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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I can’t stand all the junk

42 replies

Sweetashunni · 14/07/2023 19:30

In this fucking house. A 2.5 bed with 2 children, DP, me, dog. It’s not tiny, the rooms are a good size (apart from bedroom 3) but storage space lacking.

A guitar he hasn’t played for years
A computer that is so old it no longer works
bags of kids clothes he accepted from friends but never made any effort to unpack, wash or sort. Half have shit stains on them.
Bits of toolbox lying all over the place where he has tinkered with something but can’t be bothered to put it all away
Bags of old toys - half scribbled colouring books, puzzles with pieces missing, from DC1 as ‘DC2 might want them one day’
a fucking step ladder that lives on the landing because he needs it to get into the loft but can’t fit it in with all the junk up there

I could go on and on. I could scream. I asked again and again ‘I’ll sort it’ he never did.
I lost it, shoved a load of crap in black bin bags and put out the front for him to take it to the tip (it’s out of town, I can’t drive, having lessons)
half of it found it’s way back into the house

today I desperately needed to find something but couldn’t amongst all the junk

This is part rant, part looking for empathy, part looking for opinions/ideas

He was tidy when I met him!!!!

OP posts:

JeandeServiette · 15/07/2023 01:56

Every fucking time I get rid of something either it comes back or more junk funds it’s way into the house.

I tried to sell a load of stuff at a kids market but he went round buying more ‘in case we need it’ while I was at the stall!!!! He buys shit second hand crap constantly which is stained and not even usable

Sorry to say, those sound like huge red flags for proper hoarding.

847arc · 15/07/2023 02:01

Babyroobs · 14/07/2023 20:37

Oh god yes we have a stepladder on the landing too and it drives me mad. He had a shed built to store the stepladder but it still lives on the landing !

Same here, the stepladder migrates between the landing and behind the living room door, as he probably thinks I won’t notice it there.
Also there’s a tool bag that lurks in the kitchen and trips you up. I have fantasies of building a garden office for him to live in and changing the locks reclaiming the house.

LordSalem · 15/07/2023 02:05

Put a half bin full into recycling, then a couple of bags into waste bin. Keep alternating over a few weeks until it's all gone.
I did a huge entire house decluttering about a year ago. I don't drive either. As long as it's small easy to break down stuff then crack on like I mentioned.

ASimpleLampoon · 15/07/2023 02:30

Bag it all up put it outside and call some waste management companies. Get a few quotes and go with the cheapest. Some quote high so make sure you get a good price. They will often quote from photos and turn up the same day. 95 % of the waste will be recycled so no guilt.

don't ask him or discuss. Do it while he's out if need be.

Thebirdhouse · 15/07/2023 02:34

I know its better to rehome some of these items but I'd bin them to be honest.

I cannot stand clutter and it really affects my mental state. I find it overwhelming.

Trust me there is plenty of clutter in this house that I need to tackle.

Its so therapeutic to see clear and clean space.

Start by throwing all the broken or no longer used toys, colouring books, children's clothes, old computer (if you can turn it on, copy any photos that may be on it first) into the bin. Add to that any toys that are just too big and take up too much room unless they are played with regularly e.g. play kitchens and big plastic ones that take up a lot of floor space. Buy storage to pack away the remaining toys and shelves for the books. If the children want more toys e.g. Christmas, then declutter beforehand so they don't start to pile high again.

Do you have a shed? If not buy one. Put the ladder and all tools into the shed..

But OP...you can do this but if your DH is going to continue to bring it all into the house, then you really need to have a serious conversation telling him just how bad it is making you feel.

My MIL sounds like your DH. Her house is just full of 'stuff', she won't donate or bin anything and she keeps buying things because they are 'bargain' prices. Obviously when she has to store the 'bargains' in the garage because she has run out of space for them in the house, they are just a complete waste of money. She is completely oblivious to this and constantly gives me 'tips' on how to save money.

Put your foot down OP. He will have to start respecting that it is not a storage facility - it is YOUR home.

