Overbearing MIL

[Patsee]

AIBU? Aussie bird here..... South East Asian and so is the husband..... We were both 19 & 18 when we conceived. Birthed a beautiful baby boy .... 2023 he's an adult, no issues just the usual grrr! Anyway... Exactly a year ago we moved the husband's mother into our home.... Mind you, we haven't lived with her for the past 18 years or so.... And now she's moved in with us. We have a large house so plenty of room... We accomplished everything she wanted! Garden is looking immaculate! 6months on.... I'm regretting it... why? I feel like she's taking over my "wife duties' meaning for the last 20 years I've taken care of the husband! Now his mother is competing with me to get his dinner on table first! She makes him eat her food even though I cooked. She dismisses my food! The husband eats whatever is in front of him even though he's fully satisfied! His mother makes him eat her food and he's obliged to do so! I'm so pissed off. I've spoken to the husband and told him how I felt.... But he constantly makes excuses for her! Where can I make him to make excuses for me!?! I'm so over it!😠

I don’t think there’s much you can do about it really. If she’s living with you she’s probably stuck for things to do and contribute- her contribution is cooking and being Mom.
It would infuriate me too but you had to have known this would happen if she moved in.

I don’t understand how you can be both cooking a meal without noticing? Do you have 2 kitchens. Can you do a rota?

Does she make you food as well? I would just stop cooking and eat what she cooks

Before she moved in the hubby and I would eat whatever is leftover in the fridge..... But now that she's hear she would make him fresh food. And! She would force him to eat even though I made a big brekkie for him literally 1 hour ago! It's like as if My cooking is redundant.....

Is she buying this food? Can you just let her cook as her contribution to the household?

why are you both running about feeding him??

Oh it's great that she cooks and the husband eats her food. But I'm not a big fan of her flavour! We have different taste and cook and eat what I want and she does the same. But my issue is that my husband eats what I have been making for years and all of a sudden, his mum is hear and she tries to make him eat her food.... Which is fine.... Thank you mum for feeding him! I'm done now.... Can I leave and just think about myself and not worry about taking care of a man!!!

At first that's what it felt like,... But fuck! I don't need this shit! I'm so over it! No hate to the hubby for sure! Where is my care ?! Nada!!

I'd hate for my MIL to be in my house, but if someone decides to take over the cooking - and the shopping - I'd leave them to be and enjoy the freedom😂

It would drive me less mad to just ignore her.

He’s the problem. Nobody can force another adult to eat their food. Seriously, the problem is your husband.

Does she have to live with you?

If she's in your home and making you unhappy, surely the options are that she changes her ways or moves out?

Lol why did you allow her to move in, what did you expect would happen.

Can she live elsewhere?

How exactly does she force him to eat?

Well this would piss me off because my hobbie/love is making food lol and trying new recipes can’t you get a schedule in place? You may really like some of her dishes and she might really love yours? I’d put a cooking rota in place?

Just politely explain its wasteful too? Bet your husband is absolutely loving it though! Lol.

Have you told her to stop? Or explained how you feel?

I'd be over the moon if someone else took over our household cooking!
And the problem here is your HUSBAND, he's a grown man, why are you defending him! He obviously wants to eat MILs food instead of yours or he'd put a stop to it.

I feel like I've stumbled into the 1950s

Appreciate all your comments. I'm just going to continue doing what I'm doing which is cooking foods I want to eat and the husband and mother in-law can do whatever the F#*K they want! Eat it, don't eat it IDGF! not going to waste anymore energy and feelings!

Right!?!😅