Anyone else here who had to make peace with the fact that love and relationship just isin’t in the cards for you?

[RiskItAllForHappiness]

How did you do it?
How did you find peace and happiness in being single?
And this for those who don’t have children, how do you except you’re not loved, this one is slowly killing me.
And how do you deal when you see couple, or when people go on and on about their relationships. Or ask about your dating life, how do I deal with the shame that no one wants me, I get so embarrassed in these situations!

Is having children alone an option for you? I also think if meeting someone is very important to you that it can happen and you shouldn't give up.

I think if people keep questioning you then come up with an answer in your head that shuts it down, those people are being nosy and insensitive.

Meant to add that apart from a couple of relationships I have been single a lot of my life with no kids.

I do sometimes think I missed out not having children, but when I was younger I didn't want them. Im now 46 and love my own company but would like to meet someone.

However I travel and do things on my own or with friends. There is no easy answer I think you just have to carry on and find things that you enjoy and get pro active if you really want to meet someone.
My sex drive has fallen off a cliff so I can't see how I would meet anyone! I feel like at least I have had great sex in my life and can tick that box!

I find it helps to focus on the negatives that relationships and other people bring. In turn that leads you to think about the opposite positives. For instance being single means you won't suffer domestic violence from a partner, he won't cheat on you, you can do what you like when you like, wear what you like, there's no argument about what you watch on TV.

What people struggle with is that they can't accept they won't have their ideal relationship. Most relationships are far from ideal though, they are full of compromises, resentments and disagreements.

My biggest hope is that by the time I'm 70ish there will be companion robots or even carer robots that appear close to human but can be programmed to be your ideal partner. An Alexa in humanoid form. Still seems far-fetched today but the idea that they'll be available in a couple of decades is no more far-fetched than any particular individual finding their perfect partner at the right time and living a perfect life together.

I don't know what your age is - I've found coping with being single and without children does get easier as you get older. I couldn't have children (had a tumour when very young) and didn't ever marry - it was really tough when all my friends were getting married and having families - I remember crying when my friends had babies - but it's easier now, although now friends are having grandchildren - but you learn to value friendships and gradually accept this is how things are. I still find my life very worthwhile!

It is a genuine worry not having that family support network as you get older, and yes we miss out on lots of things - on the other hand I've been free to travel and move around and live in different places. I have married friends with kids and grandkids who envy me that.

You do need to give yourself permission to grieve not having the husband and family you wanted. It's an absolutely valid grief. It's always a part of who you are. It always sets you apart from friends who are married with kids. It's not an easy road we travel on, and I can sympathize completely with your feelings. They will get easier, gradually, over time - but never completely go away.

The one thing I would say to any single woman, is make sure you are financially OK - there is never another income to help you - so make yourself as finally secure as you can, this really counts in old age.

I'm in Australia - a book I found incredibly helpful was She I Dare Not Name by Donna Ward - her account of being a single woman without children and how she coped with it. Worth a read if you can find it. I really recommend it.

Don't know if any of this helps... you just gradually learn to deal with your lot I guess. I honestly do understand.

How old are you? I was 40 before I met my DP and had been single all my life prior to that. Well, the odd date/fling here and there but no long-term relationships.

The no children part didn't bother me, I never wanted any, and until I met DP I was pretty happpy being single to be honest!

@Turquioseblue that's a really good point about finances. Also having the money to do stuff helps too, I don't mean expensive exotic holidays, but classes, courses , gym etc

Ive just had a private appointment regarding the menopause after waiting for almost a year on the NHS. Being able to do this was a big relief.

“I find it helps to focus on the negatives that relationships and other people bring. In turn that leads you to think about the opposite positives. For instance being single means you won't suffer domestic violence from a partner, he won't cheat on you, you can do what you like when you like, wear what you like, there's no argument about what you watch on TV.”

^Is that a joke post?

I have a child so it's a different situation but I've no intention of ever having a serious relationship again. Been single for 15 years.

I genuinely don't care what other people think. I'm not single because no one wants me, I'm single because I choose to be.

Why do you think you will never find love? How old are you?

Thank you for the amazing post turquis!

You do need to give yourself permission to grieve not having the husband and family you wanted. It's an absolutely valid grief. It's always a part of who you are. It always sets you apart from friends who are married with kids. It's not an easy road we travel on, and I can sympathize completely with your feelings. They will get easier, gradually, over time - but never completely go away.

This is so true.

I find it helps to focus on the negatives that relationships and other people bring. In turn that leads you to think about the opposite positives. For instance being single means you won't suffer domestic violence from a partner, he won't cheat on you, you can do what you like when you like, wear what you like, there's no argument about what you watch on TV.

It’s ’funny’, because I’ve searched all the threads about positive side on being single, so many comments like these on them.
Who knew so many relationships were so awful!

Bringing children into the world because you want someone to love you is yikes

@Miajk ohh I thought you wanted children!? I misunderstood your post!

Wanting someone to love you is part of having children though, just not the only reason obviously.

Never wanted kids.
Accepted that relationships and marriage unlikely to happen now. I don't envy many marriages however so doesn't really get to me. I also love my own space.
Sad that there is still a stigma however.

I think the main thing to do is focus on keeping living. Do lots of different things and have different sets of friends. It does take effort to keep up the friendships but is worth it. I have a friend who met their partner when 60 and are very happy but they both have lots of things they still do separately.