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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure whether to make plans again with flakey (ex)friends?

1 reply

Hotbrownie · 17/07/2023 00:13

Up until a year ago, I had some great local friends. There has been the odd issue but we always worked it out and we supported each other through the early kid years. I’ve seen them drop other people but thought we were friends for life.

Then we started drifting apart as kids got older, everyone’s dealing with busy lives (you know how it is) and tbh our kids don’t naturally get along. I really tried to keep in touch but got less and less back. Every time we arrange to meet up, they cancel, about 5 times in a row now, so haven’t seen them for nearly a year, and it’s a pain because we’re so busy otherwise I could have used that time to do something else and not have disappointed/bored kids. Pretty sure one of them‘s blocked me on FB! They don’t text in between trying to arrange meet ups and I’ve stopped initiating contact.

I’ve asked if we can talk about whether there’s a problem but they say it’s fine. I have cried many times about it, feel so hurt and lonely, but am coming to an acceptance with it and working on making other friendships.

Now they’re suggesting to make more plans. I’d love to see them but AIBU to think there’s no point making more plans because they’ll just cancel again? If I’ve done something wrong I’d love to know so I can try fix it or learn from it. Is there anything else I can do?

OP posts:
carltonscroop · 17/07/2023 09:33

You say the DC don't really get along. That'll be the main reason.

Yes, it's disappointing, even a bit crushing, to realise that you were a friend just for that time in your life. But that's what I see from your post. Now the DC are older, their lives have a different pattern.

What is the rest of the pattern of your life? Can you turn your energy to that?

You say that when they cancel on you, your DC are disappointed/bored. Well they might not have been wild about meeting people they don't really get on with that much. So what might they rather do in that time? If it was a joint outing, who would they rather go with?

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