Would this freak you out?

[Nectarineorapricot]

Hi- I live semi rurally although there aren’t many places to go running as there’s a lot of fields and private property etc. there’s a really large wooded/Forrest area that I go to walk my dog or to go for a run in or sometimes walk through as you can cut through it to get to the nearest shops/bus stop etc. It’s huge and is a mix of fields, a huge kids play park, forrest/woods, a big lake and river throughout it and lots and lots of trees and woodland paths. I always stick to main routes in it but it’s so big that you could easily go through it without meeting anyone, but then other times you meet lots of dog walkers etc. im 24 and have been going there regularly for years now since moving to the area. Im not usually scared or worried but I’ve noticed recently I feel really unsettled going there, I can’t put my finger on why but I feel as if I’m being watched. I usually run/walk with airpods in but they were out of battery once and I was sure I heard someone behind me. I dont what I heard exactly, but I heard something and I know there was someone there. Although there’s sometimes teenagers drinking etc so it could be just that, or maybe someone walking through the trees etc but there was 100% someone there. I kept walking but I heard someone there again about 10 minutes later and I stopped to look but there was nobody. It happened again another time. This, combined with the feeling watched has just freaked me out so much but I don’t know if it’s just in my head and I’m being silly about nothing and I should just ignore it

I could avoid just going there but it’s the only proper way to cut through to the shops/station etc and it’s the only decent place to go for a walk/run/dog walk etc and it seems silly to give it up just for a ‘feeling’ but at the same time I don’t know if it’s in my head and im freaking myself out or not!

Just wondering has anyone got any advice, or experience in something similar? ☺️

A few days ago a male friend of mine INSISTED that there was no need to bang on about women's rights now as there are no real issues for women any more. His politics are usually fairly left wing but he's being a real arse about women for some reason.

Bet he watches Andrew Tate type shit.

I didn't want to make my post even longer, but it's an interesting one. He's not your usual garden variety of misogynist who hero-worships Andrew Tate et al. He's a gay man, and - apologies to anyone who's not interested in this subject - the initial fall out was over trans rights.

Basically my partner expressed concerns over the treatment of women and children and the risks they were being exposed to, and then my friend said that the only group that were oppressed were trans folk and gay men. Weirdly he said gay men, and not gay people, or gay men and lesbians.....just gay men.

I've had conversations/debates with him before where he insisted that gay men were more at risk than women re domestic violence/assault/murder etc. And when I quoted stats, he said it's just because gay men are too scared to go to the police. He refuses to accept that there are issues re women's safety - as per him, the only groups who have a hard time are gay men and trans folk.

I know for a FACT that he wouldn't consider having a relationship with a trans man - even if they had surgery to construct a fake penis. Yet he's conveniently ignoring that fact while insisting that women's sports and single sex spaces don't matter because of the feelings of trans women.

The best bit of all was when he literally said that the language of women doesn't matter - as he was shown the dictionary entry referring to lesbians as "non-men" - not even satire! My partner gave other examples re women's language being eroded, but not men's language or identity. He said "why does it matter if he helps trans women be more comfortable - it's only words, why do you care?" - but then at the same time he then scolded DP for stating publicly on social media that he was concerned about women and girls, and told him that the language he used about the potential dangers could be "dangerous and harmful" to trans people. So, basically when it comes to women language doesn't matter, but when it comes to trans people, it does matter? Aaaargh.

He's actually a lovely person (usually) and a very good friend - but I'm not sure I can be friends with someone who thinks my safety and rights aren't as important as his. I'm usually willing to let a lot slide but this is the hill I'm willing to die on. The worst part is that I'm an absolute ally for him, and he has acknowledged this and even said as much to DP. I would fight in the streets for his rights to live as a gay man on an equal basis - and I'm just a bit gutted that he clearly wouldn't do the same for me. I know gay men still have to deal with a whole load of nasty shit, but we do too and refusing to acknowledge that women matter is a hard line for me.

Apologies. I don't want to derail this thread. It was just such a relevant post to crop up at a time when I'm feeling especially reflective about women's rights and how we have to live in society.

Btw, I love your username - I know the thread that's from and it cracked me up 😅

Definitely don't ignore your instincts. It may be that you've picked up on something subconsciously which your brain has interpreted correctly as posing some sort of threat. There's a book called The Gift of Fear that explains this well.

