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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you shouldn’t touch a stranger’s baby?

29 replies

airusega · 14/07/2023 13:44

Every time I go out with ds 6 months people approach him and touch him. Don’t get me wrong I know it’s not just him and he’s not some super attractive or charming baby. But it really makes me angry! I’ve had old men with filthy fingernails all over him, old ladies coughing over him, people adjusting his hat, etc etc. I’m not a clean freak and I know ds will mix with all sorts at nursery but AIBU to think grown adults, strangers, should keep their hands away?! I honestly would never even consider touching someone’s child like that.

OP posts:
BlueberryElderberry · 14/07/2023 13:48

This used to happen to me all of the time with my eldest, I hated it too. Adjustments of their hat, blanket, feeling their fingers to check if they are cold etc. I used to avoid sitting down in town when I was shopping because I could guarantee if I sat down someone would sit next to me and start touching my baby. I would never do that to someone else. Some people seem to have no social boundaries.

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 13:49

I suppose.

I've always like the interaction between my babies and older people. But then, none of them ever did anything unhygienic to them. Just occasionally someone touched their cheek or lifted the parasol or something. Mostly they just peered in and said hello.

Original poster
airusega · 14/07/2023 13:49

@BlueberryElderberry its horrible isn’t it?! By all means speak, look, but actually touching your child… it would just never occur to me.

OP posts:
LemonsOnTheMelons · 14/07/2023 13:49

I don’t see the issue tbh. You’re being precious. Germs are good for kids anyway.

Imanalias · 14/07/2023 13:52

LemonsOnTheMelons · 14/07/2023 13:49

I don’t see the issue tbh. You’re being precious. Germs are good for kids anyway.

Would you do it to an adult? Start touching a random stranger, adjust their clothing, get right in their face?
Fine to smile at babies, wave, coo over them, etc
but people should keep their hands to themselves.

scrantonelectriccity · 14/07/2023 13:54

I hate it. Happened 3 times in 1 day when DD was 6 days old the other week

DemonicCaveMaggot · 14/07/2023 13:54

Babies get enough germs from crawling around on the floor, they don't need to get them from somebody shoving their fingers in their mouths just after they have picked their nose/used the toilet/taken out the bins.

I would ask before touching a baby or a pet. The baby might be scared to have some stranger shove their head in its face and start pawing at it. From their point of view that could be really disconcerting. At least pets bite and scratch, although so do some babies.

CovertImage · 14/07/2023 13:57

I think you should read the other 10,000 threads on this exact subject

GoodChat · 14/07/2023 14:04

In contrast, an older lady in the supermarket was talking to my toddler and pre-schooler yesterday and asked them if they were allowed to tell her their names, then looked to me for the ok, which was actually really lovely

WhatNoRaisins · 14/07/2023 14:05

It's a bit rude. Don't think it would do the baby any harm but it's inappropriate.

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 14:13

somebody shoving their fingers in their mouths

I find it really hard to picture an adult doing that TBH.

DinnaeFashYersel · 14/07/2023 14:17

Your baby is 6 months old now and will be picking up and eating all sorts found on the ground now. Kindly older people will have prepared baby's immune system ready to eat mud and bugs.

pickledandpuzzled · 14/07/2023 14:23

It's a bit odd- interacting with babies used to be normal. You hold a finger out, baby grabs it. You tickle their little feet.

I don't see babies out and about so I'm not some random menacing baby grabber, but I'm really surprised at the culture shift.

All the people interacting with your child are teaching him that the world is good, full of interesting caring people, and that life is good. It's developmentally important that they believe they are the centre of the world and that the world is good. Let them learn different when they are older!!

I've had a couple of odd baby touching experiences when mine were small but I'm talking much more than your examples. I had a lady stroke the babies cheek while I was breastfeeding him. And when he was 18months we were in a restaurant and the waitress picked him up and walked off with him. Took him in the kitchen to meet the staff.
These were both in Asia, so culturally different. I was a bit taken aback.

Kittykat9070 · 14/07/2023 14:28

@CovertImage maybe she’s not on mums net as much as you, to cover every single post and how much it’s been posted ect before posting her own thread.

blahblahblah1654 · 14/07/2023 18:05

Yes it's rude. I'd never dream of doing that to someone else's baby. It tends to be people who lack boundaries and social skills. No one ever did that to my son when he was a baby though.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 14/07/2023 19:55

JeanDeServiette I find it hard to imagine too but it has turned up quite a lot on these types of threads. I guess the person involved wants to find out how many teeth the baby has.

Conkersinautumn · 14/07/2023 19:58

Absolutely bat shit to go touching babies in public, but no doubt the MNers without any sense of boundaries or safety will be along to tell you its good for their socialising or some such bs

Ostryga · 14/07/2023 20:00

GoodChat · 14/07/2023 14:04

In contrast, an older lady in the supermarket was talking to my toddler and pre-schooler yesterday and asked them if they were allowed to tell her their names, then looked to me for the ok, which was actually really lovely

This is so so lovely!

Summer2424 · 14/07/2023 20:00

Hi @airusega i totally agree! Really annoys me too!

LawnmowerBlues · 14/07/2023 20:05

Sad world to live in. Nothing lovelier than the friendliness babies bring out in people, who want to welcome them to the world. Aren't our children isolated enough, the unhappiest in Europe? Cannot imagine this attitude in any other country, other than maybe America where they are even unhappier.

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 20:11

DemonicCaveMaggot · 14/07/2023 19:55

JeanDeServiette I find it hard to imagine too but it has turned up quite a lot on these types of threads. I guess the person involved wants to find out how many teeth the baby has.

Maybe it's one determined retired dentist roving the country on a quest?

Duttercup · 14/07/2023 20:15

I never minded a bit of a cheek stroke or a hand or foot shake, especially an old lady. I always hoped it brightened their day a little bit to get a baby smile.

Duttercup · 14/07/2023 20:17

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 20:11

Maybe it's one determined retired dentist roving the country on a quest?

Show quote history

You can leave dentistry, but dentistry will never truly leave you.

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 20:18

@Duttercup Grin

phoenixrosehere · 14/07/2023 20:18

LawnmowerBlues · 14/07/2023 20:05

Sad world to live in. Nothing lovelier than the friendliness babies bring out in people, who want to welcome them to the world. Aren't our children isolated enough, the unhappiest in Europe? Cannot imagine this attitude in any other country, other than maybe America where they are even unhappier.

And you imagine wrong when it comes to the States. People will come up and will talk to you and baby, many ask first and/or keep to a certain feet away as they do because they recognise they are a stranger.