Throwing myself out there. Please be gentle.
DS1 is diagnosed autistic. I'm also diagnosed autistic. DH is also likely autistic.
DS1 is verbal, clever and chatty. However he is one tough cookie. He has violent meltdowns. He finds it hard to listen and follow instructions in (most) places outside of the home. He causes mess -tips out toys but doesn't play with them. Drops food everywhere. He takes his own things to school and brings school things home (anxiety related but basically steals school stuff). He can't focus on the carpet at school (school want him to have a 1:1). He's very controlling. Can't be taken for meals out. Has a 1:1 at swimming lessons but basically they spend their time making sure he doesn't drown. Hes still not fully toilet trained. Basically... high needs and really hard work 24/7.
I think he needs to eventually go to a special school. I think he can't help much of his behaviour. Despite consistent boundaries he just can't follow them.
Dh says if we send him to special school he won't achieve as much as we aren't pushing him. He also says we need to have stricter boundaries and he "will behave." I think it's just my sons disability and that he tries his hardest every single day. DH's disapproval breaks my heart so much.
I don't know how to make him see that DS isn't naughty but disabled and that just because he's verbal doesn't mean he isn't profoundly autistic. Or do I have one of those classic naughty British kids?
In short...is my boy naughty or disabled? How do I stop DH being so disapproving?