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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not really want to have a large party for dd's birthday...

23 replies

paddingtonbear1 · 25/02/2008 20:48

dd is in reception, and has been invited to 5 parties up til now, and in the last few days we've got another 5 party invites! It's not that she's dead popular, many of the mums seem to be hiring halls and entertainers and inviting the whole class to these parties. Now dd is asking what we are doing for hers!! I am dreading it, dh says maybe we should do the same but I really don't want that.. dd is in a class of 28. is this the norm? Up til now we've just had family/close friends parties. Of course I don't want to disappoint dd . No idea how much these kind of parties would cost, but am hoping I can just take her closer friends to a play centre or something? dh says that sounds a bit mean!

OP posts:

yelnats · 25/02/2008 20:51

How old is your dd?

Original poster

paddingtonbear1 · 25/02/2008 20:56

dd is 4, will be 5, but her birthday isn't yet. I do know who some of her friends are but they change in reception don't they?

OP posts:

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 25/02/2008 20:59

Around here it is whole class parties until they get to YR2.

It can be done cheap enough if you put your mind to it, but quite frankly I would rather throw £300 at it and be done.

Pitchounette · 25/02/2008 20:59

Message withdrawn

Hulababy · 25/02/2008 20:59

Whole class parties at this age can be quite popular. I suppose it makes things easier in mnay ways - no having to choose between friends, etc.

However not all children have whole class parties and it works well for them too. Do what suits you and DD.

What does your DD want?

sagacious · 25/02/2008 20:59

Team up with another mum whose child is 5 around then?

YANBU it is a pain (and it only gets worse)

Remembers the 30 little horrors darlings at ds's 6th party

MsPontipine · 25/02/2008 21:00

Even if you invite all 28 the chances are not all of them will be able to come.

For the last 2 years I have hired a local village hall (£25 for the whole day - assume others are around that) I did wonder about entertainer/magician etc but they can come pricey - a cd player and a load of small prizes for the usual pass the parcel, musical chairs etc have gone down well instead. Ther's usually plenty of room for adults too so the family and friends needn't be missed out. Maybe one has a talent for face painting or something? A few sandwiches, hoola hoops and a cake - enough to make any lo's day.

Also the ideal opportunity to meet your dd's new friends and their parents.

Pitchounette · 25/02/2008 21:01

Message withdrawn

luckylady74 · 25/02/2008 21:01

If you hire the local scout hut, add a bouncey castle and make the tea yourself it's not too much money, but you are not obligated in any way! Turning up with a present is about the only obligation you have when you go to their party.
ds1 is 6 next week and, for various reasons, we're taking extended family and just 2 of his friends to a kids theme park. I do not feel guilty about the parties he's been to.What we're doing is the thing he'd like best and he'd hate a big party for him.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 25/02/2008 21:04

Pitchounette

I live in Surrey. £300 buys you feck all.

At least £50 for the hall for three hours, entertainer, food, organic (naturally) and small party bags,( a book and a slice of cake)

RosaIsRed · 25/02/2008 21:04

I have done two hall parties early in my parenting career - never again! Now I have 10-12 children at the house, 2 hours max, party games, party food, a treasure hunt or some such and they all love it. I did a jungle theme for DD3's 5th party last summer - we put up camouflage netting, soft toys and blow up animals in the garden, gave them all foam explorers hats - adapted all the traditional party games to fit the jungle theme and they had a blast. The only expense was buying the netting and we got that secondhand from an army surplus shop and a few blow up jungle animals from a party supplier.
Really, keep it simple, all they really want at that age is their favourite friends, some jelly and a game of pass the parcel.

Original poster

paddingtonbear1 · 25/02/2008 21:04

dd doesn't really know what she wants - I don't think she would mind too much really. She wouldn't be expecting a huge party, just something..

OP posts:

TurkeyLurkey · 25/02/2008 21:09

Round my way people tend to do what they like. Some have whole class parties, others just do something small for a few close friends. DS has just had his party, I took 4 of them bowling and had 7 round for his Birthday tea. It was great, really personal and whats more he LOVED it.

Do what you (and your DD) want to do and don't bow to pressure.

Original poster

paddingtonbear1 · 25/02/2008 21:10

at the hall parties dd's been to so far most of the parents don't stay, it's not been encouraged. Have visions of me and dh trying to entertain 20 kids!! I think I would run home and leave dh to it !!
I like the idea of a bouncy castle though, or the blow up jungle animals. The theme park is good too, dd would love that, there are a couple driving distance from here..

OP posts:

cat64 · 25/02/2008 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jasper · 25/02/2008 22:38

I have 3 kids 9,7,6 I work part time.
I am knackered.

I have never had a big party for any of them EVER and I don't intend to.

Original poster

paddingtonbear1 · 25/02/2008 22:46

actually the noise thing is a good point cat64, I'd not really thought of that! we took dd to a 'family disco' recently organised by her school pta. dd loves music and I guess I thought as it was aimed at young kids the noise level would be lower than at an adult disco. How wrong i was - it was too loud for me!! dd was not impressed and stuck her fingers in her ears!
I feel better about this now, I think I will either go for a day out, or a smaller party at our house or at a soft play.

OP posts:

hippipotami · 25/02/2008 22:48

Don't feel pressurized into something you don't want to do.
My dd is in reception to and has been to most - but not all - parties held by her classmates so far. Some children have had whole class parties (both sets of parents had personal reasons, one boy did not socialise well so his parents tried to help him by inviting the whole class, and one girl was new to the school after Christmas so a whole class party helped her make friends), some (like my dd) have had small parties (10 or so friends) and my dd's best friend had a day out in London to see the Crown Jewels with my dd as her only guest.
But fear not if you choose to do this, my dd's best friend is still invited to most parties despite not having a party herself, so it makes no difference what you do.

So, cut long waffle short, just do what you and dd would enjoy most. Because it is your dd's day. Not anyone else's

twinklytoes · 25/02/2008 22:55

do what you feel comfortable with.

seems the norm here to not have whole class parties. dd1 been invited to three so far but there's been more.

I've got dd1 to list her friends and that amounts to about 10 girls plus 5 out of school friends. though debating doing a shared bday with another girl in class this year.

hippipotami · 25/02/2008 23:10

Shared parties are the way to go!! Dd had a shared party with a friend who is at the same school but in a different reception class (3 form intake this school)
So each girl had 9 friends to invite, we hired a hall (£45) and hired a lovely girl to do dance routines with them (£60)
We did the food ourselves (sandwiches, sausage rolles, quiche, fruit, crisps, biscuits, cakes) and made the invitations ourselves on the computer.
So what looked like a big party in a hall with 20 children present cost each of us not even £75.
Definately the way to go

Original poster

paddingtonbear1 · 25/02/2008 23:20

shared party doesn't sound a bad idea. I don't really know any of the other mums at dd's school (I have to work and can't always do the school run), I still have a bit of time to try...

OP posts:

cupsoftea · 25/02/2008 23:21

no whole class parties here. Invite the same number of kids for her age - my dd will be doing this for her 5thnbirthday.

Rachmumoftwo · 25/02/2008 23:25

Ask the class teacher which children have birthdays near your child's birthday if you are doing a shared party, then you know who to target.

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