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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this normal?

15 replies

tattooedteagal · 15/07/2023 19:11

My mum popped over for a cuppa and we decided to walk to the shop (DM, me, and the kids). It was a bit rainy and windy but not too bad. I was wearing a long sleeved top but no raincoat (we're in the middle of moving house and I've already packed it away). DM practically screamed at me in the middle of the street to go back and get my coat or I'd get ill and unable to look after my children. I genuinely wasn't cold and the shop is literally a 3 minute walk... And I'm 33.

Is it an overreaction that I was boiling with rage?

(This is one of many incidents lately?)

Anyone else's mum like this?

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 15/07/2023 19:13

Boiling with rage is an over reaction yes, but I’d absolutely be annoyed too.

EtchAFerret · 15/07/2023 19:15

It’s an overreaction to be boiling with rage, yes, but likewise your mother telling a 30-plus year old adult to put on a coat is also unreasonable.

Original poster
tattooedteagal · 15/07/2023 19:15

@TeaKitten I was surprised at my own reaction tbh but it's one of many similar incidents lately.

OP posts:
toochesterdraws · 15/07/2023 19:17

Erm... no that's not normal. She has no right to talk to you like that. You wouldn't tolerate it from someone else, so please don't tolerate it from her either.

toochesterdraws · 15/07/2023 19:18

When I say not normal, I mean her screaming at you is not normal, not your reaction, which was totally justified.

TaylorTickets · 15/07/2023 19:20

I have literally argued with my mum tonight because she keeps undermining me with my kids and then told me to ‘watch my tone’ when I told her to back off. I’m in my mid thirties and she still treats me like a teenager who is expected to completely defer to her in all decisions. Drives me nuts

Yahyahs22 · 15/07/2023 19:21

Has she always been like this?

Chatterbuginabox · 15/07/2023 19:21

Yabu to feel rage, but i get it. Im 46 and my mum is still like this. I usually give her the 5 second glare.

its also normal to be more irritated by our nearest and dearest during stressful life events. You mentioned moving, could you be a bit (understandably) tetchy anyway?

My mum recently asked why i was wearing a dress when my legs were looking very pale and blotchy 🙄, she got a 5 second stare (at her pale legs 🤣) mums will always be our mums and im just happy shes here to irritate the socks off me 🥰

Mortgageportgage · 15/07/2023 19:22

My Maa would probably do the same but it would be out of genuine concern, mixes with her communication style. I'd just role my eyes.

Original poster
tattooedteagal · 15/07/2023 19:22

@toochesterdraws thank you. Having mixed feelings about her lately. On one hand, I'm like 'at least she cares' and it's well meaning, etc. On the other hand, I'm not 8!

OP posts:
Superdupes · 15/07/2023 19:38

It sounds like you both have quite extreme emotions.

Original poster
tattooedteagal · 15/07/2023 19:42

@TaylorTickets sorry to hear that. My mum is the same. Makes me feel like a crap mother 😔

OP posts:
justanotherdrop · 15/07/2023 19:44

Oh I hear you OP. Is it "normal?" Yeah a lot of mums do this. Is it healthy? No. My mum similar. It's super tough. She does it to the children too. Don't they need a coat? Don't they need suncream? ARGH!!!!!

toochesterdraws · 16/07/2023 00:08

tattooedteagal · 15/07/2023 19:22

@toochesterdraws thank you. Having mixed feelings about her lately. On one hand, I'm like 'at least she cares' and it's well meaning, etc. On the other hand, I'm not 8!

How would you feel if your employer spoke to you like that? Or a friend? You'd be rightly furious.

Your mum can't tell you what to do any more - you're a grown-up!

Cocoalover · 16/07/2023 00:18

I'm 29, and my mother still tells me off for not wearing a coat if it's cold/wet
I am used to it now and just say ok, I accept that this is just her. She never shouts in a malicious way, though, I think if she was nasty about it, then I'd be a little annoyed but not filled with rage

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