Dropping kids off for contact

[Hopelesslyn]

Ok so I’m just looking for some advice really .
when I speak to people in rl I feel they side with me because they are my friends so honest opinions most welcome .
so bit of background . Ex husband two sons (9 and 13) . Been split for over 7 years.
I drive he does not . I always did the drop offs pick ups as I wanted to keep the peace (I was the one who instigated split)
we used to live about a 20min drive away and he refused to collect as it would be to difficult for him . The children were little so it was easier to just continue to drop them.
I have since moved further away for the last 3 years . Drive now takes an hour via car . Because I moved away I have been doing drop off picks ups but I have recently had another baby with my partner.
with working life and a new baby it’s becoming increasingly difficult to do both drop offs and pick ups as he only has our sons for one night . So drop off is at 12 then we collect at 5pm the following day.

is it unreasonable for me to say he needs to either collect or bring back the children ? Or to meet half way? Everything I read has pointed out that I moved further away so I should be the one to continue to drive them.

AIBU to ask for some input in travelling to and from his home?

He is right

He is right

It's certainly right he doesn't HAVE to but CMS is well understood to be the bare minimum and right doesn't mean fair or reasonable especially when mum has the expense 12 days out of 14 and all the extras

All these changes were things you chose (the divorce, the move, the baby) and your children have just had to put up with. So, I think you’re morally obliged to facilitate their relationship with their dad in this way, even though it is inconvenient.

Just to make it clear my children were part of the decision making on moving . We had alot of discussions with them and if they had even mentioned not wanting to move I would have never moved them .
my partner has never declined taking the boys to and from their dads . He treats them as his own and does more for them than their father ever has and has done without being asked because he’s just a good person . But I’ve always thought it important for them to have an ongoing relationship with their father so have tried to make this as easy as possible for them .
I “chose” divorce because he was not a good husband or even a slightly kind one to me so I made the choice to show my boys that treating someone you are supposed to love that way isn’t right and doesn’t have to be put up with .
I just don’t want you to think I met someone new and whisked my children off and had another baby as that is not what happened. Life happens and things change I shouldn’t have to carry the mental load forever surely? Does this only stop once they are adults ?

What if he was abusive? Or cheated? Is that different?

Must the OP be responsible for EVERY single pick up and drop off because she dared to leave him?

What about him? Does he have no moral obligation to maintain a relationship with his children?

All those adamant that it is 100% OP’s duty to do all drop offs and collections, if she turned round and told EXH that he can only see them if he comes to collect them would that be fair?

That’s what EXH did. He hasn’t changed his shift pattern, sees them when it suits him and makes OP do all the travelling even when they were 20 mins away. She’s even offered to split the difference and drop them at EXH’s parents which seems to be midway. Perfectly reasonable suggestion that has also been rebuffed.

Why does EXH dictate travel arrangements but OP doesn’t?

It is hardly your fault that an adult male has not learned to drive and it would not be at all unreasonable to tell him he must collect his children. What's the betting he won't actually bother?