To think that this probably isn't normal?

[notnormalmaybe]

I really struggle with the basics of looking after myself. Preparing meals, getting dressed, brushing my teeth, washing my face, drinking water. It takes a lot of effort for me, and most of the time I don't bother when I'm just at home. I'm ok at keeping my home clean but only because I get a lot of comfort from my environment. When I work from home I do the bare minimum to look presentable in virtual meetings - makeup, styled hair and a nice top - but will struggle to motivate myself to brush my teeth, wash my face and eat something. It's like a complete facade.

However, anyone who doesn't live with me wouldn't know from the outside looking in. Whenever I go out I kind of go in the opposite direction and will have freshly washed hair, a full face of makeup, manicured nails, etc.

I always thought it was due to childhood as I remember lazy half-terms when me and my siblings would stay in our PJs and watch TV all day. But I'm starting to wonder if it's something more. I don't think it's depression as it has been consistent throughout a lot of phases of my life.

Does anyone else relate?

Exactly the same. I’m not great at keeping anything tidy but having mess enrages me. So my environment looks tidy but never open any of my cupboards 😑. Love looking and feeling great but the effort of getting there feels like a mountain to climb at times. I forget to drink water all day then wonder why I feel rotten by evening time. I also forget to eat at times but will then have times where I binge because I don’t know what to do with myself.

I’ve suspected adhd since I was a teenager but no one took me seriously when I mentioned it 20 years ago. Trying again now as it finally seems to be recognised more in women. I’m certainly not depressed, whilst life can be very stressful at times I certainly don’t have low mood. Just an overworked brain that doesn’t know what to do next - wants to do everything at once and end up doing almost nothing at all.

Yes I've been like this for as long as I can remember however I've gone more downhill the last few years and my house has become a mess and disorganised Evan though I hate this kind of lIving environment. I finally had enough of this and was actually referred this week for assessment for ADHD.

its crap and I drive myself mad being like this but for some reason i can't seem to do anything about it and its so hard ti explain to other people

I always brush my teeth but the rest I am the same. Then again I don't wear makeup for work either, but showered ans clean hair

Pressed too soon!
My bedroom and spare room are a real mess but my lounge and kitchen are usually tidy.
ADHD suspected here (by Dr)

Yes adhd

I will also mention adhd but these issues can be prevalent in autism too. Have a Google of executive function with adhd/autism.

I have started to consider ADHD. It's weird because I can present myself as an organised, high achiever to the outside world, so much so that I even used to think of myself as one. It wasn't until I realised that underneath anything I associated as being evidence of me being organised and self-disciplined was actually a lot of struggle. For example, I'd get really high grades at university so came across as a dedicated student, but actually I'd wait until the last minute to do assignments and exam prep and the stress and adrenaline would carry me through.

I have 2 siblings with autism, and my Dad has a lot of ADHD traits.

Yes. I have C-PTSD which overlaps a lot with ADHD so many of the same “issues”.

I think what you’re describing is actually not especially unusual, and although I’m sure it certainly fits in with the executive dysfunction elements with ADHD as PPs have said, I think plenty of neurotypical people probably share this trait too. However, If you have lots of other traits that might also be part of an ADHD pattern, then that might be worth investigating (only if you wanted to and would find it useful of course).

Looking at your follow-up comments, you sound a lot like me. I don’t know if I have ADHD (I’ve never really thought about it to be honest!) but I do have dyspraxia and I know the conditions sometimes overlap. I very easily descend into goblin-mode when left to my own devices, particularly when I’m hovering on the brink of depression, and I’m an absolute shocker for leaving things until the last minute.

google inattentive adhd

i was diagnosed late with this in april,im 42

Yes I find all these things difficult and do everything last minute if at all. I have been diagnosed ADHD inattentive through NHS.

Sounds like me. I'm diagnosed with autism. Think it's very common for neurodivergent people to be like this.

@Gerrataere I also forget to eat at times

I don't want to belittle your condition, but speaking as someone with a more than healthy appetite: how on earth does this happen? Do you not experience hunger? After three hours (at most) without eating my stomach thinks my throat's been cut.

It too me a long time to get to the stage of washing, cleaning teeth and fresh clothes every day after a neglectful childhood where I wasn’t raised to do this. It something you just work and work at till it becomes routine. Now I love feeling clean and cared for and hate not being.

It very much sounds to me like inattentive ADHD but there could also be elements of autism too. Making things look a certain way to others is masking and sounds like there were also perfectionist traits too. The family history also makes it more likely.

I never wake up feeling an immediate need to eat something straight away.

If I have things to do, places to go, I will sometimes not eat anything until as late as 8pm.

When I do start, it can be constant grazing until I go to bed, hence I'm overweight. 😏

Absolutely relate. Simplest things such a struggle.

You sound similar to me. I have adhd.

no one at work would even suspect. I often have a nice top and my pj bottoms, from the night before on a teams meeting. Some days I really hate the thought of a shower. Not like I can’t be arsed. But like I really genuinely seething hate the thought I should shower. So I don’t. The days I am in the office it’s never like that. I can get up at 3am, get a shower, do make up, get dressed, drink a couple of coffees and be on a train to London at 5.30am with no issues.

However, I would say that during the pandemic I know quite a people who are NT who also felt like this. Some still do. I don’t think tv pandemic cause it, but the opportunity arose more because people were at home all the time.

Most of these people (and me) are much happier working hybrid. But still revert to this state if they are working at home for prolonged periods.

Look up "interoception autism".

In case it helps at all- I struggled enormously with all this, and just put myself together for the “outside world,” and then I’d come home and collapse like a puppet with my strings cut ,
when I was suffering from burnout. Whether autistic or adhd I don’t know; I do know I am neurodivergent.

but it also gets better at times. I had to sleep a LOT, find a job that doesn’t drain me and doesn’t stress me out, and now I’m finally finding it easier and more habitual to take care of myself and my home.

I’m not perfect, and my house is still cluttered, but there’s more energy to do these things, where before I just felt so tired and overwhelmed, even my bones ached.

it could be burnout. Take a B12 supplement and rest whenever you can. Minimize stress as much as possible (I know this isn’t easy.).

I changed to a low paying job (I work in a library) in trade for cutting stress and workplace politics out of my life. I am so glad I did.

I am autistic and have a number of the markers for adhd.
I have to set household tasks over the week so the house looks ok and I don't get overwhelmed . I hate showers but will push myself every other day. I like baths but find them time consuming. I hate washing my hair I do it maybe once a week.
Food, I chop a load of veg at beginning of the week so I don't have as much prep.
Phone calls/admin I have to psych myself up for once I start I try to get it all done.
I do a basic exfoliate, moisturise, put foundation, powder, blush and eyeliner/mascara on every day I'm leaving the house it takes a few minutes. If I'm not going out beyond dog walk or shop I don't bother

With those genetics it’s likely you are neurodiverse in some way.

Would a diagnosis help? You could put strategies in place anyway even without one, but it might motivate you if you have that explanation.

Yes. I got diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year at 40

This is very much the same for me.