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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Decline Hen Do invite

55 replies

Sandals94 · 16/07/2023 17:32

I hate them.
I know I'm miserable 🤣
How do you politely decline an invitation (its a family member and so I don't want to upset anyone, but nor do I want to have to explain myself either) there will be a lot of people going who I don't know all that well and some of the ladies are a little on the wild side 😜
Anyone have any magic polite decline ideas?! They'll know I'm not away, so can't use that! Should I just be honest and say hen's aren't my thing or does that sound awful 🤔

OP posts:
Squirrelblanket · 16/07/2023 18:19

I have declined lots of these by just saying, 'Unfortunately I won't be able to join you, but I hope you have a wonderful time!'

Definitely don't give a reason as you're just inviting them to solve whatever problem you mention.

mnahmnah · 16/07/2023 18:24

‘Thanks so much for the invitation, I hope you have an amazing time, but I’m afraid I can’t make it’

Bluevelvetsofa · 16/07/2023 18:30

I was invited to one that was over a weekend and was mostly much younger people than me. I couldn’t deal with the thought of sharing a hotel room with someone I didn’t know, so I said I was very honoured, but felt it better for the young ones to have a great weekend.

LindyLou2020 · 16/07/2023 18:48

LakeIsle48 · 16/07/2023 17:58

I think you should run with 'my cat is getting married that day'

But........what if the cat wants a hen do? Confused

Mulhollandmagoo · 16/07/2023 18:52

Absolutely you can say it's not your thing, we should do this more and more - so many people do stuff that they don't really want to because they don't just want to outright say no (guilty 🙋🏻‍♀️)

Reply just saying 'Thank you for the invite, thats not really my kind of thing, so I will give it a miss, but I hope you all have a brilliant time, can't wait to see the pictures xx' no fibbing, super breezy and you can sleep easy knowing you don't have to go

LlynTegid · 16/07/2023 18:55

Politely decline in good time.

wholivesondrurylane · 16/07/2023 18:56

LindyLou2020 · 16/07/2023 18:48

But........what if the cat wants a hen do? Confused

Show quote history

😂😂

CoffeeCantata · 16/07/2023 18:57

Yes - decline simply and distract attention by offering a contribution, if you can.

If pushed just be honest - say that you are not comfortable with big groups, especially unfamiliar ones. I plucked up courage to admit this recently and I was pleasantly surprised at how accepting many people were - and how many others 'came out' with me as feeling the same. You are not alone!

I am a sociable person, just not gregarious - there's a difference. And I can't stand loud, wild company. Just not me.

Grumpy101 · 16/07/2023 18:59

"Thank you so much for thinking of me. Unfortunately I won't be able to join but hope you have an amazing night."

Don't get yourself caught up in a lie

Honeychickpea · 16/07/2023 19:18

What is wrong with people on Mumsnet that they can't just politely decline? Manners were never taught?

SophieJo · 16/07/2023 19:20

Squirrelblanket · 16/07/2023 18:19

I have declined lots of these by just saying, 'Unfortunately I won't be able to join you, but I hope you have a wonderful time!'

Definitely don't give a reason as you're just inviting them to solve whatever problem you mention.

I agree with this. I totally understand and wouldn’t want to go myself.

redskytwonight · 16/07/2023 19:22

I think it's fine to say it's not your thing.

Unless you regularly do the same "thing" in other non hen do guises.

TheTecknician · 16/07/2023 19:29

A plain and simple 'thanks but no thanks' is all that is needed in these instances. I've declined four extended family wedding invitations in the last five years or so in the same way. But it's polite to do so straight away, then the hosts can forget about you and you can forget about the event. Result - everybody's happy (hopefully 😊 ).

Jeannie88 · 16/07/2023 19:45

Just say oh how lovely, thank you for the unite but sorry am unable to attend, hope you have a brilliant time and post pics! I've realised getting older you don't need to lie or explain, just keep it short and sweet. X

pilates · 16/07/2023 19:59

I would be honest and tell her the truth.

99victoria · 16/07/2023 20:03

One of my closest friends turned down the invite to my Hen Do. She just said it wasn't her kind of thing (which I knew of course because we were close friends) and that she'd love to take me out to the theatre one night instead. Which is what we did 😊

Beautiful3 · 16/07/2023 20:09

I'd tell the truth, sorry I like to be in bed by 10pm with a hot chocolate 😂

StellaJohanna · 16/07/2023 20:44

The last time I went to one was so awful, I promised myself never to do it again. (bride-to-be having sex in a nightclub with random stranger and the stripper later on - it was absolutely awful - especially given her groom-to-be was also a friend of mine) All I do now is say thanks for inviting me, but it's not my thing.

hugefanofcheese · 16/07/2023 20:55

Please don't lie or feel obliged to spend money. A timely 'thanks but I won't be able to make it. Have a wonderful time, looking forward to the wedding' is absolutely fine. If it's the MOH organising then she will just be grateful you've been crystal clear for her numbers.

If pushed then say it's not your thing but hope they all have a brilliant time, hopefully time for a quiet drink or lunch before the wedding.

Is it local though? I was at one recently and a couple of guests just joined for a quick drink to toast the bride and then slipped off before the activities got going. She was happy to see them, they showed their faces and there was no pressure to stay out all night. Another joined the lunch the next day only. Could there be the possibility of only joining some parts? Not saying you're obliged, just in case you felt it was all or nothing it may not be the case.

OhmygodDont · 16/07/2023 20:58

I love a good Facebook invite so easy to just click no.

But anyway. Like others. Just thank you but I won’t be able to attend. Hope you have a great though.

Wonderwoman333 · 16/07/2023 21:02

Ponderingwindow · 16/07/2023 18:02

I’m old enough now that I would just be honest and say something like “I’m just no fun at these kinds of events and tend to want to go home early. I’d love to take you out for a fancy lunch to celebrate instead, my treat, how about the x th?”

I like this option the most. It lets her know that you want to see her and celebrate but in a different way and I would understand and be happy if I received this response.

Catsmere · 17/07/2023 03:57

Not enjoying hens' nights isn't miserable! Just a form of say thanks but no thanks, as PP have suggested.

blahblahblah1654 · 17/07/2023 04:02

Just say you can't make it. No need to say why.

blahblahblah1654 · 17/07/2023 04:03

OhmygodDont · 16/07/2023 20:58

I love a good Facebook invite so easy to just click no.

But anyway. Like others. Just thank you but I won’t be able to attend. Hope you have a great though.

Do people still do Facebook groups these days? I thought it's more WhatsApp now.

OhmygodDont · 17/07/2023 07:26

The last hen I was invited to last year was set up as a Facebook for those on Facebook everyone else just got a text.