Why don't I feel happy about this?

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Looking for advice as I'm in a really rubbish space right now. Currently in tears and all I want is a cuddle off my mum (I know, I'm an adult) but she's not in the country at the moment and I have nobody else irl to talk about. I just feel really sad and need a rant.

I'm pregnant with an unplanned child. I found out a few weeks ago, it was a bit of a shock but I never considered abortion and neither did the father. I didn't instantly feel happy about it, I'm still not over the moon to be honest but I don't think I could go through a termination. I already have one child, my son is only 4. I can't stop these overwhelming feelings of sadness though. Sad that the times that it will be just be him will eventually be over. I feel really guilty that he will no longer be getting my undivided attention. I don't know if it's normal to feel like this or if the feelings will go away.

I'm feeling worried too. I remember how difficult the early days were and now my DS is getting older, it's becoming a bit easier. I felt I was starting to get my life back a bit. And now I feel like I'm throwing all of that away just to start over again.

I want to be excited but it's just not happening. I feel so emotional and the slightest things are making me so teary. I'm really worried that how I'm feeling is just not normal but I don't know what to do

If you've read this far I really appreciate it. I'd love somebody to talk to right now 💔

😢

Hi, I’m happy to chat to you.

I think what you’re experiencing sounds completely normal anxiety for early pregnancy. Lots of people feel like that even when it is planned.

Your child will adjust and probably thrive as a sibling , will love having a playmate and someone new to love.

as they’re school age, presumably you’ll get some time with baby whilst they’re at school too

if you want to keep chatting, I’ll reply x

Sorry you're feeling so sad.
It could just be hormones and your DS will be excited to have a sibling. Is your partner still in the picture?

How you are feeling is absolutely, 100% normal, and you need to be really, really kind to yourself right now. Just allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel.

Op, women who were trying to get pregnant with their second can have massive wobbles once they actual conceive. Please believe me, there is nothing wrong with you and I am very confident you will eventually be just fine. Your son will also be perfectly fine and you'll have a new family member who you'll be totally in love with.

Thanks for responses I really appreciate them. I'm just worried these feelings won't go away. I see other people on social media being so excited about their pregnancies which seems normal and it's making me wonder why I don't feel like that. I know I shouldn't compare at all but it's difficult not to.

Yes I do have a partner. I think he feels the same as me though - apprehensive & still finding it difficult to process

@Aquamarine1029 I always wanted a second child eventually but it's happened a lot sooner than I realised and the way I'm feeling now has taken me by surprise

I think you will be very happy that you've had your second when you did. It's a great age gap.

@RosaSkye thank you so much, so kind. Means a lot right now xx

Two relevant things- I felt depressed and miserable throughout my second pregnancy despite it being a planned and longed for child. My first thought on realising I was late, was 'oh no'. Hormones are shit.

Secondly, DS2 was so much easier than DS1. It may be far easier than you think!

@Aquamarine1029 I hope so. I was actually worried that I might have left it too long. I know my son will be the best big brother, he is the sweetest, most loving little boy ever. I hate these feelings of guilt though 😭

@pickledandpuzzled That's reassuring to hear! What was the age gap between yours?

It’s a cliche, but sometimes the biggest blessings do come along when we’re least expecting them. It’s a curveball, but as pp said 4 years is a lovely gap

Maybe don’t expect yourself to have all the answers right away about how life is going to look, just allow yourself to acknowledge how you’re feeling right now and recognise it’s the fear of the unknown

you’ll probably feel so much more positive down the line- hope your mum’s back soon x

I felt exactly the same when pregnant with my second. She was unplanned too and my DS was 7. It was just me and him at that stage and I was so upset for him and worried that he'd be sad about sharing me. The guilt ate me up for a little while.

It eventually eased, though, and he loved her when she came along. It has been one of the joys of my life watching them form their own relationship independent of me.

You're lucky the gap is a little smaller than mine. Mine are now 18 and 11, so it feels huge!

I also found DD much easier than the first time. I was confident and relaxed and knew what I was doing (and that the hard bits would pass). As your DS is 4, you'll soon have lots of time with just the baby while he's at school so, in a way, it's perfect timing.

I hope things start to feel brighter soon. It is a big shock and a big adjustment, so go easy on yourself about how you feel right now. It's all normal.

4 years. We deliberately left a gap because DS1 was hard. We planned it for when he be a bit easier. He didn't actually get easier, so it was still hard! 🤣.
But... DS2 was a doddle. They are in their 20s now, so it's a while ago!
Both boys are a delight. 4 is a great gap. Big enough that you are doing one baby at a time, but small enough that they can relate and play as children.

And baby 2 is so much easier because you have your routines in place- you've ditched the suitcase size nappy bag and know how to leave the house with a baby. Baby 1 every day was an expedition. Baby 2 got tucked under one arm and off we went!