Am I going to give my kids issues around food or am I in the right

[ShouldIgoornot123]

I grew up with someone constantly saying “you can’t be hungry” “you’re too big” “you’d be so much better if you lost weight” “what you eat is gross” etc.

for context maybe I would use four very skinny rashers of bacon for a BLT, I was maybe a size 14 max, there was never any junk food in the house and I’m fine now.

im a grown up with two kids and I try very hard to make sure they have a good diet, lots of fruit and veg, not bread for every meal, not much processed food etc, and I let them have treats.

there is a point at which I completely lose my filter and it’s when they have days where they are bottomless pits and still keep asking for shit food.

i Would let them have whatever their bodies needed but it’s when we are out and they’ve literally just finished a frappe and a muffin from Starbucks (rate treat yes I know very sugary) and will see donuts and ask for them too I end up saying the same things my mum said to me and it makes me feel awful

help me

I think you're reasonable to limit treats but not to use the kind of language your mum did. Teaching them healthy eating is positive so try to keep language positive too.

You’re not wrong to say no to additional treats. If they’ve just had a muffin and a frappe then it’s unlikely they then need doughnuts.

You can say no without criticising though. Just say no - you’ve just had a treat, if you’re still hungry you can have something healthy as a snack instead.

I worry about the exact same thing, don't have any answers really but following... I did read Sarah Ockwell Smith's Gentle Eating Book and was thinking about re reading but can't remember if it covers all stages of childhood.

So your mums responses weren't helpful so you need to reframe how you respond because you aren't being unreasonable Specifically in the Starbucks situation the answer is no. I would say "Your body has just taken a sugar hit and is now craving more sugar . Give it an hour until your muffin has digested and then we can see if you're still hungry". It's a sensible explanation for why they crave more food but also a recognition that they may actually need more nutrition. Plus it doesn't do them any harm. I have also said stuff like this to my child when I recognise they are on a sugar drive!

Just start bringing snacks with you, so when they pester for the extra doughnuts, to can say "oh we've spent our treat money today, but if you're hungry here's some nuts/ an apple/ a babybel/ some carrots and dip."

Well, you won’t necessarily given them “issues” but there are better ways to educate them about food.

Just tell them that too much sugar isn’t healthy, bad for their body and bad for their teeth. You love them and don’t want them to become poorly from eating too much junk.

That said, if you’re in a theme park, or it’s a birthday or some other true one-off, it is not so terrible to have several treats in a day. A doughnut and a muffin, a couple of hours apart, is not going to ruin their health. It’s the habits that are bad.

The way your post is worded suggesta you have food issues and your children are probably picking up on that

My mum was the same and as a result I never pass comment on anything anyone else eats, my children have never heard me refer to food as good or bad or judged in any way

I dont know if that's had any effect on them but they are old enough now that I can say they have healthy attitudes to food and hopefully that will cintinue

Thank you! That is such a helpful way to frame this. Going to use this too.

Agree with PPs- fine to say no but think about your language. Especially not commenting on their appearance. Surely “if you’re hungry then here’s an apple and we’ll have dinner when we get home” suffices? Also I’m not sure I’d be worried about bread at that age (especially brown/ granary etc).

I have similar issues. I try not to make it about weight, but health. So he can eat as much as he needs to be full, but sugar and treat foods do have limits.

I explained that a few years ago DH was pre-diabetic until he cut down on sugar and refined carbs, so that helped him understand.

I didn't grow up with the same type of comments, but DM was (and is) obsessed with what people eat and how they look. She's very proud of being petite and judges overweight people (including DF). I have not inherited her figure and she encouraged me to diet from about age 11, which was pretty damaging.

Why not just say no we've had a treat but if you're hungry let's grab some fruit

A doughnut and a muffin, a couple of hours apart, is not going to ruin their health. It’s the habits that are bad.

Pretty much this.

With my DC I will ask if they actually want it or do they just want it for wantings sake, pre-teen DD in particular is a sucker for a fancily decorated cupcake but doesn't actually want the cupcake itself. If they do want it then I say we will swing back that way once we're ready to leave. Sometimes when it's time to go they don't want to swing back, other times they do and they buy whatever it was they wanted.

It also depends massively on the ages of the DC, once they have their own money and bank cards it becomes less easy to control what they have and, in my experience, the children who were most heavily restricted tend to be the ones blowing their pocket money on junk food, Monster drinks and sweets.

It doesnt sound like OP has food issues at all, I dont know why people feel the need to project like this

She's simply needing a positive way to say no when teens ask for more snacky/sugary things after already having had a snacky sugary thing

Her children are not 'picking up on that' at all, they're doing what most humans do after having some tasty food, they simply want more of it, which is why we have parents to try to regulate that

Some of the explanations above are suitable

It does though, no one needs to make excuses for the size of their bacon rashers or say they restrict bread or fall over themselves to say they know muffins are very sugary

The fact she thinks that needs to be written even subconsciously is evidence

You don't need special ways to say, you've just had a muffin, no doughnuts

This is sensible advice. It's fine for children to know the affect on our bodies imo, as long as handled like this rather than relating to their appearance or whatever it'll help them form a balanced approach to food.

She was simply giving an explanation for context, jesus

@VisionsOfSplendour

are you quite new to MN?

she was merely heading off the usual responses.

You are very right to limit sugar and processed food. But you don’t need to say those things. You could say that sugar will damage teeth, and is for treats only. And explain about balanced diet etc. if you’re limiting processed food though, I’d totally cut the bacon - “low fat” or not

An easy response is "No, think of all of that sugar on your poor teeth"

It depends how you word it, I tell my kids one sugary treat a day and that’s it but don’t use emotive critical language. Limits and boundaries are helpful I don’t feel that enforcing them with guilt and shame is.

"No, we've just had our snack out. I've got an apple in my bag if you are still peckish"

THIS. My god thank you. It’s perfect

Thanks for all the replies everyone has been so so helpful.