Gambling

[Pops6]

DP used to be really bad at online gambling. I’m talking £20/£30 sometimes more a day. Around 5 months ago he did a gam stop on all his online accounts. It was becoming a big problem money wise (we have a house and 2 young DC) and when he’d lose his moods were bad and it would cause arguments. As I said, he’s been doing really well up until earlier this evening when he told me he was trying to reverse the gam stop. I didn’t lecture him, I just reminded him of how well he has been doing, and how better off money wise he’s been. He told me to shut up and mind my own business. Ok, it’s not any of my business I guess and it’s his money that he’s spending, but I just really don’t think it’s a good idea and as well, I am thinking of him. I look back to his gambling days compared to now and life is so much better. I do understand it’s an addiction and I can’t stop him but I am dreading things going back to how they were

Not only that but it took up most of his time which meant he was always occupied on his phone and rarely helped me with the kids. Then he would stress at them for ‘disturbing’ him

I don't think you can reverse GamStop.
But there are competition websites he would be able to use as they are not under the GamStop thing.

The way he spoke to you was shitty though. No respect it seems.
And it's money that would go to benefit you all in the future so I wouldn't be thinking "oh well it's his money I suppose".
He could have invested the money on premium bonds for your children etc. Ploughed it into a pension etc.

I would leave him
He is still addicted

Ok, it’s not any of my business I guess

Why do you think that? Of course it's your business, living with an addict affects the whole household.

You have a choice to either be a doormat and continue to let him put his addiction above your children or you can give him an ultimatum to stop immediately.

Yeah I guess it is my business. But he’s told me so many times that it isn’t that I did start wonder if he was right. He’s in a mood now anyway because he’s unable to reverse it and has gone to bed not speaking to me

My Dd was married to a man that just could not stop gambling.
he used gam stop he went to 2 gamblers anonymous meetings (so he said).
She divorced him as she did not want her life to be dictated to by gambling!
Your partner is showing you no respect he is not a good role model for your children.
This situation will inevitably rear its head again because the longest you can put gam stop on for is 5 years. He can and probably is using cash at the bookies.
No body can tell you what to do but if I was in your position I’d cut my losses and run for the hills.
I wish you well xx

It's clear you care a lot for DP's well-being. From my own experiences, it's essential to be there as a supportive partner while they navigate this journey. Reminding them of their progress is great, and while you can't control their choices, your concern shows your love and commitment. Also, I think this article on casino abuse might be helpful for you. Good luck, and I hope you'll be okay!

I am really sorry you're going through this. I have been where you are before and I am there again. I have a husband who not only is addicted to gambling, he has a secondary addiction to online adult material. We are currently living apart. I can relate to the behaviours - the anger, the rage, telling you to mind your own business. They have no idea how badly their behaviours can impact on those around them. In our case, it is just me. He kept on threatening to leave me every time I expressed my unhappiness about anything. In the end I said "don't come back" and he didn't. My husband attends GA (or so he says) and has self-barred from carousels (slots places) but I personally don't think this enough for him. He continues to gamble. It hasn't been long for me but now that I am not living with him I can see how different my life is: (1) I have peace; (2) I have only myself to think about; (3) I know where I am financially; and (4) I am not witnessing his destructive behaviours. I read that you have children, please do what is best for you and them - they need stability and security and a calm and peaceful environment to grow up in. I wish you the best of luck. I am sorry to tell you it won't get better until YOU take action - I had to, the day I told him not to come back was liberating and the day I took back control of my life. I spent so long fighting his demons and I couldn't do it any longer.

As he says it’s none of your business he doesn’t need a partner or children, he’s only interested in his own business. I would get your ducks in a row and make plans to extricate yourself from him.

Of course it's your business! Put your foot down.

There is a lot of free and confidential help and support available to your husband, but also you. Phone or message the National Gambling Helpline. Gamstop is unlikely to work in isolation -try TalkBanStop for better coverage

This is terrible advice. If he has a gambling addiction he needs to stop completely and work on his issues that make him prone to addictive behaviours.

I've been there, and it’s really tough when gambling starts affecting everything else. Money and emotions can get mixed up fast. I found that using platforms where you can set limits, like Panen123, made it easier to keep things in check. It lets you still enjoy the game without letting things go too far. Maybe that could be a good option if he’s thinking about getting back into it but needs some boundaries.