Help telling husband I want a divorce

[Needhelptodothis]

Hi, I need advice from other peoples experiences.

For various reasons I know my marriage is over. My husband has worked away a lot in recent years and finds it hard to hold down a permanent job so I have been effectively living alone as a sole parent 80% of the time. We have two children aged 12 and 9.

As I say, I know it’s over and that is definite. We are arguing more when he is at home and he has a temper in front of the children. There has never been violence.

He goes away again next week for two months, during which time I intend to get some legal advice to get a better understanding of my rights etc.

My issue is I think this is going to be unexpected for him, I think he’s unaware of quite how far we’ve drifted apart. When he gets back I will need to talk to him but how have people handled this practically when they have children in the house?

Please don’t suggest marriage counselling etc, for various reasons it’s way beyond this. I’d be really grateful to hear from anyone who has been in this position as to how the discussions have been had while protecting the children in the short term.

I’m in a similar situation, but haven’t told my husband anything yet. What did you do?

Hi. I'm not sure if either of you ladies got any further, but I was asking those same questions not so long ago. I chose a date on the calendar and bit the bullet... Started by talking about how unhappy I was... And how I presumed he must feel the effects of that...I asked for a separation and set a date 3 months in the future for him to move out. That date passed plus a couple of extra months, by which time I began to lose all compassion for him and his stalling tactics. He did everything to stay. It took me finding a flat round the corner and literally pulling in family to move him for me. It's never going to be easy. But I wish I had done it sooner and ended it quicker. I was far too nice and suffered emotionally and mentally as a consequence. So all I want to say is, don't waste months and years of your life being afraid of starting the process of separating or divorcing. Be brave.