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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cringing

15 replies

Rainbowx90 · 18/07/2023 18:53

I'm starting to find my DH really unattractive.
He's in his 40's and is obsessed with social media. He cannot put his phone down.
As I'm typing this he's meant to be clearing the dishes after tea but he's on his phone, watching videos and completely distracted.
He has a TikTok account and feels the need to constantly post videos on there of himself, whether it be a lip syncing video or a 'funny' video.
We went out shopping before and he bought some ramen, fizzy drinks and crisps purely to do an ASMR video and a review video. We have 2 children and I don't want them to be cringed at their dad's behaviour on SM, he acts like a 19 year old begging for attention.
Everything he does has to revolve around social media and how he can post something and get attention.
He will comment that I only had X amount of birthday messages on my Facebook wall and he got more. Comments that he has X amount of likes on a status or video. Constantly sits there and watches himself on video over and over again.
I'm really getting the ick and I find it sad that he feels like he needs the attention from a bunch of strangers. I feel like he gets much more satisfaction from a reaction on social media than his family.
I have tried to have multiple conversations about how I feel and each time I'm brushed off with "you go on your phone a lot" or "no I don't, you're just trying to cause an argument".
I feel like he has an addiction to social media, he gets very defensive when I say this, almost like a gambling addict or crackhead denies their addiction.
I really don't know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
Glamrockgoddess · 18/07/2023 18:56

Has he always been like this OP and does he work?

How old are your children?

Alibaba87 · 18/07/2023 18:56

If he reckons you’re on your phone a lot could you make a pact together to only go on at certain times? If you find he’s still using it when you’ve agreed not to, at least he can’t say “you’re on yours!”. Then you could make address his attachment.

Agreed though, is icky.

daisychain01 · 18/07/2023 18:59

On the basis that I have a visceral hatred for most social media and the way people behave on those platforms, this would drive me up the wall.

My DH thankfully hates SM even more than me, so thankfully we don't have to put up with all the preening, posing, bare face lying and falseness that goes on.

id dump him on that basis, sorry!

Screamingabdabz · 18/07/2023 19:01

daisychain01 · 18/07/2023 18:59

On the basis that I have a visceral hatred for most social media and the way people behave on those platforms, this would drive me up the wall.

My DH thankfully hates SM even more than me, so thankfully we don't have to put up with all the preening, posing, bare face lying and falseness that goes on.

id dump him on that basis, sorry!

Totally agree. Vacuous. Ugh.

EvilElsa · 18/07/2023 19:03

I'm mortified just reading your post about it OP so I'd feel the same as you. I'd really struggle to get past that.

Rainbowx90 · 18/07/2023 19:03

Glamrockgoddess · 18/07/2023 18:56

Has he always been like this OP and does he work?

How old are your children?

I feel since COVID it has become worse, maybe due to being stuck at home?
Or the rise of TikTok, IG reels etc.
He WFH and is self employed.
Children are 9 and 3.

OP posts:
ChrisPPancake · 18/07/2023 19:05

Has he had any major changes recently? Health, job sort of thing. Has he chosen to stop working so he can become an 'influencer' 🙄 or is this a spare time thing?
I'd roll my eyes and let him get on with it tbh, as long as he still pulls his weight around the house/dc.
And also slightly chuckling at you complaining about your dh's use of social media on, erm, social media.

Hawkins0001 · 18/07/2023 19:06

All the best op.

cocksstrideintheevening · 18/07/2023 19:09

Sounds awful but there's a certain irony that you're on your phone...

YogiBearAndBooboo · 18/07/2023 19:09

Poor you OP. This is such unattractive behaviour. I find constant posting for likes worrying in under 30s and deeply off-putting in older people.

What do his friends say?

Show him this thread. I am cringeing at him with you.

Rainbowx90 · 18/07/2023 19:09

ChrisPPancake · 18/07/2023 19:05

Has he had any major changes recently? Health, job sort of thing. Has he chosen to stop working so he can become an 'influencer' 🙄 or is this a spare time thing?
I'd roll my eyes and let him get on with it tbh, as long as he still pulls his weight around the house/dc.
And also slightly chuckling at you complaining about your dh's use of social media on, erm, social media.

Ironic isn't it 😆
I spend around half an hour on it after tea then it's sorting the DC out ready for bed.
No change in health or job.
He'd be out the door if he decided to be an influencer, that would be the straw that breaks the camels back.
He's a good dad, but has ignored the DC or snapped at them if they've tried to talk to him while he's making a video or write a comment.
Urgh

OP posts:
Glamrockgoddess · 18/07/2023 19:10

Rainbowx90 · 18/07/2023 19:03

I feel since COVID it has become worse, maybe due to being stuck at home?
Or the rise of TikTok, IG reels etc.
He WFH and is self employed.
Children are 9 and 3.

But he isn't WFH is he?
He's on SM.

If he won't talk to you I don't know what you can do.🙁

Hawkins0001 · 18/07/2023 19:10

cocksstrideintheevening · 18/07/2023 19:09

Sounds awful but there's a certain irony that you're on your phone...

In layman's terms what is irony as that's always puzzled me,

I understand eg talk about coincidence etc, just not irony

YogiBearAndBooboo · 18/07/2023 19:11

cocksstrideintheevening · 18/07/2023 19:09

Sounds awful but there's a certain irony that you're on your phone...

Your comment isn’t as clever as you think it is. It’s one thing communicating with others directly on SM. It’s quite another spending hours creating ‘content’ for validation from others.

Mopbucketmoo · 18/07/2023 19:43

Can you post a link to videos so we can judge him accordingly 😂

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