To think he's selfish for this

[Notshaggedbutannoyed]

Ok so this is likely to sound pretty but it's driving me crazy.

My partner has a habit of off loading right before we go to sleep.
For example; we could go to bed at 10pm and chat/read/phones etc... for half an hour to 45 mins. But when the phones and book goes down he see starts offloading everything that's on his mind and once he's done it's very much "right, I'm off to sleep, night!" He rolls over and is asleep in minutes! I'm then left mulling over everything he's said either in a neutral mood or a bad mood depending on what he's said. He does this every night and I'm not getting to sleep until 2 or 3am!
Some nights he will go out and I'll be in bed before he gets home. I'll just be settling down, mind at peace and not racing and then he will come in and start rambling and boom I'm wide awake again for the next 3 hours or so.

I've actually spoken to him about this numerous times and suggested he offloads earlier in the evening or when we first get into bed rather than minutes before we both settle for the night. He will stop it for a few days but then he's back doing it.

It's driving me mad and he's seriously winding me up because I feel it's so selfish of him to not listen and to keep doing this every single night.

Just say "I don't want to hear it" every single time he starts to offload. Tell him to write a diary instead.

It is very selfish of him and he's using you as his emotional punching bag. This is totally unsustainable. If he refuses to respect your need for peace before falling asleep, you need to accept that this relationship can't work

Have a weekly meeting, it's what we do and all of our small family get to speak in turn.

Why do you let it continue though? In the moment surely you can speak up

You could get in first.

You “Have you anything on your mind you would like to say?”
Him “Now that you mention it …”
You “ Go away.”

Put headphones on, roll over and pretend to be asleep.

Why worry about his stuff? Just say you need to be calm before bed, are too tired to digest and suggest another time.

Ear plugs

I'd insist on separate rooms.

Yep - put your hand on his mouth and say “We’ve spoken about this. I’m need to sleep now. You can offload any other time of the day, but not now. Goodnight.”

So when you have suggested he offloads at a different time, has he? Or just stopped for a few days doing it last thing?

You can prompt him earlier, perhaps when you first come to bed/just say you can't listen when he starts/wear earplugs.

He can pick a better time/write his thoughts in a journal/go to another room and talk to himself/carry on ànd accept you aren't listening. Or he makes no adjustments and soon finds himself single

I don’t know why it has to keep you awake though, just dismiss it from your head and go to sleep - he’s wrong for repeatedly doing it when you’ve asked him not to but you’re being a little precious to not be able to ignore it all and sleep anyway

Suggest he keeps a note pad by the bed and jots it all down .

What problems has he got that they’re keeping you up nightly once he dumps them but that you aren’t already worrying about on your own behalf?! Is he moaning about his work, because I’d honestly find that too tedious for words. It wouldn’t keep me awake though because I wouldn’t give a shit. Bad enough to bore yourself with your own work woes.

Bed is for sleeping or shagging. It is not a confession box. He needs to sit down and 'offload' over dinner like a normal adult and keep his brainfarts to himself at bedtime. I would smother him to be honest but I have zero tolerance for anything these days.

Thiss. Just tell him to stop.

And tell him to arrange a counsellor for himself weekly.

and tell him to buy himself a note pad to out by the bed to write down anything he needs to offload.

Why on earth are you tolerating such selfishness?

He couldn't care less about you or disturbing you.

You have been warned.

Dumpable behaviour.