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Original poster

To drop of flowers for old boss at her first day back after husband died?

26 replies

TomorrowToday · 16/07/2023 10:16

My old boss (lovely woman) had her husband die and going back to work tomorrow.

I sent her a sms a couple of weeks after the passing and donated to the charity in her husbands name.

Would it be weird if I drop of flowers and chocolates at her house (and not say hello)?

What would I write in the card.

OP posts:
WhiteFire · 16/07/2023 10:18

It would be a lovely thought.

Just write something along the lines of "thinking of you as you go back to work"

TheHorneSection · 16/07/2023 10:19

That’s a very kind thought. I’d possibly go for a small plant as they take less work and last longer than flowers, or even just a nice cake for her break. But I’m sure she will really appreciate the thought

GreyStampIcon · 16/07/2023 10:21

It’s such a lovely idea but suspect she will be fed up of flowers by now. My preferred gift for hard times is a Just Eat voucher so she can have a takeaway when she can’t face eating. If not available in your area then maybe cash or cook vouchers. Don’t worry about getting what you write in the card right or wrong, what matters is that you say something.

HermeticDawn · 16/07/2023 10:22

Not flowers. They’re quite likely to just remind her of funeral flowers this soon afterwards. Otherwise, it’s a nice thought. Write whatever you’re feeling in the card, though, are you close? As in, are you actually friends? Because people are likely to value far more some actual interaction with another human being when bereaved.

Original poster
TomorrowToday · 16/07/2023 10:24

HermeticDawn · 16/07/2023 10:22

Not flowers. They’re quite likely to just remind her of funeral flowers this soon afterwards. Otherwise, it’s a nice thought. Write whatever you’re feeling in the card, though, are you close? As in, are you actually friends? Because people are likely to value far more some actual interaction with another human being when bereaved.

I don't know how to actually act in this situation. She is someone who I get on with yes and we would go out etc. I'm also pregnant now (unplanned) so having to deal with that etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
TomorrowToday · 16/07/2023 10:24

GreyStampIcon · 16/07/2023 10:21

It’s such a lovely idea but suspect she will be fed up of flowers by now. My preferred gift for hard times is a Just Eat voucher so she can have a takeaway when she can’t face eating. If not available in your area then maybe cash or cook vouchers. Don’t worry about getting what you write in the card right or wrong, what matters is that you say something.

Thanks for the idea!

OP posts:
gogomoto · 16/07/2023 10:27

Chocolates and a thinking of you card is perfect. This really is about the gesture not the item given. Inside the card write something like thinking of you on your first day back in work. If you want to meet up for a coffee sometime just call ... she might not want to but doll for some people sitting down for a drink, just the company is vital

CC4712 · 16/07/2023 10:27

A lovely thought- but agree with not getting a bunch of fresh flowers. 30yrs after my fathers death, the smell of a certain lilly still reminds me of that awful time.

A plant, box of chocs, packet of nice biscuits, coffee bags, tea bags, cake etc would be lovely.

Do you still work together in the same company or when you say old boss- is she at a different company now? For the card, I'd write something like 'Thinking of you you, and wishing you all the best for tomorrow'

FloweryName · 16/07/2023 10:29

How long since her husband died? Sending flowers following a death is for immediately afterwards, not when the widow is ready to go back to work. It would have completely thrown me when I was in the position.

I would save the flowers for the first anniversary and just give a card for now.

EarringsandLipstick · 16/07/2023 10:31

It's lovely but also follow up with some direct contact. Ask to meet for coffee, call her, even a text.

The gestures are welcome but actually being there for someone, after the immediate bereavement, is more important.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 16/07/2023 10:35

How about an
orchid plant?

Swg · 16/07/2023 10:39

I know you're being kind but if it's her first day bavk please don't. If she's back this soon she very possibly wants work as a distraction from grief. People insisting on dragging her mind back to it may not be welcome.

Original poster
TomorrowToday · 16/07/2023 10:45

How about I drop a food voucher of whilst she's at work?

OP posts:
Karrpt · 16/07/2023 10:48

Good god, don't take her a just eat voucher on her first day back at work. Just bizarre.

Give her a call after work and see if she fancies meeting for a drink and chat to her about her day. But don't accost her at her desk with a fucking gift card.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 16/07/2023 10:49

I really appreciated flowers after my mum died. I love flowers. They didn’t remind me of the funeral. In the sense I was not really thinking of anything else anyway. Everyone is different obviously. It’s rarely wrong to do something kind.

I’d get a blank generic card and write “I am thinking of you inside”. Flowers or a plant or a cake or chocolates would all be appropriate. Personally I’d not really want a just eat voucher. I mean I would be grateful for the thought but I’d much prefer a small gift.

Swannyb · 16/07/2023 10:53

I like the food voucher idea. Perhaps you could pop in the card something about offering to join her for the takeaway, if she likes? I’m not sure how to put that into words right now though!

Sapphire387 · 16/07/2023 11:22

I'd get chocolates and a card instead, and time it for the evening (or end of working day if you still work together... that is unclear).

I have been widowed. I expect she will be trying to get through the day without bursting into tears. And then she will be exhausted by the end of it, so it would be nice to have something to go home with / be greeted with in the evening.

zingally · 16/07/2023 11:23

It's a lovely thought, but a simple card would do just as well. She's probably a bit sick of flowers.

CoreyTaylorsSoggyTshirt · 16/07/2023 11:27

I would just send her a text after work and ask how it was, maybe arrange to meet for a coffee or something.

It's a bit odd to get a gift for the first day back at work after the death of her husband imo.

After I was bereaved I felt like gifts placed an expectation on me for a response and gratitude, and they made me feel like people pitied me, I much preferred people just being normal and taking the time to chat to me.

Ponoka7 · 16/07/2023 11:27

I agree to not go into her workplace. She might want to keep it low key and you'll blow that by you wanting to do something. Work might be her escape from grief. I say that as someone who was widowed in her thirties with three children. I was a bit perplexed by the continual grieving I was supposed to do and the ongoing gestures by other people. None who offered to come out for a night out.

lyridiculous · 16/07/2023 11:40

Swg · 16/07/2023 10:39

I know you're being kind but if it's her first day bavk please don't. If she's back this soon she very possibly wants work as a distraction from grief. People insisting on dragging her mind back to it may not be welcome.

She's obviously going to be thinking of her husband anyway once she arrives home!

Poppyblush · 16/07/2023 11:44

What about just popping by to reach out in person?

Original poster
TomorrowToday · 16/07/2023 13:19

Poppyblush · 16/07/2023 11:44

What about just popping by to reach out in person?

I'm really bad with social interactions :/

OP posts:
Original poster
TomorrowToday · 16/07/2023 13:20

Ponoka7 · 16/07/2023 11:27

I agree to not go into her workplace. She might want to keep it low key and you'll blow that by you wanting to do something. Work might be her escape from grief. I say that as someone who was widowed in her thirties with three children. I was a bit perplexed by the continual grieving I was supposed to do and the ongoing gestures by other people. None who offered to come out for a night out.

It would be her house. We live close by. That's my old company. I would also be at my own job tomorrow

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 16/07/2023 13:25

A simple card or message is enough. A good voucher is a very odd gift especially to a former manager of yours.

or wait until the day is over and text her asking how she got on and you’ve been thinking of her.