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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so ashamed of myself?

28 replies

Rainfull091 · 20/07/2023 09:36

Sorry if a bit evasive but trying not to be outed. I have a low 2/2 degree but regret doing it. I never had the confidence or self esteem to do it and in many ways I feel I shouldn't have been awarded it as I couldn't ever participate in seminars due to lack of confidence and was a trembling wreck when it came to presentations, so it's safe to say it was a fluke that I I it and when I look back at the graduation photos, I feel ashamed and like I am a fraud. My degree was in a area where on reflection, I didn't really need it. I haven't got any further in my career than I would have if I hadn't gone.
I went into a iob for many years which was very low paid and very below below skill set but it worked for me. I got made redundant during covid. Then had to leave another job due to bullying and lack of support from management. Now only doing adhoc temp work and feel so ashamed at myself. I know a lot of colleagues are wondering why I am there with a degree and my family always make digs at me not reaching my full potential.
I'm trying to apply for other things but end up pulling out even if I get to interview stage. I am self conscious of so much. My voice which everyone comments on (odd accent apparently even though I shouldn't have), the fact that I have this degree but have done little with it, the fact that generally, I have nothing to show for my almost 40 years on this planet. No kids, no husband, no successful career. I know I could benefit from counselling but can't afford to go private and the waiting list is horrendous. Everyone else seems so ambitious and confident in themselves. Just feel really upset and ashamed.

OP posts:
CherrySocks · 20/07/2023 19:54

I'm not sure why you tell your new colleagues that you have a degree, it's of no relevance to them, there's no need to bring it up.
Also you are kind of insulting anyone reading this whose child got a 2:2 and who has moved on in their life without making it into a big thing.
There are many different ways of living a meaningful life without comparing yourself to others.
You can set yourself new "goals" for the future - but not setting-yourself-up-to- fail type goals, more like micro steps / Atomic Habits moving in interesting directions.

Thisishard23 · 20/07/2023 19:55

Have you murdered anyone? No. Then you are not a failure!

Rainfull091 · 20/07/2023 20:02

They ask me about my qualifications and background. I would never tell anyone off my own back. I haven't intended to insult. I'm hardly in a place to judge anyone.

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