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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want guests staying again

73 replies

Sunandsurf · 18/07/2023 16:36

We live in a very popular seaside town and have a self-contained annexe. We use it as a WFH space when not in the office and it's useful for close family to stay in. This year we've had two different sets of guests come to stay and both times they've stayed much longer than I expected (a month and two weeks). The last guest didn't even leave a bottle of wine/chocs to say thanks. Nothing. I'm expecting another request to stay soon and I just don't want to do it any more. Am I being a grump?

OP posts:
Snowfalling · 18/07/2023 17:02

@Bilboard I am agog at your cf guest. Please tell me they didn't ever get an invite back to yours after that?

Original poster
Sunandsurf · 18/07/2023 17:03

Thanks for all the replies. I'm quite relaxed/generous but the whole thing is really pissing me off. The last visitor was the final kick in the teeth.

OP posts:
DemonicCaveMaggot · 18/07/2023 17:03

You could go passive agressive 'Too many people outstayed their welcome and made a lot of work for us so we just don't want to deal with visitors for a while'.

billyt · 18/07/2023 17:03

A simple no is all that is required. It's your property and they are CFs if they think they can use it when they feel like, and even then not so much as a thank you bottle of wine or some chocolates.

And I'd make sure they couldn't just turn up, either. CFs just have to be CFs.

Original poster
Sunandsurf · 18/07/2023 17:04

@Bilboard I think they'll be in touch soon. I'm not even joking.

OP posts:
Smittenkitchen · 18/07/2023 17:05

You don't need to make up excuses. Good suggestions from PP about what you can say. "We're not up for having guests for a while."

Original poster
Sunandsurf · 18/07/2023 17:05

It's worked out over the last six months that we've had someone staying there one week out of four. I calculated that in my head in the early hours!

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 18/07/2023 17:06

Sunandsurf · 18/07/2023 17:04

@Bilboard I think they'll be in touch soon. I'm not even joking.

You've been given several good ways of responding to them. Just pick one.

Smittenkitchen · 18/07/2023 17:06

That's way too much OP, you're right, you might as well have it on Airbnb!

Original poster
Sunandsurf · 18/07/2023 17:07

@Smittenkitchen I'm going to say this. I can say quite honestly that we've had a lot of visitors and need to take a break. Thanks ever so much.

OP posts:
CountingMareep · 18/07/2023 17:07

I think it’s perfectly reasonable not to have anyone other than close family for overnights.

I’ve realised that staying as a guest in someone’s house is a social minefield unless you’re either close family or such close friends you might as well be. When you’re young and a student and/or renting grotty digs, or camping somewhere, you can afford to be a lot more casual.

But if you have a friend over in your own home, or you stay in someone else’s home, there has to be consideration of all sorts of stuff. Like what time does breakfast normally happen, when to get up, is it acceptable to wander down to the kitchen in your dressing gown and make yourself a cuppa, what’s the shower/hot water like, how prone is the loo to blocking/the bathroom window to jamming open…

Aaargh! Give me a Premier Inn every time!

Roselilly36 · 18/07/2023 17:12

You are being too soft, no one should expect to stay somewhere for free, say what you will be charging in future or just say no. Your guests have been very rude not to offer anything, unfortunately nice people often get taken advantage of.

PoppyFleur · 18/07/2023 17:12

People are so cheeky it’s shocking. We have always brought gifts of wine, flowers and chocolates plus paid for a meal out as a thank you whenever we have stayed with friends for a long weekend. It’s surely just common decency.

Original poster
Sunandsurf · 18/07/2023 17:14

In fairness, the person who stayed a month did buy us a meal/gave us gifts. It just felt too long. The funny thing is that we'd never stay with other people. @CountingMareep Premier Inn all the way!

OP posts:
Takenoprisoner · 18/07/2023 17:17

Why on earth did they need to stay for a month? Would have driven me crazy

listsandbudgets · 18/07/2023 17:21

A month Shock That's ridiculous.. I wouldn't be hosting them again. Seriously who the hell do they think they are.. and since when have you been running a glorified free bed and breakfast. I would have been losing my patience by the end of the first week... and as for the others not even managing a box of chocolates they're low life and don't deserve your ongoing hospitality. I'm outraged for you OP.

That said we've had guests for 14 months - but they are Ukrainian refugees so I guess we'll let them off and anyway they're good at cleaning up after themselves, gardening and cooking and the dog loves them so not sure I want them to leave. I suppose you could accommodate refugees in the annex but it's quite a commitment and we're lucky to have the time and resource - it's not for everyone. On the other hand, it would give you a great excuse for not having other types of guests for a bit Grin

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/07/2023 17:22

I can say quite honestly that we've had a lot of visitors and need to take a break

I really wouldn't, OP - giving reasons just invites them to respond with "Ooooo we're ever so quiet and you won't even know we're there"

Those I know who've been through this simply say "we're not having guests any more" and leave it at that. With maybe a "It didn't work for us" tacked on I'm told this is effective except with the very worst CFers, and for those a simple no will do

Original poster
Sunandsurf · 18/07/2023 17:23

@Bilboard 😮

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunandsurf · 18/07/2023 17:24

We thought about offering it to Ukranian refugees but concluded that we use the space enough that it wouldn't be fair on anyone. I worried my temper would get frayed. Which is quite ironic really!

OP posts:
listsandbudgets · 18/07/2023 17:34

Alternatively you could tell them : " We've had the annex fitted out for private role play so unfortunately it is now available to be stayed in by those of a very broadminded disposition and a high pain threshold who don't mind joining in... "

Flossflower · 18/07/2023 18:00

People are treating you really badly and yet you seem to be worried what to say to them. Who asks to stay with someone else? Most well mannered people wait until they are invited. I meal out for a month!! I would expect 1 every few days.

ChubbyMorticia · 18/07/2023 18:06

“We’re no longer hosting overnight guests.” Period. You’re not obligated to Justify Argue Defend Explain your decision (JADE)

Soozikinzii · 18/07/2023 18:12

Definitely not

Backstreets · 18/07/2023 18:14

The cheeky fuckery of some people! Who even has a month to occupy someone’s annex??

Stop letting people stay, you’ve clearly had enough.

Soozikinzii · 18/07/2023 18:15

Just say we need the space now .How can they aregue with that ? It's your space and you need it !