To exclude family member who worked for abuser TW sexual assault

[Emotionalmama]

So I was in an abusive relationship for 5
years which I’ve been out of now for 4 years. Since then I’ve got married and I’m getting my newborn baby christened in a few weeks.

my abuser was a much older family friend who mad me keep the relationship a secret and who abused me in literally every way - emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually. He has been charged through courts but not actually prosecuted on the grounds of mental health despite being found guilty.

a family member of mine who knows about the abuse started working with my abuser not long after the relationship ended. I know you might be thinking ah he mustn’t have been that bad then - trust me he’s the devil in disguise. As I said he was a family friend so my relative and him go way back and are a similar age.

i have completely turned my life around since and am getting my beautiful baby christened in a few weeks and I haven’t invited this relative to the christening. As a result, my grandmother (who I am exceptionally close to) has taken issue and has said to my mum that she won’t be partaking in the christening celebrations as, as far as she’s concerned, the relative has done nothing wrong.

my relative is a trigger anyway but this has triggered me massively every time it’s brought up. My focus now is on my husband and baby so a large part of me doesnt care who is or isn’t at the christening but another part of me is so hurt because I feel like the abuse is being swept aside for the sake of not hurting wider family dynamic.

AIBU?

You were not protected as a child(or even as an adult ).
Your responsibility as a mother is to protect your child at all costs.
So do it.
Regardless of who you have to cut out of your life.
It may seem complicated and hard but it's NOT .Protect your child and yourself.

YANBU. I'm sorry, it must be terribly hurtful to have your grandmother act like that, but it isn't hard to understand why you wouldn't want them there, even if you (she) personally don't believe the relative did anything wrong. And besides, two wrongs don't make a right, what does her boycotting the christening achieve? The relative will still not be invited, she won't witness the special day and apparently she will have chosen them over you, the person who is the original victim in the mess.