Would your four/five year old do this?

[Jazzybean]

My very nearly 5yo (September baby so not yet at school but has been at nursery since 18m) has a number of quirks and social/communication/routine difficulties (will be assessed re: ASD by CDC in November). Sometimes I find it hard to differentiate from what is typical and what isn’t.

One thing he has difficulties with is asking questions. He’s very chatty if able to talk about his special interests. Even with strangers/relative strangers. However he can’t ask questions. We went to the vet this morning and he asked me ‘can you ask the vet if she’s even seen somebody with a koala as a pet?’ right in front of her. I’ve noticed he does this very frequently. He won’t ask for things in cafes etc. but even with people he knows really well like his grandparents, he will usually ask me or DH to ask them. Despite the fact that the person can hear! He doesn’t present as particularly shy, I think to some extent he lacks the social awareness to be shy. I just wondered if this is just a 4/5 year old thing or if it’s unusual!

YABU - totally normal
YANBU - less typical

Does he ask you questions?

I am autistic and definitely did this as a child. It was put down to shyness at the time.

My ds does this now at 7, but now he whispers to me. He definitely doesn't have any sn but just extremely shy.

I think that's not an unusual thing to do. They want to go via you because they're not certain.

At such a young age a lot of stuff is not deemed definitive as there's a very broad range of expected behaviours.

Not being brave enough to ask for things in cafes or shops is very common in KS1.

Yes DS 4 does this. The more people that are there the less likely he is to ask a question, he asks me to ask instead. he would probably ask one on one, but I generally don’t think it’s unusual.

However he asks me questions relentlessly.

I started v young getting my children to do their own orders in restaurants etc.

They didn't like it and felt shy but I wanted them to learn life skills.

I'd prepare them for it and say 'you'll be asked your order. Have you decided' and so on. I'd order mine politely and then allow the to follow.

It's just typical 4 year old shyness.

In his head...."Dinosaurs/tornadoes/cacti are my favourite thing in the world. I know lots about them, and they're so amazing EVERYONE should know about them. So I'm going to tell this lady on the next table in the cafe".

As opposed to...."I really want to know if this vet knows anyone with a koala. But he's a bit serious looking. And I don't know if he'll think I'm silly for asking. My Mum is here so I'll get her to ask".

The first is something he's confident about. The second is a situation where he'd naturally be more unsure of himself.