Child maintenance

[ADHDmother]

AIBU? For background I’m divorced. I live with a new partner who my children adore and who has never been a nacho step parent to them. The adoration is mutual. We have recently changed jobs with the intention of paying off some post house move debt. We, thankfully should earn over 100k between and be able to pay off debt and hopefully a bit of over payment on the mortgage.

DC 1 has a very volatile realionship with my ex who has suspected Autism and ADHD. we have tried numerous times to facilitate visits to ex but it has now fallen through in what appears to be a long term arrangement. I suspect ex is fairly skint. Earns approx 40k between x2 jobs. I assessed maintenance via the on-line calculator and this relates to our original 60/40 split.

AIBU to not increase maintenance payments as I can afford to not have this and it would probably leave ex in financial straits? Ex has always been a bit vague about finances and was financially controlling.

I think you would be UR, yes. I believe firmly in the principle of parents being responsible financially (and in other ways, obviously) for their children. You having a partner who gets on well with your dc is completely irrelevant and I don't really see why you opened with that. You doing well financially is also irrelevant, and, while it hopefully won't change, it could, so that is also something to consider. You over-paying on your mortgage has absolutely no bearing on your dc's father being financially responsible for them. Your child is entitled to a financial contribution from both parents, whether they get on or not. If you don't need the money for day-to-day costs you can put it away for the dc - it's not your place to deny them of that.

You should contact CMS with new details of contact arrangements so they can adjust the claim. I don't know why you're worrying it would put him in financial difficulty. Firstly, that's not yours or your dc's problem, and secondly, the bar is set ridiculously low by CMS, so unless he is living way beyond his means it won't put him in difficulty. It's 20% isn't it? What a joke.

If it makes you feel better, put his contribution to one side in a separate account and save it for an emergency or uni fees or first house deposit or similar.