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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I've cured myself of hating my body?

8 replies

AreolaGrande · 15/07/2023 20:31

Long story v short: have always had unhealthy relationship with food and low self-esteem caused by growing up in a house where food was restricted and worth was directly determined by dress size. My mother has made me feel horrendous ever since I hit puberty and developed a body shape entirely different to hers (she is a boyish size 8 - I am v curvy).

My twenties were spent wearing black and trying to be invisible. My thirties were spent starving myself, abusing laxatives, weighing every single morsel I ate, refusing any social event that involved eating, weighing myself twice a day. From age 20 to 40 the biggest I was was a UK 16. Smallest was a 10. I avoided cameras this entire time. There are only a handful of pics of me in existence (probably because my mum once handed me a photo of me dressed up at Xmas when I was feeling like I looked pretty and said "There, that can be your "before" photo").

Now at 43 and after shitloads of therapy I have finally stopped hating my body. I don't care what my mum thinks anymore. I haven't weighed myself in 3 years. I've settled at a UK 14 (16 if neat fitting/zip or boob buttons). I walk the dog every day and do YouTube yoga/meditation. I have amazing kids, a wonderful DP (who loves my body) and a generally lovely life. I eat a balanced diet. I wear bright colourful clothes and have so much fun wearing vintage and loud stuff that old me would've cried if I had to wear.

The proof for me was this week when I went to a sporting event with DP and ended up on the telly 🙈🙉🙊. Previously I would have done everything I could to avoid ever seeing this footage and if I had seen it, it would have inevitably triggered a massive breakdown for me followed by a crash diet/laxatives etc. Today I watched the footage and thought "Yep that's me" and "hair looks a bit windswept".

AIBU to think and hope that I'm finally at peace with myself? I feel like something has fundamentally changed in my brain..

OP posts:
dovesong · 15/07/2023 20:34

This is wonderful to hear. I'm thrilled for you! I'm also a size fourteen and am fine with my body - it's so freeing!

Tiredjoanna · 15/07/2023 20:36

Good for you, sounds like you're finally at peace. Enjoy life 😊

ADHDGURL · 15/07/2023 22:24

That's so lovely to read and inspiring ❤️

Morewineplease10 · 15/07/2023 22:28

Great! Good on you op!

LooseInTheCity · 15/07/2023 22:32

Marvellous news! Flowers.

Crimblecrumblelover · 15/07/2023 22:40

As someone who has struggled with her body image since I was 8 years old and has always been on a diet or exercising to lose weight/maintain weight this makes me so happy. I wish i could have such confidence. Im so pleased for you OP.

SilverCatStripes · 15/07/2023 22:44

Fantastic OP.

You are a goddess and it’s good you recognise it!

AreolaGrande · 15/07/2023 23:05

Thanks for the replies. I figured when I wrote this post that I wouldn't be alone in having this kind of messed up history with body image and food etc.

Weirdly, my mum and I now have a decent relationship. I have found things out that go some way to explaining why she was the way she was when I was growing up. I understand her more and she was the victim of her own upbringing (isn't it always the case). She shows kindness and acceptance towards my kids that she was unable to show me. I know it's a concerted effort on her part, almost an unspoken acknowledgement of her parental weaknesses. I think she is genuinely proud that I am a very different kind of mum to her.

💐🍷

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