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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking neighbours for money?

144 replies

DunePeyton · 19/07/2023 00:22

So my elderly neighbours have a big corner plot garden which is ridiculously overgrown. Enormous sycamores, including one which has a forked trunk which fans out and blocks a fair bit of our daily sun, and a eucalyptus tree which sheds its bark all over our lawn (but that’s not my main issue). Hundred of shrubs, vegetables,
nettles etc.

My main issue is I feel continuously invaded by all of their out-of-control greenery that grows over (or through) our border line, leaving me no choice but to constantly cut it all back and fill up our green bin with it. I don’t even like the thankless task of gardening!

I have a fairly large back lawn and a bit of grass at the front and a full cut fills up my entire green bin and I haven’t got space for their crap also! I have jokingly suggested to themthat maybe a gardener might be a good idea, but they are adamant they will do it themselves-
onky problem is they aren’t doing it!

AIBU to ask neighbours for a contribution towards our green bin subscription as I strive to keep a low maintenance garden and so much of the garden waste that fills our green bin is from our neighbour’s garden which doesn’t seem fair. I get invaded on the other side too, but it’s not quite so bad as they have a gardener once a week. Am I right to be pissed off? I spent about an hour today getting pricked while cutting back their rose bushes which are always creeping over our walls.

OP posts:
Leftbutcameback · 19/07/2023 17:02

DunePeyton · 19/07/2023 14:01

Just a little bit more info - they take pride in their garden even though it’s an Amazonian wonder. They told me they had a gardener once before but they kept pulling out stuff they didn’t want removed and so they stopped it and have said they don’t trust them. I felt that surely this was a communication issue and even if not, perhaps try a different gardener before writing them all off.

They live in a big detached home and they don’t seem poor (Land Rover etc) so I don’t think it would be a financial impossibility. They have kids in their 40s but never see them, less helping out in the garden. I think it is as someone has said, not being able to own up that they are unable to do it the same.

They haven’t got a green bin and I think they burn sometimes, but I think it’s unfair to pay £100 a year on a bin which I fill with their waste.

We have 5y ds so don’t want thorny roses coming over to prick him. I try and spray, pull off all the Ivy coming through but it’s destroying the fences. Some people seem to have no idea what damage plants can do.

I don’t enjoy gardening, but I’m not against anyone having a lovely wild garden, but at what point do you have to tame it a bit. I’ve got rid of lots of the huge undulating borders that were there when we moved in, and replaced with turf as we have young children and I was spending hours on end maintaining the garden. I’m not an artificial grass kind of person, but I am a boring low maintenance garden type-of-person.

thanks for replies everyone.

Thanks for the additional detail. In that case I think you need to have an honest chat with them about what’s coming over your side, and the time and money it’s costing you to deal with it. Ask if you can just pop everything back over the boundary for them to deal with (however they choose to do so). As an alternative suggest they keep everything a bit tidier at the boundary. They can keep their garden wild still, but need to realise it’s impacting on you. Good luck.

booksandbrooks · 19/07/2023 17:22

My neighbours overhanging and over grown, in maintained plants are a never ending source of jobs I didn't need but personally I wouldn't dream of asking them for money. I cut down what overhangs and weed when I can. I've always assumed it's all part and parcel of having a garden.

I would ask them if you can use their green bin sometimes though.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 19/07/2023 17:37

If they don't use their garden just chuck the waste back over the fence

Spirallingdownwards · 19/07/2023 17:41

TheModHatter · 19/07/2023 00:31

You are allowed to cut anything that overhangs or encroaches onto your property and put it back on their land.

This is not quite correct. You have to offer it back to them but if they don't want it you have to dispose of it.

TheBerry · 19/07/2023 17:53

HeddaGarbled · 19/07/2023 00:55

Ah, let the roses grow! Roses tumbling over the wall - how absolutely lovely 🥀

Agree, roses over the walls sounds lovely!

Dacadactyl · 19/07/2023 18:08

I have no issues with boomers but fail to understand what they did with their money if theyre not sitting on a pile of cash by now. Barring ill health I'm their youth they have no excuse to be pleading poverty.

doingthehokeykokey · 19/07/2023 18:54

Dacadactyl · 19/07/2023 18:08

I have no issues with boomers but fail to understand what they did with their money if theyre not sitting on a pile of cash by now. Barring ill health I'm their youth they have no excuse to be pleading poverty.

I think your understanding is exactly what’s failing here

Dacadactyl · 19/07/2023 19:20

@doingthehokeykokey you can think what you like. I stand by what I've said. If a boomer is not set up by now they must've been burning money.

heldinadream · 19/07/2023 19:32

Dacadactyl · 19/07/2023 19:20

@doingthehokeykokey you can think what you like. I stand by what I've said. If a boomer is not set up by now they must've been burning money.

I'm a boomer. My mother walked out when I was a child and my father threw me out when I was fifteen. I was homeless at a time when there were no services for homeless kids. I was homeless more than once. I'm pretty damaged actually.
Despite that I'm still here and I finally have some stability in my life. I'm not rich, or well off, and I never will be. I've survived.
I burnt no money en route. HTH.

