter late teens, different kind of relationship, plus it's quite exciting seeing how life plays out for them. Both of mine are interested in working in different countries, l strongly encourage it, life is for living and l have lots of interesting plans and ideas for myself. I would hate that they chose to stay near me because l am on my own. I live a full life and am happy though so hopefully that won't hold them back.

DH and I were saying the same thing. Ours are now at or have left University. They are lovely people and good company.

But when we go out and see primary aged children running around we do get pangs.

I just saw an Instagram post with an emotive poem about ‘holding your child’s hand one last time for their last walk to primary school’ and the account holder had shared it with the caption ‘thinking of all the parents whose children have their last day of year 6 today’

and it made me think of your post!

I mean 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