Discretionassured · 15/07/2023 02:57

This is all horribly familiar, I hit tipping point with mine and basically told him it was all going or I would divorce him, and I meant it. I counted 31 black bags out of the worst room alone and there must have been close on a hundred in total. I now have a rule, nothing comes into the house unless he has a) a place to keep it, and b) an immediate use for it, anything left lying around is fair game for me to bin and he knows I'll show no mercy. Might be a bit brutal but it's still working 2 years down the line, I refuse to be driven to depression by someone else's mess ever again.

ArthurPoppy · 15/07/2023 03:12

Any bits and bobs end up in a box. I literally scoop them up, bag it if necessary and then ram it in THE box of doom. It lives under his side of the bed.

anything I can throw goes in the recycling or bin. I’m ruthless, if it reappears I simply scoop it up again and bin it, telling him firmly not to remove. I make use of random bins in the community and occasionally the massive oversized bin at work. I rid one Tesco's bag a day this way.

the Vinted stuff, tell him you’ll be taking them to the charity shop august 1st if he doesn’t manage to list and process clothes before that. You’re not doing it.

Hoarders or couples therapy

however in your shoes I’d send him off to relatives for 5 days with the kids and hire a skip, ripping through the entire house in one go. Get a couple of good friends on board, open up to them and ask for help. Everything remaining must have a home.

SkankingWombat · 15/07/2023 03:36

Does he have a space/room/outbuilding that is his? Ideally one with a door. When I'm tidying or decluttering, I scoop up anything that isn't mine or general household stuff and return it to the owner's space. DCs' stuff gets put just inside their bedroom doors, and anything of DH's gets piled on his desk in his home office. It makes it inconvenient for them only then, and if so inclined I am able to shut the door and pretend it isn't there... Before DH had an office, I would put it all on the floor on his side of the bed blocking his path.

loislovesstewie · 15/07/2023 10:55

BTW, hoarding is defined as OCD, it is an actual mental health issue. So you will have a real issue with him if he is getting into hoarding territory, but please carry on and mean it.Sending solidarity.

Mumtobe2023 · 16/07/2023 09:54

Sweetashunni · 14/07/2023 20:40

If we are you can keep him 🤣

Show quote history

🤣🤣

bellac11 · 16/07/2023 09:57

I have a similar OH, its draining and stressful

Luckily I do drive so I take control and get rid of stuff, both openly but also on the sly

If I didnt drive, I would bag it all up and book a cab. I wouldnt let that stop me

Ginmonkeyagain · 16/07/2023 09:59

Just chuck it all out.

Mr Monkey has slight hoarding tendancies so I am absolutely ruthless.

Ginmonkeyagain · 16/07/2023 10:03

I do worry he will go full hoarder sometimes. Occasionally he does mad stuff - like today I took an unused but elderly paper napkin and a sweet out of a pair of jeans before washing them.

I went back to bedroom to pick them up and they were gone. Later I found them in his pant drawer. When questioned his excuse was - "they might be useful so I was saving them" Well possibly, but why the fuck did you think your pant drawer was the best place ? 🙄

LivingDeadGirlUK · 16/07/2023 10:16

At least you know where your step ladder is, I've been looking for ours for 2 weeks now!

coodawoodashooda · 16/07/2023 10:46

Getting rid of the crap was one of the best things about getting divorced. I can't believe how lighthearted everyone on here is being. It would be a deal breaker for me op.

Covidwoes · 16/07/2023 19:45

Oh god this would drive me mad OP. I have a friend whose business is to declutter people's houses. I know it sounds crazy, and some say "just do it yourself!" but she's doing really well, as people just don't have the time or are too overwhelmed to know where to start. Would it be worth seeing if there is someone similar in your area?

Leeds2 · 16/07/2023 19:55

If the stuff you want to get rid of is suitable to give to a charity shop, my local British Heart Foundation shop will collect from your house. Bin bags, boxes etc including clothes which aren't suitable for sale to the general public which they can sell to the rag man instead. Might be worth checking if yours do similar, then arranging a pick up whilst he is at work and which he doesn't know about.

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