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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Awful in laws

6 replies

Sarah061991 · 19/07/2023 21:52

Outside perspective needed

My husband is a lovely, laid back, hard working man and a hands on father to our kids, our daughter and my older children who he has been dad to for many years.

His family however. They would argue black was white, everything is an issue with them, if we go on holiday it's constant digs about going abroad but not coming to visit them, (we live in Wales they live in Edinburgh). We recently got married, his mother complained about everything yet they didn't so much as send a card, in actual fact his mum wore white to our wedding too. Any interactions with them on the phone is met with constant gripes, if daughter doesn't want to speak to them they say things like 'oh is mummy keeping you away from us'. They make no effort to visit us despite being retired, we both work shifts and the kids are in school except youngest so we are hardly sat twiddling our thumbs. I don't even know my question really tbh, just how do people deal with in laws who really aren't there type of people, I feel bad for my husband because I know he is embarrassed, he does call them out in their crap too

OP posts:
Needsomeadvice33 · 19/07/2023 22:16

I would stop talking to them and leave them to your husband.

Createausername1970 · 19/07/2023 22:24

If your husband thinks the same as you do, then it's not just you. So either ignore them or respond politely but firmly to their silly comments.

But support your hubby, as it's not always easy to call out your own family.

Babybabybabyy · 19/07/2023 22:28

I’ve got a similar set up but I just don’t contact them. The last time they visited I was genuinely busy that day so didn’t even have to see them. Mine also make really rude or unnecessary remarks about things and I was listening to a podcast the other day which said the best thing to say in response to these types of comments or any time someone has said something rude to you is ‘sorry?’ with a confused/questioning tone, so they have to repeat what they have just said. They said it highlights what they have just said and makes them feel stupid while you haven’t had to say anything rude back as you’ve acted like you’ve genuinely just not heard them

princessrapunzel · 19/07/2023 22:45

I have similar and i tolerated it for a while but i just ended up blocking them from being able to contact me and the rare occasion they do come over i either go upstairs or i just dont make convo with them. I never stop them from seeing the kids but i leave it all to my husband. Its sad and frustrating to have to be like that but it just brings you down for no reason at all. If your husband sees it to im sure hel support you in taking a step back

Sarah061991 · 19/07/2023 23:46

Babybabybabyy · 19/07/2023 22:28

I’ve got a similar set up but I just don’t contact them. The last time they visited I was genuinely busy that day so didn’t even have to see them. Mine also make really rude or unnecessary remarks about things and I was listening to a podcast the other day which said the best thing to say in response to these types of comments or any time someone has said something rude to you is ‘sorry?’ with a confused/questioning tone, so they have to repeat what they have just said. They said it highlights what they have just said and makes them feel stupid while you haven’t had to say anything rude back as you’ve acted like you’ve genuinely just not heard them

This is really great advice tbh, as a lot of things they say are way out of line, repeating them hopefully would embarrass them into being quiet

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/07/2023 23:53

Needsomeadvice33 · 19/07/2023 22:16

I would stop talking to them and leave them to your husband.

This.

There is no need for you to get involved at all

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