Emigrating

[nowtherearethree]

My only DD has information us that she wants to go traveling round the world for a year. She has finished her studies and wants to do it before she settles down in a 'real' job. She is funding it herself from a small inheritance from her godparents.
I'm so upset by the thought of it. She has never lived away from home apart from university even then we saw her frequently.
I know I'm being selfish but I cannot talk about it as people keep telling me what a wonderful thing it is for her to do. (I feel like saying it wouldn't be so wonderful if it was your child!) how do I come to terms with it and not dread that goodbye at the airport. Please be kind

Why don’t you fly out and meet her somewhere for a holiday ?

She is not emigrating, just travelling.

Well jel here!

With technology nowadays you can still have lots of contact and time flies fast

Unfortunately this is not something I am able to do due to family commitments with angina parents

It’s just travelling.

but as pp said, if she is happy I’d fly out to meet her somewhere maybe half way through.

I'm also worried about her safety and that she may meet someone whist she is away and settle down there

She isn’t emigrating! She’s travelling. It will be fabulous- please don’t spoil it for her.

if she does meet someone and settle for a while, then so what? Good for her. She’s young and she will only be young once.

She might settle elsewhere, true, but do you really want to limit her life to ‘within an hour’s travel of my mother’?

At one point me and my siblings all lived on different continents, in Tokyo, Abu Dhabi, Warsaw and Boston.

Don't be selfish! It's great that she wants to do this. I wish I had done more at a young age. She will probably come home but if she doesn't then you will have a place to holiday.

I will actively encourage my DC to travel when they are old enough. I'm sure I will miss them dreadfully but I don't want them to regret not doing so.

Thank you ladies I know you are all right I'm just finding hard to accept

You realise you're being unreasonable.

It is also possible for you to travel, even with sick parents. Yes it could take some planning but still possible

This. Stop projecting your life onto hers.

She is happy, healthy and embracing the opportunity of some travel after uni.
Yes, there is a risk she will stop overseas and not come back but how are you minded to make "home"
attractive?

OP- do your parents have angina or was this a typo? Even so, having angina is no reason you shouldn't be able to visit your DD on her travels! If you are their carer- you need to look at carers and get adult social services involved. You need time for yourself too OP!

Why on earth do you think she is emigrating??? Have you never heard of a gap year? You do realise she could meet someone in the UK and then move/live abroad anyway! Travelling and broadening her horizons is a fantastic opportunity.

I may be wrong, but if you are caring for your own parents, are you worried that your DD might have a life elsewhere and not do the same for you???

Apologies this was a typo error my carer responsibilities are to my very elderly parents who would not accept anyone else looking after them at present. I'm really not looking for my DD to care for me in the future.
I would never put her in that position

My DM was very against me travelling.

It was the best thing I’ve ever done. I travelled for several years.

I settled down and live about 15 mins from her now with my DH and two young DC. I see her maybe 4 times a year and don’t think we’ve spoken on a phone call in a decade.

Don’t assume proximity equals closeness and regular contact. Don’t assume travel means she won’t live close to you later on.

Do support her, wish her well and be excited for her. Travel has the potential to shape her and give her incredible life skills, confidence and understanding. I will encourage my DD wholeheartedly to go and see the world, live abroad, work abroad, and make friends across the globe. She may or may not live close to me as an adult, but I’d rather she was close to me emotionally than physically (I mean both is the ideal!). It’s her life, not yours, don’t try and clip her wings or show anything less than enthusiasm for her plans.

my carer responsibilities are to my very elderly parents who would not accept anyone else looking after them at present

I know this is not the main point of your post @nowtherearethree but head on over to the Elderly Parents board for support. There are many of us there who support & care for elderly parents, or who have done. Between us we've probably encountered every situation you can think of. You're very welcome to use us as a sounding board. It can be tough being the sandwich filing between children and parents.

Click on the Talk word at the top of the screen and then type Elderly parents in the Talk topic box and off you go. There maybe a quicker way to find it, but that's my tried and tested.

Imagine how much more anxious and stressed you'd feel if DD was sitting in her room at home all the time, too afraid to go out and see the world and live her young life to the full. That would be so much worse.

As parents, we shepherd our children to adulthood as best we can. After that, what they do is up to them.

You've done a great job of raising a confident young woman who is ready to go out into the world and seek adventure!

Wave her off with joy in your heart that she's fulfilling her dreams and making the most of her youth.