To find bedtimes an unrelenting utter nightmare

[KingsHeath53]

Kids are 6 and 7. Eldest is autistic and finds it really hard to settle and gets melatonin. But STILL.

Every. Single. Night. A fight to get them in the bath a fight to get them out. A fight to get pyamas on. Squabbling about which story or how many stories. If I turn my back for a moment they start fighting. Don't want to go into bed, don't want to lie down. Oscillate between mega hyper running round screeching or screaming agonising crying as though they are being murdered.

I would add I am a super patient person. I am not screaming and hysterical and adding to the drama. Just calm, consistent like they say to do in the books.

Bedtimes always 90 mins minimum, usually close to 2 hours and I have to sit with them until they are fully asleep or they become hysterical.

Not looking for advice (they don't have coffee, or ipads, or sugar, they have a routine and nice clean soft beds... they are just nightmare children), just solidarity. Anyone else have nightmare bedtimes???

Yes absolutely I'm there with you. Definitely the worst part of the day and I struggle to keep calm. Only dealing with one atm, DD is 4 and DS is only 5 months. So many years of this ahead of us. My monk friend would probs tell me to see it as a good opportunity to practise patience, but I might tell him to fuck off.

I hope I’m not just stating the obvious - I accept that you have probably tried everything already - but with my two, (one high functioning autistic, 16 months apart in age) I made sure they were tired out physically, with lots of fresh air and exercise during the day, so they wanted their beds.
Set routine - warm bath, teeth cleaning, then both into my bed with me for a story. Usually a fairly long story- a few chapters - to calm and settle them, then off to their own beds, tucked up, and left to self settle. They usually fell asleep pretty quickly.
When they were older, they read for a while themselves in their own rooms.

Do they need a bath every night? Could you try and drop some of those?

I feel your pain! We have this with our 7 year old who has adhd. Have you tried chamomile tea? Get the one with honey in it as tastes better. Sleepy cream from lush, a sleep spray, light show, tell them to pick their books after tea so they are ready for bed time, weighted blanket, blackout blinds, reward charts, communication cards so they know what is coming next eg pj's on, brush teeth, have a wee, book, in bed.

Thanks all.

I think they are just bad children and i should send them to boarding school as soon as I can 😂

Mine are younger and I don't think have signs of autism but can relate to it just taking so fucking long. I don't think the light evenings help either.

I can remember these days - it is really tough

Honestly, don't kill yourself trying to bath them every night. I used to have one bath a week as a child (old) - there is absolutely no need to do it every night - children are not sweaty. The scarcity principle might make baths easier too!

You have said you are very patient and do not shout, but............yeah sometimes you are allowed to lose your patience and shout! If they are being naughty and disobedient, you can assert your authority!

@hamstersarse on top of being naughty they are also filthy children. They come back from school with food in their hair, head to toe in mud. If I didn’t bath them I’d be scared they’d attract rodents in the night 😂

It goes against perceived wisdom but screen time works for mine. Let them chill in bed with a tablet or whatever (obviously age appropriate content) and they settle quicker.

Last night I did shout and my eldest wept bitterly and said it wasn’t his fault because he has a special brain and he ruins everything. So then of course i was so sad and snuggled him and apologised for shouting*

now in the cold light of day i know for sure he was playing me because he knows if he plays the disability card he can get away with murder

he was literally* swinging from the ceiling lamp when i had asked nicely a zillion times to calm down, into bed, no jumping, come for a cuddle, ok no jumping, thank you… he deserved to be told off!!!

What time are they going to bed at? If it’s taking two hours it’s because they’re not tired. Don’t bathe them every night - once or twice a week then a quick wash or shower in the morning a few times a week. Maybe they could pick a book or a chapter of a book each. Let them read by themselves for half an hour before lights out. At 7 I was devouring Enid Blyton Famous 5 and Secret 7 books. They’re a little older now and really don’t need a baby/toddler routine.

Absolutely worst time of the day.
Pre kids I had visions of reading stories, kissing them goodnight and closing the door to a quiet evening.
Is categorically is not like that 😩
One tells me they can’t sleep the second I’ve turned out the light - YOUVE NOT EVEN TRIED. Legs up the wall, banging on furniture. Eldest likes me to be around or nearby as they fall asleep and they’re about to finish primary school. By the time the whole debacle is over I’m ready for bed myself.

Or if they need bathed do it after school or before dinner. A time when they’re less wound up.

Mine are dreadful at bedtime. The line between tired and overtired is a millimeter thin, and my youngest can fight sleep for hours if she puts her mind to it. Eldest is starting to get onboard with the life lesson that feeling tired is shit, and cooperates a bit more, but still plays the 'I love you so much I don't want you to leave the room' card.
Then there's the ultimate delaying tactic where they suddenly become capable of playing nicely and quietly together, after I've been nagging them to do exactly that all afternoon....😂

Yes my 2 and they r just clingy little ones that only want mummy!

They are 3 and 6. Eldest had been going to bed for over a year by herself from age 4 and then when she changed bedrooms it stopped. It's back to one of us getting in bed and waiting until she's sleeping. Coming through during the night and will not go bk to bed unless I get in her bed too or her in mine. So basically I'm often sleeping in a single bed all night with her.

Youngest used to go to bed no problem. Put her down in her cot awake and she wld go to sleep. After our holiday last summer it all stopped and she wld scream the house down at bedtime and try climb out of her cot. So basically now she has to be put to sleep in our bed then we carry her through to her little bed. She is a nightmare to put to bed. It often takes an hour or more. If I take both of them if dh is out or working late, it takes even longer as they fight and youngest just doesn't behave. Last night I took them both she started singing so loudly she woke the eldest one up 🤦🏻‍♀️

At my wits end with it all. If they both wake in the night at the same time they only want me and youngest screams house down until I come. So we all end up in our bed until I can get them bk to sleep and sneak bk off with eldest to her bed 🙈

We need to change this. I plan to try and get them going to sleep in their own beds when it starts getting a bit darker at night. If we have to keep returning them to bed then so be it, it takes forever anyway. We often don't get them both asleep until 10pm! Bath time can start at 7.30-8pm so it is just absolutely ridiculous! I've tried doing it earlier and it just means we lose more time!

What time do they fall asleep? My dd 8 natural sleep time is around 9-9.30. It has been like that since she was a toddler. There's no point starting a bedtime routine at 7 in our house as she still only falls asleep around 9. We gave up on the idea of dd going up early-ish and us "having an evening" years ago. It's way less frustrating this way for us.

I put stuff in the bath that doesn't usually go in the bath, like a load of plastic horses went in the other day and I casually mentioned that they were in the bath to my (raging) 4 yr old and she ran right in there and took her clothes off and was pleading to get in.

Doesn't always work, but often it does!

total solidarity OP. I hate hate hate hate hate bedtime. 3 year old twins and EVERYTHING is a total battle. should add that i am not a patient person like you, but i do follow all the cues and rules - no telly, no snacks, cool, quiet, dark room, set routine, etc etc etc. they are just little shits and have been since xmas. (previous to that they were dream sleepers and i was very smug - this is probably my comeuppance!) i just tell myself that everything is temporary and do a lot of yoga / drink a lot of wine.