To care what others think of my SN child

[Icecreamsundaee]

Hi,

I moved away from the UK in 2020 when ds1 was 3 and ds2 was 1. We've not visited the UK since leaving as I'd always have close family (mum, sisters) visit me and would often come on vacation.

The problem im facing now is I'm forced to return to renew my visa but it wont be a quick stay. Maybe 4 - 6 week stay without DH who doesn't need a renewal and also has to work.

When we left the UK ds1 was speech delayed and i was struggling to get appointments to see peads and ST as it was when the pandemic hit. Since then hes not go onto get a diagnosis because there is no funding where we live. But we have gone on to get him a evaluation and he has an iep aswell as going to a special school where he gets ST, ABA and OT.

DS1 is now 6 and I may be bias but is very smart. He has significant language disorder and after his evaluation they said it is SLI as its very hard for him to string sentences and cannot hold a conversation. He can only answer to "whats your name?" "How old are you?" and many yes ir no questions. He also some sensory seeking behaviors where he will just make random noises and sing without a care in the world.

Im a teacher so I know that having SN does not mean the child is not intelligent, but I hear how others speak about children like my ds regularly at work.
Also my family is not very open minded and will be quick to label my son, and i worry how they will treat him. Stares, not including him, and treating him like hes stupid.

They thought he'd grow out of all his problems but hes now 6 and although hes improved (it's been a hell of a journey) he still requires support and more time. Hes everything to me im extremely protective but once i go to my family home i have no control of how others will treat him or who will be around us.

Im very stressed about this? Please go easy on me im not in the best frame of mind. AIBU? Any advise?

What's your actual question?

@Phineyj sorry i tried so hard to give background that i got too carried away. My question is how do i deal with these people, and thier remarks.

Ignore them

Just be ready to be a tiger mama. My kids don't have SN but I'm prepared to eat anyone who even looks at the funny 🐅. If you don't have his back who will?

Try not to stress too much about what other people might say, or how they act. He's your son and you love him. That's all that's important.

Oh I see! I think it's very important when your child has SEN to "find your people" and it sounds like that won't be your family. Search "local offer" + "local authority name" and you'll find organisations and support groups in that area and find some nice people that way.

There are various ways to deal with rude people, but not seeing too much of them's probably best...

Thanks all of you made great points @GirloutofAfrica i will most definitely be a mama bear to him. I am usually not needing to tap into that energy for 3 years as life abroad has been nice. I only get funny stares at the airport when traveling with him but i do try not to let it ruin my experience and ignore it. Ive never got any rude comments because then id really kick off.

I just find it more hurtful when it comes from family, and by this i mean extended family. My mum and my sisters practically raised Ds1 and ds 2 with me as they have always come to stay woth us for 3-6 months at a time as they work remotely. I have their full love amd support.

Its more others, even my own dad he always calls me and asks if ds1 has started speaking yet. He doesn't mean to be horrible, its just that when you have a child with SEN as a parent you're always wondering what the future will hold. Im always thinking is ds1 happy? When will he be able to speak? When will i worry less? When will he do x? Will he ever?

And i realise for me because i have anxiety and depression my thoughts are more extreme thben others. And sometimes if my thoughts are negative, somebody elses rude comment may subconsciously trigger down a spiral ibe tried so hard to rise above from.

What does your Dad say if you are as blunt back to him? E.g. "Dad, that's not a helpful question. Stop asking that."

I have got a Dad who can be rude and grumpy and that's how my DSis deals with him. I rather admire her!