Dacadactyl · 19/07/2023 19:36

heldinadream · 19/07/2023 19:32

I'm a boomer. My mother walked out when I was a child and my father threw me out when I was fifteen. I was homeless at a time when there were no services for homeless kids. I was homeless more than once. I'm pretty damaged actually.
Despite that I'm still here and I finally have some stability in my life. I'm not rich, or well off, and I never will be. I've survived.
I burnt no money en route. HTH.

Show quote history

Sorry to hear of your struggles?

Did you manage to own your own home at any time?

heldinadream · 19/07/2023 19:41

Thank you @Dacadactyl that's kind of you.
It took a long time and involved some dodgy relationships- not surprisingly I'm a bit rubbish at relationships - but yes, I'm in a house now that I own with my DH. Obviously I could say a lot more but I don't want to hijack a thread that's about something else! I just had to respond to the blanket judgement on boomers.

Dacadactyl · 19/07/2023 20:03

Yes fair enough, I actually forgot this was originally a thread about an overgrown garden!

Mutinyonthecrunchie · 19/07/2023 20:28

Dach you are insulting and judgy, why suddenly so sympathetic to someone's life who is also a 'boomer' horrible expression.btw. Jog along with your faux concern nonsense.
I'm an older person but I don't draw my pension yet and it will only be a state one anyway. I own my home but have never had pots of money for various reasons.
Many oaps are in the same situation.

thesnailandthewhale · 19/07/2023 20:29

Similar situation here .. my garden is fairly low maintenance. My neighbours on one side rent and the landlord sends a gardener round once or twice a year who cuts the grass and trims a few bushes. In the meantime I have huge brambles coming over my fence that I have to cut back or they would take over my seating area completely. Why should I have to take their rubbish to the tip? (Neither of us have a green bin). If they let general rubbish come into my garden I would return it to theirs, how is it unreasonable to do the same with their brambles?

Mutinyonthecrunchie · 19/07/2023 20:30

Sorry OP but daca had to be called out.

doingthehokeykokey · 19/07/2023 20:42

Dacadactyl · 19/07/2023 19:20

@doingthehokeykokey you can think what you like. I stand by what I've said. If a boomer is not set up by now they must've been burning money.

Clearly never heard the rather nasty phrase, the thick, the sick, and the unfortunate.
Sweeping generalisations don’t read any better either.

stand by you opinion if you like, but it’s an opinion, not a fact.

Hufflemuff · 19/07/2023 20:52

I'd probably be a bit over zealous with my pruning! Maybe then they will get the message and cut themselves.

Samlewis96 · 19/07/2023 21:05

Dacadactyl · 19/07/2023 07:29

We will have to agree to disagree on that. In my opinion, if you are 70 or over and own your own home, you will have money spare.

I don't think its possible to have paid off a mortgage in your working life/inherited a home at some point and now not even have enough money for a gardener.

Those people grew up in a time when jobs were plentiful and Pensions were decent. If they were ever in a position to buy a house, they will have a decent company pension on top of state pension.

Show quote history

What a load of bloody rubbish. House could've been bought in the 1960/70 s when ordinary people could buy on a single income. Doesn't mean that the people who have lived there for years have money. They might be on state pension / pension credit which isn't a huge smount

Dacadactyl · 19/07/2023 21:13

Samlewis96 · 19/07/2023 21:05

What a load of bloody rubbish. House could've been bought in the 1960/70 s when ordinary people could buy on a single income. Doesn't mean that the people who have lived there for years have money. They might be on state pension / pension credit which isn't a huge smount

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Yeah you don't have to agree with me. But if you were able to afford a house in the 70s, God only knows how you're on pension credit now.

crackfoxy · 19/07/2023 21:15

to be honest although this sounds like a PITA our green bin is £40 per year so unless yours in ££ I would just leave it

Overlycautiousbynature · 19/07/2023 21:16

Have you tried killing the roots via the ones that encroach on your property?

Spacecowboys · 19/07/2023 21:18

I wouldn’t ask elderly neighbours for money, no.

WarrenGRegulate · 19/07/2023 21:36

If this was my parents I would hope you would at least first ask if you could use/borrow their bin. They may be grateful for the assistance.

WarrenGRegulate · 19/07/2023 21:40

Samlewis96 · 19/07/2023 21:05

What a load of bloody rubbish. House could've been bought in the 1960/70 s when ordinary people could buy on a single income. Doesn't mean that the people who have lived there for years have money. They might be on state pension / pension credit which isn't a huge smount

Show quote history

@Samlewis96 👏🏻 Yep 👍🏻
(I wish I hadn’t opened this post)

Pringleface · 19/07/2023 21:44

TheWayoftheLeaf · 19/07/2023 17:37

If they don't use their garden just chuck the waste back over the fence

Once again for the thickos at the back, you can’t just throw it over the fence. You have to offer the cuttings back or dispose of them yourself.

Maybe if we say it often enough, people might get the message.