Message to say elderly parent taken to hospital

[FeelingHelplessAbroad]

We’re on holiday in the middle of nowhere

had a message through to say elderly parent had a fall last night, paramedics were called, Paramedics then called an ambulance because they thought EP was unwell rather than had broken anything

all I can find out from hospital switchboard is that EP is still waiting to be admitted 12 hrs later, in A&E. A&E aren’t answering, unsurprisingly.

it will be 2 days at least before one of us can reach home. There is no one else. I think we’ll have to bite the bullet and make the arrangements simply because we can’t get any info

does anyone know if there is another route to info? PALS maybe?

and is EP likely to be sitting up in A&E if brought in by ambulance, or will they be in a cubicle or on a trolley at least?

I'm sorry OP, but as an only child I'd have been making my arrangements to return last night. Where are you and why does it take two days to return?

If my mother were in this situation, and we don't have the best relationship, there would be no question about me getting home via the fastest possible route.

I expect the French flag means you are in France. Get the first available flight. That may involve a fast train to Marseille, Barcelona, Paris, Toulon, etc to get a connection. Presumably your DH is capable of driving home on his own.

Do this if they have a chaplaincy. I've volunteered in hospital chaplaincy before and we would absolutely have found out what is going on for you and sorted out a volunteer to visit your dad each day until you got back to keep him company and check on the situation. You don't have to be religious, it's a pastoral service as well as spiritual.

I don't know why that autocorrected. Toulouse, not Toulon. You won't get much from.Toulon.

If you pm me.yiur location, I can probably work.out a quick route for you.

I second this, and I have a lot of experience with elderly parents being taken into A&E. If they're not sure what caused the fall there's a good chance he'll be admitted to a short stay ward while they do more tests, scans etc. In my experience this takes at least 2-3 days. That's after spending approximately 12-24 hours in A&E. They won't be able to send him home until there's either someone available to collect him or they've arranged Patient Transport, which again takes at least a day. Is there anyone else who has a key to the house who can collect anything he might need and take it into hospital once you've found out where he is? When are you supposed to be coming back from your holiday?

Sorry just realised you never stated the sex of your parent, not sure why I assumed he was male!

Some of us need a life and it not be assumed we are on duty for parents 27/7/365!!! I’ve just been to the Antarctic. Elderly parent is 99. My DH is 70. Are we not allowed to live our lives? We’ve had elderly relatives for 25 years! It’s bad luck when a parent falls. Often they don’t plan for old age either., eg unsuitable housing, no friends, won’t accept help etc. Retiring from work should not mean transition to a fu time caring job and not living your life. The parent will be fine until the op returns. After that, get planning!

Who sent the message? You should be able to speak to the nurse looking after them if you are willing to be patient. Ask to be put through and leave your number to return the call.

We’re all different, aren’t we? When mine were in their late 90s we put our travel plans on hold for a bit. You have absolutely no idea whether the parent will be fine or not, probably best to err on the side of assuming not, given that current state of A&E departments.

How many years though? Will my DH be fit enough to put his life on hold for years ? We have had 3 elderly unmarried aunts (2 well over 90 and now deceased) and 2 elderly mums. Dads died at 78 and 80. So we think we cannot put our lives on hold. It’s unfortunate but I’m a strong advocate of planning for extreme old age snd not expecting one set of relatives to stay around helping for years and years. It should be an open and frank discussion about managing in the future. I’ve failed miserably with that as all of our relatives stayed firmly put and did not live anywhere sensible at all. DM is better as she has a bungalow but we cannot live like hermits.

We'd have gone nowhere since 2014 with no prospect of going anywhere for a few more years.

Realistically @TizerorFizz at 99 how long can it be?

I knew if anything happened to mine it was likely to be the end of them - they were 99 and 97 when they died. As it happened my dad was admitted to hospital with a broken hip and my being there and advocating for him was the only thing that stood between him and intolerably poor treatment. And it was the nursing staff who told me that. As it was he died within the month. I wasn’t their carer, they were both in a care home, but I was their daughter and it was my job to protect and advocate for them.

You're ignoring the 20 odd years they are elderly before they get to 99. If you want to put your life in hold for 20 years then that is your choice. I would be disappointed if someone wasted that much of their life just in case I ended up in hospital.

I agree with @TizerorFizz to an extent. We continue to travel. Our mothers are 87. However, our adult children may be on hand and we would arrange to get back ASAP and separately if necessary. We are often in SW France. DH could drive me to get a flight from Barcelona in 2.5-3 hours or I could get the fast train to Barcelona or Paris, depending on connections, hire a car at LHR or LGW and get myself to the South Coast, probably within 24 hours. And vice versa.

IME the airlines are usually very accommodating in an emergency.

I’m not ignorant that at all because it’s not an issue for most people. Mine were fine until they hit their late 90s. They were having far more holidays than us up until then. But when they’re really old and very frail for me it’s sensible to plan for the worst.

Ignoring not ignorant! Bloody autocorrect.

Agree with a lot of @TizerorFizz points. You can't put your own life on hold indefinitely. Just because you choose to have children doesn't mean they automatically have to be your carers 24/7 when you're older. My parents also constantly refused to plan for old age despite us constantly voicing our many concerns and now they're regretting a lot of decisions because it's made their lives ten times harder. We do what we can to help but also have our own lives and kids and quite honestly, our kids have to come first.

This? Even if a work acquaintance called me and asked me to pop to the hospital and find out what's happening I would do it.

Honestly? They're now somewhere safe, best place for them. Why rush home.

Well, my MIL lived to 107. So that would have been best part of another ten years according to your reckoning.

Realistically, there's nothing you can do. They won't magic a bed or even a trolley just because a relative is there.The only useful thing you can do is act as interpreter if the EP is hard of hearing or cognitively impaired.

There is. You turn into the tiger adult child. You make a fuss, you make a nuisance of yourself until someone senior is summoned. Basically you stand up for your frail elderly parent who’s unable to stand up for themself.

In the hospital my ER (elderly relative) regularly goes into, Patient Transport does not take a day to arrange, it takes 1 hour to all afternoon. Unless the discharge decision is taken or communicated after 4pm, then it's the next morning. So don't rely on a slow discharge. Some hospitals discharge some people in the night. (My ER's medical conditions and home care status are known so they don't do that with them.) It's useful to be around for discharge for a number of reasons.

Keep ringing. My mum is taken into hospital fairly regularly (and almost always returned back within 24-48 hours). We've had so many false alarms, it's not funny.
But I've always managed to eventually find someone who can answer my questions. Try the switchboard, try A&E again, try PALS, try the chapliaincy. Look at the hospital website and try every number that could potentially be any use.

My mum almost always ends up in the assessment unit (which might well have a different name, and is kind of a half way stage between A&E and a ward. At our hospital it has a ward number, so not something that's obvious.

Are you prepared to tell us which hospital it is? One of us might be able to help you, even if it's just to find general information or numbers for you.