I'm crying at my desk and I need help to calm down

[storminamooncup]

Apologies for the post but I WFH (so luckily can't be seen but also means no one to hug me!)

Some background context quickly - I have anxiety resulting from discrimination in a previous job (successfully took them to court). I'm much better than I was then, but still get counselling and on medication. Has left me with a fear of 'doing wrong' or having a bad manager again. Now in a job I like and manager is overall good. I have several other disabilities that can impact my communication and processing. With adjustments I can do my job. I work 9-5 from home but often do additional hours. I've achieved all my objectives and get positive feedback from clients overall. This year I brought in a lot of money.

However, I seem to be making a lot of silly mistakes these past two weeks in particular. My job, to keep it vague, involves meeting with prospective clients and then delivering a service to them.

Lately, my manger has been pointing out things that I haven't included or sold wrongly n emails or proposals to clients. Also clients have come back on proposals to say I misunderstood what they wanted or haven't included something they asked for.

So I'm crying, beating myself up and feeling really useless. I have had a panic attack. I have a meeting with my manager later to discuss and I'm worried. I've gone back through all my notes, Teams transcripts, recordings, email exchanges to see if I have indeed missed anything and there has only been one or two occassions. On other occassions the client is claiming they asked for something that I dont think they did. Nevertheless I feel totally incompetent.

I guess I just need somewhere to vent and people to respond with kind words, please.

Hugs, im sure your manager wants you to succeed, and will be keen to support you. It takes a lot of time to recruit and train someone new up to your level.

Run your wrists under cold water, splash your face and take some deep breaths ideally in the garden.

Think about some things you could suggest to avoid similar issues in the future e.g. summary email after every client call to confirm what was requested and their opportunity to say you've missed something.

I do these summary emails, several actually, but the clients might not mention something that was 'missed' until later, despite having several opportunities to tell me. So I've started cc my manager but that has made me feel worse as now he's spotting what I missed and questioning my approach.

I've been there 18 months so I should not be making mistakes imo

Can you tell your manager that you are having issues with anxiety due to this?

Maybe approach the meeting with a view to finding strategies together to help with your work?

Anxiety is understandable after your experiences but it does sound like you are catastrophising so try and focus on some positives about your work, skills, how you have coped and got through with difficulties in the past

We all make mistakes in our jobs, we are only human and hopefully the mistakes aren’t so bad that they can’t easily be rectified with a few kind words.
Does your current employer know about your anxiety and how that came to be? as I would hope they would be supportive of you and try not to make your anxiety worse, in my own experience being anxious makes me miss things that I would usually have spotted. You’ve got this, you know you can do your job well, we all have times when we aren’t feeling amazing (I certainly do!)and this is just one of those times x

Everyone makes mistakes. Telling yourself that you "should not be making these mistakes" is being too harsh on yourself. Think more about how you can try and minimise those kinds of mistakes in the future.

Have you had any annual leave recently? Too prolonged a period of working without a break can lead to us being overtired/worn out which makes processing slower and means we might be more likely to make errors. Similarly, if you are working all day without taking proper breaks or doing lots of extra hours in the evening - something we might feel we need to do if we’re worried about under performing - then this might be making things worse rather than better. Ditto eating well and getting enough sleep may also be helpful.

Do you have a checklist of things you need to cover with each client?
If not, draw one up so you can run through it each time.
You can create a copy for each call if that is practical which will then help with your summary email.

Make things as structured and automatic as possible so if you are feeling a bit frazzled you have some scaffolding to support you.

It’s a job - unless you’re curing cancer then it’s not life threatening and it’s not a big deal, companies have things in place to deal with things like this. Maybe see if there’s some additional training you could do or job shadow someone as a refresher.

Failing that if you have any annual leave book a few days off to get away from your work environment and reset.

I would defo recommend a process, if you don't like scripts or the co doesn't use them use the tick box list, be clear on what your products are - is there some online training around products so you are super clear on all the details?

You could add an exit review for clients - so go over what was provided compared to the email you verified with them, use that as an opportunity to upsell anything you think might help them or that was "missed". Sometimes clients do misunderstand what is offered or included or particular outcomes but its a good chance to sell more to them if they decide they want to do that, as long as your client interview/contract verification process is good you can hold them to it. Make sure its good.

E.g. I recently had new windows. On the last day there were some niggles and one window hadn't arrived so I though I will get the contract out and just check over. There were at least two other things to raise with them including new lead trim (expensive) they charged me for then didn't need, well I will be looking to remove that from the bill for sure and have had that conversation. I bet they "forget" to remove it and I will have to query.... so I will be asking for the invoice they should have with them on Fri in the am so I can speak to them in the office before workers leave my premises

Would you consider referring yourself to www.maximus.co.uk for support?

I think you need to be open with your manager about the anxiety you're experiencing and draw up strategies together.

Good luck.

My manager knows about my anxiety and other disabilities and I have adjustments in place and an adjustment passport.

I do have a checklist and other SOPs

Meet with my manager, he says some clients are being too pedantic, gave me some suggestions to do some of the other things better, told me all the good things I'd done well and actually was really lovely to me. So I feel better.

Good to hear your update, sounds like you have a very good manager who only wants you to succeed and is pleased with what you're doing anyway.
Clients can be a PIA
(just taking a break, as I'm mid-re-doing something for a client that completely changed her mind and need to re-read and make sure I've got it 'as she wants' and not missed something obvious)

When you meet your manager, come clean. Admit there's a recent problem and ask for support.

This is a different manager, a good one, not the bad one in your past . Don't blame new manager for the behaviour of the old one.

I could have written your post! Recently I've made myself errors and it feels like one after the other. I felt how you did yesterday- it's horrendous. But please know tomorrow is a new day, and it does feel better. I think it took about 5 hours yesterday for me to snap out of my feelings- but it did happen!

Glad you had a good meeting and felt supported.

I assume manager is aware of previous history. Cc the manager in can be a double edged sword, however if they are empathetic then they are just guiding you. If its a major issue you'd be pulled on performance.

Is it the same thing your forgetting to do, missing a sequence in a process?

If I were your manager I'd welcome a chat with your fears, owning mistakes are far better than hiding them.

Don't beat yourself up.

Everyone makes mistakes at work. I think the problem here is you are drawing attention to the tiny handful of mistakes or what sounds more accurately like pushy clients! No need to dwell on them whatsoever.

If you have gone back through the paper trail and the client hasn't added or requested something, or provided info when needed, that's on them. And they will know that. Yes you have to figure out a diplomatic way to continue working with them but ultimately they have dropped the ball and trying to pass it off as your mistake is just a tactic on their part.

I've worked on both sides (client/responsible for client) and sometimes for whatever reason a client is simply difficult and seems determined to find fault! It is business not personal.

It sounds like you take pride in your work so I know this is difficult but please take several steps back and mentally distance yourself. Put this mountain back into a molehill !