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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit peeved by this

14 replies

allthewaytobeanotown · 16/07/2023 17:34

Went out on Friday with a group of friends. It was one friend's birthday, not a special number or anything like that but an excuse to get together and go for dinner.

Just to be clear, there is no precedent in our group for paying for each other's birthday dinners.

Anyway, when we were in the bar friend made what I thought was a joke about us all paying for her dinner for her.

Later, in the restaurant, bill had arrived and was being split. Birthday friend went to the toilet and her fiance said "so we are all paying for X as it's her birthday, yes?" no one really said anything. Birthday friend's share of the bill came to £75 quid so it was only about another 12 pounds each to be fair on each person's bill.

AIBU to be a bit peeved by it. I sort of think it should have been something offered and taken up not demanded and assumed?

I mean, they we get on well and it didn't break the bank so it's not like I'm going to make an issue of it. But I just feel it should have been something we decided together and offered that than were told to do.

Do your worst, happy to be told AIBU and a tight friend.

OP posts:
Door12345 · 16/07/2023 17:37

100 per cent suggested by the finance as he didn't want to pay for her no doubt
I would 100 per cent be saying in the group WhatsApp chat that this now needs to be a thing for the whole group

Original poster
allthewaytobeanotown · 16/07/2023 17:38

Good point @Door12345 , it's my birthday at the end of the month 😂

OP posts:
drpet49 · 16/07/2023 17:40

Door12345 · 16/07/2023 17:37

100 per cent suggested by the finance as he didn't want to pay for her no doubt
I would 100 per cent be saying in the group WhatsApp chat that this now needs to be a thing for the whole group

This. Every birthday meal going forward, the birthday person gets theirs for free.

FranticElevator · 16/07/2023 17:40

I’m not tight but I hate having things sprung on me like this, also the birthday friend sounds like she was the one who instigated it and did that irritating disingenuous nonsense of “going to the toilet” when the bill appeared. On the whole it’s a bit shabby.

Original poster
allthewaytobeanotown · 16/07/2023 17:42

FranticElevator · 16/07/2023 17:40

I’m not tight but I hate having things sprung on me like this, also the birthday friend sounds like she was the one who instigated it and did that irritating disingenuous nonsense of “going to the toilet” when the bill appeared. On the whole it’s a bit shabby.

Yes, exactly this. It was the springing of it rather than the money itself. She's kind and generous overall so def don't begrudge it but it just sort of came out of nowhere. Just felt kind of rude.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 16/07/2023 17:52

Does the fiancé normally come to these birthday meals?

Jongleterre · 16/07/2023 17:54

Grasping behaviour.

I bet she won't be able to make it on your birthday outing.

Original poster
allthewaytobeanotown · 16/07/2023 17:55

GoodChat · 16/07/2023 17:52

Does the fiancé normally come to these birthday meals?

Yes, he's normally there. I've never paid for his dinner although it's on the same day as another one in the group and also falls in the run up to Christmas so not such an ostensibly birthday even when we meet then.

OP posts:
Original poster
allthewaytobeanotown · 16/07/2023 17:56

I think I am just a bit out of sorts generally as it was central London so knew it wasn't going to be a cheap night but I also hadn't factored in the cost of paying for someone else and I'm on maternity leave right now so money is a bit tight.

I feel like I could have declined the invite if I'd known this expectation would be involved?

OP posts:
UpaladderwatchingTV · 16/07/2023 18:03

I voted you are BU as you should have spoken up at the time, and even though you had the money, you could have said, 'sorry, I don't have the funds for that right now', that way you may have found other's backed you up, rather than starting another one of these stupid traditions, which cause people to have to spend more than they can afford, on buying someone else's meal.

Original poster
allthewaytobeanotown · 16/07/2023 18:04

UpaladderwatchingTV · 16/07/2023 18:03

I voted you are BU as you should have spoken up at the time, and even though you had the money, you could have said, 'sorry, I don't have the funds for that right now', that way you may have found other's backed you up, rather than starting another one of these stupid traditions, which cause people to have to spend more than they can afford, on buying someone else's meal.

That's fair! I take it, thank you.

OP posts:
Invisimamma · 16/07/2023 18:06

I get you! A friend's birthday we all chipped in £20 each for a gift, all fine it was agreed in advance. But come to the meal and when the bill comes someone says 'oh we should cover birthday girl's' and everyone agrees..it would seem tight to refuse but I've already bought her a gift
It also pushed the non-drinkers portion of the bill much higher.

Curtains70 · 16/07/2023 18:07

That's the fiance being tight 🤣

Original poster
allthewaytobeanotown · 16/07/2023 19:38

Invisimamma · 16/07/2023 18:06

I get you! A friend's birthday we all chipped in £20 each for a gift, all fine it was agreed in advance. But come to the meal and when the bill comes someone says 'oh we should cover birthday girl's' and everyone agrees..it would seem tight to refuse but I've already bought her a gift
It also pushed the non-drinkers portion of the bill much higher.

That's really not on! I was lucky that the bill was split by what we paid as some people had spent £70+ and others of us only £30 (driving, no starters or pudding).

OP posts:
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