To be slightly annoyed at smug attitudes!

[PollyPeep]

I might get some flack for this but it's in no way a criticism of all parents of only children ... Just perhaps some of the ones I know! My eldest child (age 4) has been struggling with learning to share since our youngest came along 18 months ago. Sometimes gets frustrated and annoyed when youngest takes their toys and sometimes acts up when they feel the youngest is getting my attention, but generally has coped really well with making space in their life for a sibling. However... I have quite a few friends who just have one child the same age, with no plans for any more, and I've come up against some things like "oh my child is very good at sharing, she has no trouble sharing toys at nursery" or "my child can wait for my attention if I'm on the phone", "my child is very well behaved at soft play" or judgy looks when my eldest is acting up when I'm having to attend to the youngest, and comments about how my child is showing difficult behaviour.

AIBU to think there's a vast difference between sharing toys at nursery / waiting for a three minute phone call / being well behaved when they have the parents sole attention - and actually dealing with the reality of another child in their space constantly? My child would also be very well behaved if they had my constant attention and focus on whatever they were interested in (and was up until 18 months ago!) but instead I'm made to feel like it's a failing on the part of my child for something their child doesn't even experience.

Am I being reasonable or just over sensitive!? Also, I'm feeling like having an only child is the only sensible option these days 😆

They are definitely being rude, and would be whether they had one child or ten, assuming they are saying these things as a reaction to you mentioning your child having difficulty with these things/seeing it in action?

I would just ignore them each and every time, or just smile sweetly and say "how nice for you". And maybe get new friends, they sound awful.

I only have one, by choice but I would never comment on anyone else's child's (perfectly normal and reasonable) behaviour. I'm full of admiration for anyone who can cope with more than one!

YANBU.

No one should be commenting on another child’s behaviour & comparing it to their own children. Completely rude & inappropriate.

Also, setting themselves up for a fall as children’s behaviour has natural ups and downs over time - their perfectly behaved children might not be over time.

Try not to let it upset you, it says way more about them than it does about you.

Do you actually believe them when they make these claims? I'd be thinking 'one swallow does not a summer make'.

They are being rude and I think personality plays a big part in how ‘good’ a child is at sharing when they are very young.

My DS looks like he is very good at sharing, despite having a baby brother. In reality it’s a combination of being a little bit shy (so not grabbing toys back) and naturally loving the praise that comes along with sharing.

My best friend has an only child the same age who is much more confident/seeks approval less and snatches toys regularly.

Both are lovely two year olds and neither have the capacity to fully understand sharing/empathy/etc.

Your friends are being incredibly rude to comment. I have an only DC (by choice) and I absolutely appreciate how easy my life is compared to families with more than one DC .. I do (secretly of course) wonder why so many people choose to have more than one child when they are clearly struggling with behaviour, financial issues, lack of time, dealing with constant demands for attention etc etc but I would never say anything.

They sound a bit sanctimonious

I hear this sort of thing all the time (not just in the context of children). Really annoying, if you notice you do this please stop.

I would make a comment that throws it back on them, eg 'Yeah, I shot myself in the foot having another baby - it's not possible to be precious once you have two.' If they have any self-awareness they'll realise and shut up.

I remember laughing at one mum who reckoned her child had only ever had one meltdown tantrum . Yeah right .

Parent of an only child here, and they are doing total dickheads. I don't understand how some parents don't have a filter or engage their brain before speaking sometimes. Ignore them, they're probably full of shit anyway.

The difference between you and them is they will take all the credit for anything their kid does well whereas once you have two you realise its just luck usually

But only a don’t have to share - and nursery toys aren’t theirs to share they belong to everyone.

They don’t share parents attention. They don’t share bedrooms.

You can certainly pick out only children in a classroom.

Tell your smug single child friends to fuck right off as frankly they're in no place to comment as they haven't a clue.

So much this. I thought I was doing such a great job having 'created' this easy going, compliant child. Then along came DCs 2&3 to teach me all about the difference your child's personality makes.

So right about taking the credit! My first was a great sleeper and I went around telling everyone who would listen about my excellent sleep training skills, how all they needed was a strict timetable etc.... Second baby came along and I did all the same things, but did he sleep...? Looooooll no, he did not! Same parenting, entirely different results. My kids have very different temperaments, their brains work in different ways and they behave differently as a result, despite the same parenting.

@Ragwort Haha you may well question, and I do much of the time as well 😆 I suppose many people are considering the longer term when they have another child. It's hard at the beginning, but when they reach an age that they can play together it suddenly becomes much easier, and the pressure on you as a parent to be the main entertainment at home does ease as well. Having a sibling is usually a source of joy and comfort throughout life, and we wanted that for our children. Even though day to day it's more hectic than having just one, we hope the benefits to both of them outweigh that!