@SpidersAreShitheads I don't think I could stay friends either with someone who lacks the ability to empathise with half the population. Even if he thinks gay men have it worse, surely that doesn't preclude some common decency and common sense about women? He sounds like a misogynist tbh. They don't all come in the Andrew Tate mode.

Listen to that voice. I'm reminded of this story about the feeling of dread that preceded a bear attack - you're picking up that something isn't right, but at a subconscious level. I'd avoid that area for a while, and definitely avoid running at set times.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/nov/09/life-after-near-death

I would avoid the area for a while and ditch the headphones. I’ve only felt a similar kind of unease on a few occasions, but think it’s sensible to listen.

Yes, exactly! It's not a race to the bottom - and it's not even as if he's arguing that it's bad for women but worse for gay men, he's just totally refusing to acknowledge whatsoever that there are issues for women.

It's a case of "I have it far worse so therefore your rights and safety are unimportant to me." It just took me until last week to really put together everything that he's been saying. And it is all deeply misogynistic.

He's a big fan of drag queens too - and very recently I've realised that I have an issue with that them although I've not said anything because it makes me sound like a humourless old witch. The basic premise of the drag queen "humour" is "eeew, don't women have stinky fannies and aren't they just total slags?!" It's a whole genre based on mocking women - and it's like the scales have suddenly fallen from my eyes.

I think essentially I'm close to hitting the menopause, and I'm just fucking done dealing with (some) men and their shit. The fallout with my friend is just the latest thing in a long line of misogynistic bollocks from society in general.

Well I would have suggested a very small taser mase around a lanyard.....
But a quick google search said "no ma'am ".....

Trust your gut if you feel something is not right I felt paranoid years ago when I had the same feeling. I was supposed to be going to Sharm el Sheikh on holiday with my three children but cancelled at the last minute. I had a very bad feeling that something awful was going to happen and family members dismissed it. It turns out a woman was raped in the same hotel that we staying in and at the same time we should have been there.

Always always listen to your gut instinct!

Read a book called the Gift of Fear. It’s very enlightening.

Stay safe OP.

There are really beautiful woodland areas near me where I used to walk my dog but I don't anymore. I had that freaked out feeling once and although I persevered a few times after that it was never the same. I'm happy to accept that feeling may have been due to an overactive imagination but I could no longer enjoy the walk and there was no point frightening myself so I stopped going there.

I have long since learned to listen to my gut and only walk in areas where I feel quite comfortable. I prefer open fields where I have good visibility.
I second the suggestions for not wearing airpods and carrying an alarm and at night a really powerful torch is useful for temporarily 'blinding' someone.

When I was out at night as a teenager I used to walk down the middle of the road away from walls and hedges, although this was in the 80's when there were fewer cars on the road and electric cars weren't a thing so you could still hear cars coming. I also used to carry a travel size can of hairspray up my sleeve, my hair styling at the time would have been my defence against charges of carrying an offensive weapon! It shocks me that I've had to think about these things for decades now.

I had a similar gut feeling when out running through fields near us. I stopped wearing headphones but as I have a big GSD with me kept running there. Then I heard someone's phone ping in the woods at the edge of the fields. I just stopped running there altogether as I couldn't relax.

Get rid of the AirPods. The number of people I see running with them in, completely oblivious to the world around them. We get numpties near us running along the main road with AirPods in (avoiding running along the perfectly good path 50m away in the woods) who are clueless about the cars around them.

About hearing things in the woods - you are aware that all sorts of things can make sounds? Deer are surprisingly ungraceful, even squirrels and pigeons sound like an entire human being crashing around in the undergrowth. Usually, unless there are other clear clues someone is stalking you through the woods, a ‘feeling of being watched’ is just a sense of paranoia.

Those recommending The Gift of Fear as the evidence you should trust your gut instinct are possibly sending a bit of a mixed up message. It’s extremely useful to trust your intuition when it comes to feeling wary of a person’s behaviour. Your instincts can give you a very definite sense that someone is a wrong ‘un. The book is not really talking about trusting instincts that are uncomfortable feelings about possible imaginary scenarios with no actual other people in sight.

