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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to tell them I'm pregnant for as long as possible?

15 replies

pinkclip · 18/07/2023 19:42

Very early days yet in my pregnancy, almost 9 weeks. Haven't told anybody else yet, only me and DP know.

However, work have now begun discussions with me about the very likely possibility of a senior role which will be coming up in the near future. This is something that I have been working towards and want - but I feel now I'm pregnant that it obviously complicates things as I'd be going on maternity leave in a few months. I feel that if I tell them I'm pregnant now they will move on to other candidates. There are other experienced people in my team who may want the role also, so feel this outcome is likely.

I'm thinking about keeping the pregnancy quiet for as long as I possibly can until I know the full ins and outs of the role itself. Or do I just be honest now and tell them?

AIBU?

OP posts:

Peony654 · 18/07/2023 19:45

You only have to tell them 15 weeks before you want to take maternity leave. I’d wait for now if you are interested in the promotion.

Nottodaythx · 18/07/2023 19:45

I didn’t tell my work I was pregnant until 21 weeks. I would have waited another couple but it was getting hard to hide. I was redeployed and chose to wait until the trial period had finished.

Original poster

pinkclip · 18/07/2023 19:48

Just realistically thinking though how long I would actually be able to hide it for. This is my second baby, so assuming I would show quicker. Then booking time off for appointments etc I'm sure they would start to suspect something eventually.

I'm worried about pissing anybody off as well if I kept quiet thjs whole time when I knew all along

OP posts:

Mischance · 18/07/2023 19:52

My boss got her job whilst pregnant - visibly so - it was all up front. She had hardly started before she was off on maternity leave.

FoodFann · 18/07/2023 20:00

Yanbu, go for the promotion

GoldLacewingOrpington · 18/07/2023 21:53

pinkclip · 18/07/2023 19:48

I'm worried about pissing anybody off as well if I kept quiet thjs whole time when I knew all along

The only reason anyone would be truly annoyed that you didn’t tell them is someone that would make a different decision knowing you were pregnant than if you weren’t… so let them be annoyed! Anyone else might think it’s a shame you felt you couldn’t tell them but they’d understand why you didn’t and they didn’t need to know to make the decision.

BlowMyBubbles · 18/07/2023 22:00

It's no-ones business but your own. Many people don't make public they are pregnant until after the 20 week scan for various reasons.

And don't be so sure you'll show quicker, I barely showed with my second until 30 odd weeks. Maybe just adapt a looser fashion style now.

Comtesse · 18/07/2023 22:02

No harm in leaving it as long as possible. I figured I only to give 3 months notice to quit so anything more than that would be a bonus.

UndercoverCop · 18/07/2023 22:05

I got my last promotion while I was on mat leave, I've just started another one because the person I'm replacing got promoted whilst visibly pregnant, but you know your employer. There's nothing wrong with hiding it until necessary if you suspect they will hold you back because of the pregnancy

hettie · 18/07/2023 22:07

Funny to worry about pissing them off, this is literally why we have laws around this. If you apply for promotion they shouldn't discriminate against you but they might (if they could get away with it) if they knew. Only you can judge this. Might they react badly? If so err on the side of caution and not disclose until necessary.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/07/2023 22:24

I didn’t tell my work for a really long time with my second. Past the 20 week mark. Wanted to be past the anomaly scan before I did.

LaMaG · 18/07/2023 22:29

Up to you OP when you are comfortable telling other people, but I think you should tell them as soon as you are breaking the news with others. If you wait they will feel you are dishonest and have intentionally withheld from them, it may affect their view of you long term.

gogomoto · 18/07/2023 22:29

The only reason to disclose now is if a specific project that is time sensitive eg if you were being put forward to manage a merger which would take a full year (my brother is in this situation now) and lots of overseas travel you need to be honest because you cannot fulfill that role. If it's a more permanent increase in seniority then they would need to cover your role anyway so it's just a different role to cover. Do be aware though that if the person who also wanted the promotion essentially has to cover maternity leave, on returning it could be rather awkward ... you know your company, honesty can be the best policy often but not always

Curiosity101 · 18/07/2023 22:41

You know your employer best OP. If you think they'll not treat you fairly then don't tell them.

I have had one promotion whilst pregnant with my first and then put on stretch for a second promotion whilst pregnant with my second baby. I received the second promotion 3 months after returning from mat leave. So I would have no issue being open/honest with my employer.

In theory they should only consider your suitability for the role and whether you're the best candidate. If you are the best candidate then in theory it's worth waiting for you to come back from mat leave and so they should get cover (if needed) whilst you're away, same as if you fell pregnant whilst already in role. The fact you won't be in role for long before needing cover shouldn't really come into it, you'll still (theoretically) be the best candidate when you return so it makes sense for them to support that.

HiCandles · 18/07/2023 22:47

Different opinion- I was offered promotion and a few days later found out I was pregnant. I told them straight away as I didn't want to go through months of negotiations, contracts etc then reveal the pregnancy and have it cause bad feeling. I also wanted to be sure I could discuss my wishes for mat leave contract arrangements openly. They haven't been concerned, said it's a long term decision and not affected by a short term absence.

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