Aibu to push for more support for dd10 at school?

[Anonpost789]

Sorry this maybe long I'll condense as much as possible.

From the age of 2/3 my daughter has struggled to speak at times. Could have been as simple as do you want orange juice or apple juice and she would shut down and not talk. I thought she would grow out of it but she's now 10 and still struggles especially when speaking about emotions but again could be simple questions like above. She will freeze shut down on occasions well up/cry but physically won't talk sometimes looks like she wants to but can't get the words out. She's like this everywhere home school grandparents etc.

The school have brought this up every single year or parents evening but as she presents no behavioural problems they just leave it at that as she is working at her age range.

I have been gp and they have reffered her for asd adhd assessments and suggested emotional literacy and sensory processing disorder (younger child has asd&adhd and sensory issues so they believe it's not to big of a jump she maybe on spectrum) but assesmets are 12-18 months and school have basically said let's see what happens with that they are notorious for not being helpful with sen kids so I feel like I need to fight even more as I am with my other child.

I'm terrified when she starts high school it will get worse and she will be picked on.

Am I being unreasonable to push the school to provide more help/support while waiting for the outcome? I understand I have left it late but due to lack of concern so to speak from school I felt like I was being silly but docs witnessed this themselves and validated my concerns but also made me feel like I've failed her on so many aspects.

Sorry that's long thanks if you have got this far.

You’ve not failed her OP. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. As parents were guided by professionals and school have let her down, if anyone has, not you!
Definitely push the school to provide more support. Can you afford any private reports? A private EP report would guide school on how they should be supporting her.

What help do you need?
Why not act as though you already have the understanding that she has autism and usual visual alternatives to communication when she gets stuck??

Thank you for taking time to read and reply. I am currently saving where I can to try get some help sooner but can't afford it at the moment but definitely trying exploring if ny work can help me. I just feel so guilty I feel like I've just let her down and worries it's too late. The school make it so difficult and seem so uninterested in my concerns

I've tried visual cues, diaries, mood bands, sensory area Everytime I try broach the topic that triggered her she will shut down again so I just feel lost in what to try as she presents (for want of a better word) differently to my other additional needs dd so I'm lost as to what I can do to help her I'm just trying to learn as I go along this is all new to me even with my dd

Ask school what pastoral support they can offer. I work as a learning mentor and would work on emotional literacy with her. Or there may be an ELSA to work with her.

Thank you for your reply. Both of those are new terms to me I'll have a quick Google and will speak to them and my family support worker too x

Good luck OP. In the school's defence, there might not be a huge amount they can offer. At best, she might get a 15-30 min slot a week; I think you need to consider how much that is realistically going to help and whether there's anything else you could do. Are there any private therapies you could access if you can afford them?

Thank you. I do understand that because she isn't displaying behavioural issues it maybe easier to go under the radar I just wish I was encouraged or validated a bit earlier with my concerns again I take full responsibility that I haven't done enough for her. I can't afford much privately I'm saving at the moment and exploring if my work can help in anyway hopefully I can get some help sooner rather than later. The school has ALOT of sen children the most in our area so understand they maybe overwhelmed themselves too.

I feel that a regular weekly session could help. Never a quick fix. But I've seen real success with children I work with on an emotional level.

Just want to say a quick thank you for your replies yesterday. I spoke to a few members of staff/TAs who have all said they raised concerns over the years and nothing was done about it. I've now requested all cpoms for her dating back to the start and will be taking this with me to the doctors. The head teacher would also like to speak to me not sure what it will be regarding but hopefully will finally get some support for her going forward. Thank you again.

Good luck at the doctors.