What it comes down to though for the OP is that she is doing something she is supposed to enjoy (running) and she is not enjoying it because of an unsettled feeling she can’t put her finger on. The fact is that she is no more likely to be attacked in this particular place than she is in another place, but if she’s not enjoying running there then maybe she should run somewhere else. Without her AirPods. 🙄

I think in a specific situation it's best not to take any chances - so if you felt watched/followed or had been approached then I would phone someone to talk to and leave immediately - no problem. But I wouldn't never go back. Stopping doing things out of an anxiety that has no definite grounding is a very bad idea IMO. Obviously be aware of your surroundings but don't let baseless fear rule your life.

No one has been assaulted there and there haven't been any reports of women being approached. You have felt this a few times now and nothing has come of it. I would put it down to anxiety and do a few things to make yourself feel safer ie no airpods, carry an alarm, have a phone etc

*But I wouldn't never go back based on what has happened to you

Agree with most of what has been said above.
Vary your route, change routine and go with a friend, dog etc. but for god's sake don't carry Mace/pepper spray in the UK 😬 it's against the law and an offence under the Firearms Act!

You can carry an aerosol though! Body spray, hairspray, etc. There's no laws against that yet. In the Edwardian era women used their hatpins against men who assaulted them, then they brought in laws restricting the length of said hatpins so the men didn't get hurt. Shouldn't have been creeps then. 🙄

Take your dog with you and see how it behaves. I don't know what I would do if I were you, tbh I'm not 100% sure you were being watched by some evil human but there might be something that your brain picks on.
I never wear Aipods when go running in the fields tho.

Those recommending The Gift of Fear as the evidence you should trust your gut instinct are possibly sending a bit of a mixed up message. It’s extremely useful to trust your intuition when it comes to feeling wary of a person’s behaviour. Your instincts can give you a very definite sense that someone is a wrong ‘un. The book is not really talking about trusting instincts that are uncomfortable feelings about possible imaginary scenarios with no actual other people in sight.

I think The Gift of Fear does talk about feeling uncomfortable as a sign that your subconscious is picking up on things though, whether that be in a scenario with a potentially dangerous individual or whether it can be applied in situations like the OP described I can't remember as it's a while since I read it. But I would say it does apply since it's talking about how we pick up on things in our environment without consciously realising it.

OP, definitely listen to your gut! I used to walk my two small dogs in woodland about half a mile away from my house, I've been followed twice and another time I walked past some bushes and a random man was stood inside them just in view. It scared the life out of me! Another time, in a different walking place (on the canal), I was walking towards a bridge and I saw a man walking towards me far in the distance and I had this overwhelming feeling telling me to turn around. Then I thought "No, you're being silly" but as he got closer it became so strong that I couldn't ignore my instincts and so I turned on my heel and walked back quickly to somewhere more public. I now walk my dogs residentially, unless I go to the woods with my husband to walk them. A disgrace that women can't even walk their dogs in safety....

The only time I was shit scared out in the woods, beyond fear, I discovered the culprit: a goat (escapee 😆). The only times I've ever encountered flashers etc have been in built up areas. Woodland and wild places feel safe to me in a way a children's play park at dusk in a residential area would naturally feel dangerous. Sometimes the intuition radar is serving us well, other times not so well. In the Gift of Fear the author gives an example of this. So although I would certainly not dismiss OPs fears, I would also not advise her to forever avoid the park. As others have said, hearing the world around you is essential for many reasons. Walk accompanied for a while to allay the ick feel but aim to go back to your run. It's a public place that every one has a right to access.

I'm not sure about listening to your gut in this situation. Nothing has changed except that you are now feeling nervous. Any possible dangers haven't increased.

It's different from trusting you gut when you are in a new situation.

There is always a tiny risk when you are out on your own somewhere secluded. Earphones will increase that risk.

I will walk and bike in the countryside on my own happily but would be less comfortable walking around an urban park. I suppose my thought process would be that a predator would be more likely to go somewhere which is secluded but also close to houses.

I'd probably carry on but I would take precautions. I'd personally be loathe to give up Using headphones but I can see it would be safer not to have them. I'd have a phone and maybe an AirTag on me.

I would feel too unsettled now to walk alone there. Better to be safe than sorry.

Definitely listen to your instinct! Someone else has already mentioned it, but read 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin De Becker, we get these feelings for a reason and shouldn't ignore them