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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

As a manager, how would you take this?

65 replies

misspiggywiggy · 14/07/2023 17:18

I started a new job 6 weeks ago. I work in a clinical role. I absolutely love it, really enjoying it and it’s definitely ideal for me.

However, my boyfriend has recently received a 6 month season to go and play his sport in Australia, from September. They’ve offered a partner go with him and I have ALWAYS wanted to travel and visit there. I absolutely cannot say no and I am so excited. He hasn’t fully accepted yet; but he will soon.

But, I’m so nervous to tell my bosses (I can’t until it’s accepted). I only started 6 weeks ago, and they’re really good at developing my role. They are offering trainings, meetings etc and timetabling things in past September and I feel so so guilty every time this is happening, because I know I won’t be there.
I can’t even book sessions in with clients as I know I won’t be there.

It’s so frustrating as I love the job and it’s so ideal. I can’t imagine passing up an opportunity like this though, it will never come up again.

I’d love to return there when I come home in march and stay there for as long as possible, but I can’t expect that of them. I can only imagine they’re going to be fuming as it’s a very strained industry I work in as it is.

Im so nervous, how do I approach this?

OP posts:
WeetabixTowels · 15/07/2023 13:12

Wow that’s so exciting OP!

My philosophy with Difficult Conversations is give them a shit sandwich. Start with something good, break the bad news in the middle and end with something else good.

”I’ve really enjoyed working here and I’m so grateful for the opportunity - it’s exceeded all my expectations. However, and I hate doing this, but I literally have the opportunity of a lifetime at my feet. It’s been a really difficult decision blah blah, explain the Australian thing. I’m sorry to leave you in the lurch, but I’m sure you’ll find someone very competent who can take my place, best of luck blah blah”

Baisksomwms · 15/07/2023 13:15

Surely if the industry is 'strained' they'll do anything to keep you?

Thewindsofchange · 15/07/2023 13:34

As I manager I would prefer openness and honesty to work through it together.
My preference would be to know now what you've just found out and that you are struggling to decide so that we could work through options with HR etc. rather than being presented with a 'I'm going- can I have a career break or do I need to resign'. That would piss me off more.
If you were a good candidate and getting on well in the job I would do what I could to let you go and come back, partly as I'd want the same for me (if I were ever in that position - which I won't be :( )

FlippityFlippityFlop · 15/07/2023 14:03

Personally I'd go! Lifes too short - live it!

maddiemookins16mum · 15/07/2023 14:10

TenOhSeven · 14/07/2023 18:40

As a manager I'd be a bit annoyed but these things happen.

As an employee, I wouldn't quit my job for the sake of a 6 month trip to Australia - and I love Australia! What I might do is see if I could wangle a couple of periods of annual leave/unpaid leave of 3-4 weeks to go on holiday there to visit him.

Me too.
I’d not give up a dream job for this.

sunglassesonthetable · 15/07/2023 14:13

You'll get another job .

sunglassesonthetable · 15/07/2023 14:15

It's time you can't reverse.

Baisksomwms · 15/07/2023 14:15

Also as a manager OP I wouldn't think badly of you. It's not your fault, and while it's annoying there's nothing else you could have done.

Keeping your job open depends on the organisational policy though. I'd be happy to authorise a career break (desire policy) if it cost me nothing. But often that means having no budget for a temp. So they'd have to let you go and hire someone else instead. Whether you can be re-hired depends on the existence of a role.

Baisksomwms · 15/07/2023 14:16

Despite not desire policy!

marshmallowfinder · 15/07/2023 14:18

I would not give up a lovely job for this. Great jobs at lovely companies are really not that easy to come by.

LeggyLinda · 15/07/2023 14:26

Another vote here for being open and honest as soon as possible. Even if it isn’t finalised yet I think it is better all round to give ample warning.

Managing teams and filling roles can be a long drawn out process so the earlier they know this is a possibility the better. Even if it is just an informal chat at least it gives them the heads-up if you know what I mean.

I don’t know anything about your industry, but you never know they may decide it is easier, cheaper and more effective to come up with a plan that involves holiday, unpaid career break or remote training/working.

