To move on from friendship?

[SummerDuck]

So I have a friend from school I would consider close. Neither of us live in our hometown but aren’t far away- I am in a larger city around 45 minutes away and she’s in a town about an hour from me.

Basically I just can’t work out whether she views the friendship in the same way as me as I get so many mixed messages. We see each other mostly back in our hometown at events arranged by our mutual friend group. She is constantly saying when I see her that we must meet up and how I must come to visit her, but these suggestions are always in the abstract and there are never any firm arrangements. She is very friendly at these events and acts like a close friend would if that makes sense.

On the rare occasions we do see each other, these meet ups are nearly always instigated by me. I was just thinking about messaging her to suggest something (as discussed when we met in a group about 6 weeks ago) but I am having second thoughts as I just don’t know if she is really interested in the friendship as much as I am. Tbh if I didn’t initiate contact, I’m not sure I would see her again this year!

WIBU to pull back a bit from the friendship and wait for her to contact me?

Hi op yes I pulled back they did too! One friend had alot going on the other just zero effort. Sometimes things fizzle out in friends. But like you I got tired making all the effort.

I think she obviously likes you, and still wants to be friends if she comes across as genuine. But then life gets in the way, kids get in the way, jobs, work, relatives get in the way and before you know it 6 months have passed and she hasn't got round to messaging you to sort out a date. I'm terrible for being like this. If she still is enthusiastic about meeting up when you do contact her I wouldn't bin off the friendship. She probably still wants to be friends and meet up, but is just busy with life. You prioritising the friendship more doesn't mean she doesn't value it as much. Well it doesn't in my book anyway!

How old are you?

I think in 30s friends can come and go in waves depending on life stages I'm closer to some mum friends that I drifted apart from in early 30s now I'm a mum and a few of my drinking buddy night out friends have disappeared, but I'm not holding that against them I don't think they want to spend their evenings doing bath time with me and we'll reconnect I'm sure when I'm out and about being social after 6pm again

I had two close friends of 20+ years who I was very close to. Over the years our meet ups had tailed off and I realised I was always the one suggesting meeting up. And that they would often cancel. I pulled back. Now we meet up a couple times a year , send each other cards and phone/text sporadically. As soon as stopped expecting more from the friendship it got a lot easier