To give up as it’s not worth the stress or wasting my time worrying

[DrYou]

I was the scapegoat growing up. DM narcissistic and abusive (emotionally and physically) . One sibling was golden child the other just the audience I think ? DF wasn’t around.

Ive tried and tried through the years and they all just ignore me . If there’s contact it’s initiated by me, I decided 3 months ago just to stop , and nothing. Nobody has spoken to me at all. That’s it now isn’t it ? The 3 of them are always together (I have them on fb and there’s loads of pictures of days out , round each others houses etc etc)

AIBU to just draw a line now? I’ve stressed over it so much but I’m at a point of acceptance now I think ?

Give up on them, as a gift to yourself. It is hard, and it hurts, but blocking/removing them from social media will free you from having to feel bad and see how you're being excluded. Seeing all that will set you back on your healing journey.

But nothing will bring eventual healing as much as removing them from your real life too. It is so hard to want more from people, or love them more, than they are able to give back to you. You are worth more. Therapy is good, and so is living your life for you and on your own terms. I am a firm believer that being related does NOT mean that you have to be in each others lives, even more so if damage is being done to you.

I wish you well, there are people here who care, even if we are strangers!

Good for you. Yanbu to stop now, sounds like you should have done it a hell of a long time ago. People like that are toxic and nobody needs that in their life. Enjoy your life and don't pay attention to anything they're doing. Hope you find your happiness from it

I just had this realisation that I was doing all the running and I suddenly thought why am I chasing them ? People had said to me ‘you only get one family!’ Etc etc but they really don’t care about me !

You might get 1 bio family but you can make your own with friends, partner, children etc. Let your close friends be family and focus on that. You sound lovely so hope you find your peace

Thankyou

I've had the same feeling. Like I'm investing more of myself than I can afford to, when the results just make me feel like shit, or like they don't know me whatsoever, or care about what's going on in my life too.

It's such a waste of time! Some people have you pinned as "who" they think you are (eg the scapegoat!) And they don't even want to know/care about who you really are.

For me, this means investing my love and time into my own children and my handful of actual good friends. And myself 😁

You chase and you put up with it because you want the family that you see others have. Yours are not that though and they never will be. That’s the realisation that will free you op. It’s tough and I’m sorry but you’ll be better without them.

You’re exactly right I think I kept believing and hoping things would change but I’ve had my ‘place’ set in the family since I was very young and that’s not going to change. They just aren’t very nice people is what I’ve realised and I was making excuses I think jus because they are related to me and I did absolutely have that ideal in my mind of the sort of relationships I see others have but it’s not possible

They're oxygen thieves, OP, you don't need them in your life at all.