But, if I was you, I definitely would be going and having the experience. Hope you enjoy

Incognito2023 · 15/07/2023 14:26

Thewindsofchange · 15/07/2023 13:34

As I manager I would prefer openness and honesty to work through it together.
My preference would be to know now what you've just found out and that you are struggling to decide so that we could work through options with HR etc. rather than being presented with a 'I'm going- can I have a career break or do I need to resign'. That would piss me off more.
If you were a good candidate and getting on well in the job I would do what I could to let you go and come back, partly as I'd want the same for me (if I were ever in that position - which I won't be :( )

I agree with this.
There is a chance you could take unpaid leave/sabbatical… if you are open about your situation they may try and help.

Do you definitely want to go for whole 6 month? Or would you consider, say, 2 x extended hols… perhaps month each? Any kind of compromise to be able to keep this job?

TeenLifeMum · 15/07/2023 14:33

Can you request a 6 month sabbatical? 6 months is no time in healthcare. They may say no but it’s worth asking.

PrincessIntrovert · 15/07/2023 14:47

marshmallowfinder · 15/07/2023 14:18

I would not give up a lovely job for this. Great jobs at lovely companies are really not that easy to come by.

This. I wouldn't be quitting a good job with good people to follow a boyfriend half way across the planet.

Keep the job and book annual leave to visit him. You could always ask for a sabbatical to travel there in a couple of years when you're more secure in the company.

Hollyhead · 15/07/2023 14:50

If I was managing you I’d be happy to let you go on unpaid leave and hope you’d come back. It takes me 16 weeks to recruit people, sometimes more.

Anyport · 15/07/2023 14:59

You have been there 6 weeks and you are expecting them to spend more time and money on another recruitment to find somebody to cover your absence. Please don't be surprised if they take a hard stand on this.

Backstreets · 15/07/2023 15:02

As a manager I’d deny 6 months leave, accept your resignation and hope the 2nd choice hadn’t found anything else yet.

RedHelenB · 15/07/2023 15:09

Backstreets · 15/07/2023 15:02

As a manager I’d deny 6 months leave, accept your resignation and hope the 2nd choice hadn’t found anything else yet.

Moat likely outcome but worth it to go to Australia for 6 months. There's always jobs .

TrueScrumptious · 15/07/2023 15:14

What’s your plan in Australia? I’m not sure I’d give up a dream job for following a partner around with nothing to do while out there.

sunglassesonthetable · 15/07/2023 15:18

Go. Travel. You'll have years and years of jobs.

Anniejameslastcallanniejames · 15/07/2023 15:22

All you can be is honest with them! But deffo go and grab the chance! They might even come to a compromise, maybe not 6 months but 3/4. Just be totally honest with them and see what they say! Have a blast!

FloofCloud · 15/07/2023 15:31

Would you leave or apply to take some unpaid leave (they may say no)
If you leave, the clinicians I know have long memories and often bypass people who have messed them around in the past. I thought it was just a few is worked closely with, but ive seen it quite a lot.

CC4712 · 15/07/2023 15:41

How long have you been with your boyfriend and what does he think of you going along? Do you currently live together? Would you be able to work in Aus?

If you are a registered professional (Dr, Nurse, OT etc) don't underestimate how long it can take to get documents together, reviewed to actually get Australian registration to work.

I would give you new job as much notice as possible if you are leaving and unpaid leave or a sabbatical isn't an option. Where in Aus?

10HailMarys · 15/07/2023 15:44

As a manager, I wouldn’t be annoyed to be asked. I’d totally understand why you wanted to grab the opportunity. If you were a really good employee that I had a lot of faith in, and there was a way to make it work without too much of a negative impact on the rest of the team, from a purely personal point of view I’d probably consider saying yes to an unpaid break.

However, it wouldn’t just be my decision. I’m pretty sure all our policies and conditions say that you’d need to have worked with us for a certain amount of time before you could request a sabbatical like that - so it would never get past HR.

As I say, though - I wouldn’t mind being asked, and I would also understand if you decided to hand in your notice.

ZenNudist · 15/07/2023 16:45

Paq · 14/07/2023 18:43

I would be annoyed at the situation because it would disrupt my team and give me extra work to do.

I would expect you to resign though.

This. It's expensive and time consuming recruiting and then you get the person and its going to take some time to get then up to speed. You've just been a big waste of time for them. Id be trying to get my recruitment fee back.

As you say, you're going to do it anyway.

I'd pretty much think you were a timewaster and quite immature.