Partner at pub, baby 9 days old

[Roundandnettledr]

I’m pissed off with my partner, he asked me if I minded if he went out ‘for a quick drink, 1 maybe 2 pint max, won’t be a late one or out long’ which I said was fine. We have a 2 year old and a 9 day old baby.

3 hours later I haven’t heard from him, and when I messaged to ask what was going on he got defensive saying it wasn’t that late and he’s only had 3 drinks.

I don’t understand why he couldn’t have texted to say he was going to stay longer and check we were ok at home.

when I was 36 weeks pregnant he went out to the pub ‘won’t be a late one but don’t wait up’ I woke up at 1.30am with no messages from him and he didn’t respond to my text asking if he was ok but rolled in at 2.30am. I was upset that I didn’t know where he was at such a late stage in the pregnancy. As it happened I went into labour 4 days later.

I wouldn’t normally want to keep tabs on where he is or expect him back at a particular time but I think given the circumstances of both these times being very pregnant and having a newborn it’s fair enough to expect a message from him if he’s gunna be later than he said - am I being unreasonable?

Posts like this baffle me. You know you’re not being unreasonable, surely? Why are you tolerating this?

am I being unreasonable?

You know you aren't.
Problem is what do you do about it.

Been there done this OP! It's super annoying when you know what it leads to (hangover, no help tomorrow etc) I don't think some men truly appreciate how fraught 1st few weeks with a new baby can be, enough stress without worrying where he is on top. Hope he comes back soon x

YANBU. He’s out shirking his responsibilities and taking advantage of your good nature.

I’d be talking with him about this and expecting more help and support. I assume they’re his children too.

YANBU, but you know that. And likely did when you decided to have a second baby.

YANBU my ex did the same just before baby was born and then left me the next week as apparently I don't handle my stress and anxiety well enough, not considering for a moment his behaviour could be linked to me being stressed.... (not trying to imply that yours is planning this but just showing how selfish they can be!)

You need to have a very serious conversation about what you will and won't tolerate. Be very strong. And start hovering at 5am if you're up with baby then to wake him up and then tell him to take 2 year old out at 6am so that you and baby can rest (and baby too if you're not breatfeeding) It will be so painful doing that with a hangover

Hovering*
Loudly

I thought this would be him struggling to understand your needs with first baby but nope, it's the second.

Can you spell out practically what impact this has had on you eg you haven't been able to go to the loo or get a cup of tea for 3 hours, can't play with the 2yo because baby is constantly feeding or whatever.

I think this will feel less like sour grapes to him, it's not you saying he can't go out and have fun if you can't it's him needing to be a proper partner and dad.

Good luck with it. Hope he's only a temporary arse.