Background is that my husband and I have been married for 12 years, have 3 DC and he has his mum, older sister (who has a husband & 2 girls in their early 20s), and younger sister (who has husband & 3 kids under 10). MIL and older sister live in the same town.
The older sister and MiL live approx 1.5 hours drive from us- & so does the younger sister. But in opposite directions. So we are the middle meeting point. As a result- we offer to host more often (& neither of the sisters enjoy hosting that much- and MIL has never hosted us since her husband died 8 years ago).
When they come to visit- older sister always brings gifts and is v generous. Younger sister and MIL rarely do. We always put on a big spread- and ensure MIL who is a veggie has lots of options. For example- this most recent visit last weekend, we did a bbq (inc veggie burgers), with courgette salad, roasted veg and dressing, roast new potatoes, green salad etc etc. Also made a big pavlova and had birthday cake for my husbands birthday. I enjoy hosting and cooking- so don't mind putting in the effort.
My MIL said things like- I had burger for dinner the other day, and why did you have to put nuts on the pavlova- I'll have a piece without nuts or raspberries- I don't like raspberries. When they arrived- she complimented me on my dress, I said thank you- it's from Oliver bonas- and she said- I don't know that shop- is it a posh shop. And I said no- it's a normal high st shop- and tried to think of a shop which is comparable... she then said- well i shop in charity shops and Sainsbury’s so I don't know these shops. There have been other low level negative quips from MIL in the past- comments re: our blunt knives, chipped crockery, church at Christmas being all "fire and brimstone" etc. She also goes straight in the garden when arriving at our house and starts dead heading plants...
When we then said lunch was ready- MIL, both sisters and one of their husbands (the other one hardly ever comes to family occasions), as well as the niece in their 20s all cracked on with serving themselves, and sat down and tucked in. We then got drinks, made sure the 6 kids were all ok, had their food etc- and when we finally sat down, no one said thanks for lunch/ food is lovely etc. We then proceeded to have conversations about BILs birthday, neices new job, whether younger sil has any hol plans, what school oldest nephew is going to in sept, my husbands job offer etc etc. This scenario is the same every time we meet up. We ask loads of questions, find out about what's happening with them etc.
During catch ups- they never ask us (more specifically me) anything. When my mum was ill, anything about my job, about my dads upcoming wedding, etc etc. My husband tries to bring me into the conversation- but they don't every pick up the hint- so it ends up being him and I chatting which is obvs awkward. I am getting a bit pissed off about it to be honest. It's so one way. Should I sack off making an effort? Not suggest meet ups- and when a meet up does happen- just not go? My husband isn't fussed about them- but I feel like we should keep up a relationship for the sake of their cousins... the younger sisters kids have no other cousins.
Both my husband and I work in professional jobs and have a reasonably high income & our children go to private schools. Am not sure if this means they think negatively of us as a result... or if they just don't like us. We are good conversationalists and have a wide variety of friends- so am pretty sure it isn't us. Would you just give up on them- or keep up the relationships?