To quit volunteering because I hate my shift partner?

[wisteriablue]

I started volunteering about 8 months ago. My shift partner is a full time member of staff. I alternate between 2 and 3 shifts a week for about 3 hours each. Due to the nature of the gig, there is quite a bit of downtime where we'd usually spend chatting as there's nothing else to do.

We could be idly sitting there doing nothing and I'd hear 'Why are you fiddling with your ring?', 'Did you just scratch your eyebrow?', 'Why are you stirring your coffee even though it's stirred already?' etc. Every single gesture I do gets pointed out.

There are also all the little comments I hear throughout my shift. E.g. 'If you don't get it there's nothing I can do to help you' whenever she starts a 'debate' and my response contradicts the one she has in mind. Last week she asked about a bruise on my arm. I told her I got it while playing hockey. She asked if I was too old to be playing that and then some snide comment about 'some people have too much free time'.

Not engaging or just not wanting to talk about whatever topic she wants to talk about gets me one of these comments:

'It's not that serious.'
'Why so sensitive?'
'It's just a question.'
'Relax it's fine.'

AIBU to quit? I can't work any other shift and there are many things I'd much rather do than spend 6-9 hours a week being condescended and criticised.

Well, if you're absolutely sure that there is no alternative to being partnered with her, you can of course do what you like. But in your shoes I'd at least speak to whoever is in charge of scheduling shifts or managing the team to see if anything might be worked out.

That does tedious at best! I’d be letting the volunteer coordinator (or similarly titled person who is your point of contact) know and possibly asking to change shift. Any decent volunteer program will look at adjustments they can make to keep the peace rather than have you quit!

Yeah you literally are volunteering I’d politely quit with immediate affect, and explain why! Is she autistic? Has anything like Asperger’s maybe? I’m trying to think of a logical reason here as to why she’s like that…

Part of the beauty of volunteering is that you get to choose something that you enjoy. If you are not enjoying this, please leave that gig and find another volunteer position where you will not be harassed (intentionally or not) all the time. If I were to leave the post, I would definitely tell the volunteer coordinator why.

She sounds awful. Volunteering is meant to be enjoyable and rewarding and it sounds as though she's a complete spoke in the works. If you can't change shifts then there are a world of happy volunteering opportunities out there and you can leave her to it.

You’re a volunteer. Ton of places are desperate for volunteers. If you are both often idle then sounds like her job is in jeopardy as much as you maybe aren’t needed and would be better using your talents elsewhere. And where they are less annoying and actually happy to have volunteers.

Tell manager why you're resigning in case they can do anything. Otherwise find somewhere else.

I emailed the volunteer coordinator last week but they're severely short on staff so there's not much they can do aside from offer me some other slots.

To be fair, she's efficient, good with customers, and is generally well liked. I liked her too for the first couple of months I was there. It's only now that we're somewhat familiar that she's started being 'honest'.

I imagine alongside people like you, there also some quite weird people in volunteer roles.
I think I’d just find a similar role somewhere else.

That doesn’t sound like fun. I’m with the others, life is too short if you aren’t enjoying yourself and worse getting annoyed (no judgment I would be too!).

just tell the volunteer coordinator to give you a shout if she leaves or goes to another shift.

Life’s too short to work with arseholes, especially in a volunteer role. It would drive me insane.

If you do quit put it in writing clearly stating why and the impact this woman's behaviour has had on your ability to enjoy your volunteer role. She may have form for this and others may have asked to be partnered elsewhere from her also.

And when you do leave make sure to tell her tou are leaving because of her and her nasty attitude towards you.

That's a form of bullying. Ridiculing you, making personal comments, ageism, belittling you. She's engaged in a form of power play for some reason. As others have said, the glory of volunteering is that you don't have to accept it.

You might want to share the list of what she's done with the volunteer coordinator - not as a complaint but so that when the next volunteer partnered with her disappears, the pattern is evident.

IF you decide to be assertive and "challenge her" one technique is to reflect back to her what she's said "Did you just suggest I'm too old to play hockey?" "Did you just ask me why I'm stirring my coffee?" Or the Mumsnet favourite:
"Did you mean to be so rude?"

But in a volunteering role I'm not sure I'd bother?