Withdrawing from people after bereavement

[Griefsucks]

I lost my mum earlier this year. I've never been a big extroverted personality, but did enjoy social contact, both spending time doing activities with a few close friends and lighthearted chat or a coffee/ drink with acquaintances.

But I almost think I'm becoming a hermit. I think of my close friends with love, but am so exhausted and also feel like an alien - most of my friends have both parents, I have none now.

I've also noticed somebody I formerly thought of as a close friend has basically ghosted me, which is hurtful. Acquaintances have gone quiet too but that's a bit different I didn't expect anything there.

Is withdrawing from people part of bereavement?

I want to want to see people, and at the minute feel so tired and not sure where I fit in in the world at all.

I think when your world has shifted and your grief is so big its hard to meet with people who don't share your feelings. People forget and move on and you can't just yet. Think of it as a time to withdraw to only close friends and heal

I think it is, especially if those around you haven't been through it themselves. I lost DH last year and have definitely withdrawn from the world in part because none of my friends have been through it yet.

I agree with the above. I withdrew a bit from friends when my Dad died as I just had so much going on and often felt like being alone. I also noticed that people who had lost a parent were the ones I wanted to talk to because they knew how to be with me. Some people just avoided the subject.

I am so sorry about your Mum 💐

Oh goodness I'm so sorry you're going through this. But yes it is absolutely natural, it's a coping mechanism. Grief is also EXHAUSTING and sometimes the energy just isn't there. As for your friend withdrawing, often people struggle to know how to react or what to say, and end up saying nothing which isn't always right, but it might be that they think they are helping. Be gentle with yourself and don't think you 'should' be doing anything, just take each day as it comes. Sending love x

Thank you. It is a relief to see it seems to be very common to withdraw by varying degrees.

It's just so shitty.

I lost my brother almost a year ago. I've found myself gradually withdrawing. For example, I used to go Rock Choir but I haven't been able to since. It's hard to explain why exactly.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

My partner died in Nov. 2020, and I still can't face meeting people much. I especially struggle with going to events where there are lots of people.

I think it's quite normal.

💐Sorry you lost your Mum.

I can relate I think. I am not sure what the answer is but I am the same after loss.

<Hug>

Nobody tells you how bloody exhausting grief is. My mum died in May & I know exactly what you mean about being tired. There are people I’m avoiding because I just can’t cope with them right now.

It IS shitty and it does seem to be common.

I think it is very normal, that’s why you always remember the people who carried on messaging and inviting you but gave you free leeway to decline.

Grief is so so physically exhausting, much more than I had ever anticipated. It’s still early days for you relatively, and hopefully you’ll see your energy and inclination return as time goes on.

I remember for a long time worrying that I’d lost my empathy because I struggled to emotionally engage with anything, eg, if someone lost an older relative, to my shame I would think “well they had 30 years longer than my dad” (never out loud). I would say that’s evened out now, 5 years down the line. It all just takes time to sort of re enter the world

God yes. And the people who understand if you cancel or just can’t respond to them.

I saw a TV programme where they were having a 50th birthday party & the woman’s mum turned up as a surprise, & I was so angry, because I’m 50 soon & it felt totally unfair. I’m so sorry about your dad.