don't want to be a host for any family function

[takemetothespace]

I used to be really great host and cooked for a lot of events and enjoyed people being in my house.
I have moved into new house which is much bigger and plenty of room to host lot of people at the same time.
I have not even bothered to have house warming party.Something has changed me.I don't want to impress anyone anymore.
I am content with my life but don't want to interact socially with other people anymore. I enjoy every minute with DC.

I feel sometimes may be COVID has changed me.

My house is beautiful and we read feel settled so house is not a issue

Well don't if you don't want to. But I think the relative / friend with a big house would be expected to host

I don’t think it’s about hosting but it’s not healthy to not want to socialise with anyone ever other than your children. Your children will only develop more of their own life and you will have abandoned everyone else.

Peri.

'I just want to sit and stare."

Our children go to our IL house and spend 4/5 hours every week, so they are not socially cut off.

I feel like this. Can't be bothered with people and don't feel like socialising. But I don't think it's right and worried my kids are missing out.

Happened to me this year too. Used to be a mad crazy host, every weekend had people over. This year, nada, even though we have just had our garden redone so it looks great.

Is it Peri? Never thought of that. I am 48.

Entertaining isn't about impressing. I shouldn't think most care about your house. It's about seeing people.

Sounds like you may have overdone it one way - too much hosting and trying to u press with it - and now you are going the other way and wanting to be a hermit. Can you find a happy balance of hosting from time to time but less than you used to? Remember just because it's your house shouldn't mean you do everything either - you can events where everyone brings a different dish (especially if entertaining family), and everyone should help clean up. Don't reject all those "how can I help?) offered either.

In my extended family we have the biggest house and the unspoken expectation was we did all the hosting every Xmas and event. We also have x 2 kids and both work full time. The rest are either retired, one or no kids living at home and part time working. I got sick of it and have drawn a line with hosting with friends and family. Other people need to take their turn.

I feel a lot like this as well op and wonder if it's COVID/peri menopause.

I stopped years ago op

We have the biggest house /garden /outdoor eating kitchen area etc than the others however just a small
Gathering involves more than 24 people and it's a pain in the arse.

The invite never gets reciprocated so I stopped

I think a lot of people have similar feelings post-COVID. You are definitely not alone.

I dont think people were saying your DC would be cut off... but that YOU would be, once they grew up and out!

I thought I was peri menopausal few months ago and had every symptom and then all of sudden all the symptoms gone. I am 35.
I have started doing gardening and also started going to places on my own. For eg: I go to places on my day off just on my own and I never used to that.I am comfortable talking to my friends over the phone but can't be bothered to invite them in my home.
I do love my newly found self love , I was just wondering what has changed me. I am much happier.
One thing after Covid I definitely noticed that I started liking walks, seeing more beauty in nature, fond of countryside etc.

So it must be Covid

I'm a massive introvert, but used to do loads of community event type stuff. I sort of felt I had to, after all, someone has to if any of these things are going to happen! Lots of friends as part of the team doing stuff. Got a buzz at the end from something going really well, but it was a slog while it was happening.

Then covid happened, events didn't happen, nothing needed organising. And the world didn't end.

Then everything went back to 'normal' and I just felt utter dread at the thought of herding bloody cats to get anything achieved. So I didn't. And the world didn't end.

I've decided the 'someone' can be 'someone else' now. And if things don't happen because no 'someone' steps up, then clearly no one wanted it enough to justify the effort I used to put in.

Covid has shown me what I really enjoy, and what I was doing under sufferance. What I missed doing and what I was glad was cancelled. It's been quite illuminating.

Same. I was always the hostess when I was younger, not a fan now.

We also have the biggest home; I’m completely fed up of IL’s thinking we should always host because of it, and nothing is ever reciprocated. Had to laugh when no one wanted to go out for Christmas dinner as ‘it’s too expensive,’ when it costs us twice as much to have them all to us.

Not this year!

It may not be solely the fault of Covid.
I’m sure you can find some way to find Brexit partially to blame.
😉😁😁

I think it is a COVID thing. And I actually think it is more of an issue than any of us may realise.
We are creatures of habit, and we can get into habits even if we know that they aren't good for us.
During lockdowns we were all forced into a new habit of not socialising.
I think some people feel less inclined to break that habit.
I am a massive extrovert, I volunteer and organise community events. I always host at Christmas and no other family ever offer. I have picked this all up again but have noticed a big difference in the numbers of other people who are up for volunteering, getting involved, making things happen, inviting us over for meals.

Exactly this from a pp, I think loads of people have decided: "I've decided the 'someone' can be 'someone else' now. And if things don't happen because no 'someone' steps up, then clearly no one wanted it enough to justify the effort I used to put in".

And I find that massively depressing 😞

I actually got very fed up of being taken for granted because we had the space. I seldom enjoyed the gatherings because I found them really hard work; being expected to do all the prep work, cooking, clearing up etc not to mention the expense that I could barely afford.
Interestingly as soon as I said no more the gatherings stopped 🤬

Hosting is work, and often expensive work at that.

Other people’s expectations aren’t your problem. If anyone insists that a large gathering MUST happen, then they’re free to organize and pay for it.

I feel the same op. I'd always hosted my family at Christmas and other times and decided in the last couple of years that I didn't want to do it anymore. Everyone has worked out an alternative place to gather and it's actually quite liberating to go and socialise for an hour then leave. Much better than waiting for the last guest to go home then having to tidy up!

I realise I went off on a tangent from the actual question there...
I think hosting should be shared out and if you've done plenty of hosting before it's completely reasonable not to offer loads.
But I would suggest you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater - maybe decide to host an informal thing once a year (people can bring food to share and when they offer to help with the washing up, say yes)?
You may be reminded of what you enjoyed about it...

We tried the bring and share thing one time. H and I spent considerable time and effort making nice home cooked quiche and salads. My parents rocked up with a couple of dips they'd bought from the coop on the way and sister with some instant stuff from freezer from whatever supermarket she passed on the way. Zero effort as far as we were concerned so never again.

Similarly friends. H expressed regret that we've hardly done any socialising in our garden this year, we used to do loads but there's no reciprocation from "friends" so it's stopped. I've been quite blunt with said friends about why as well. Sick of it.