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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Headteachers should drive to the homes of absent pupils and get them into school

346 replies

Amuseaboosh · 14/07/2023 07:54

Headteachers "have a duty" to drive to the homes of absent pupils and bring them into school, the education secretary has said.

Gillian Keegan said levels of absence in schools were now "a crisis," with recent figures revealing that 125,000 pupils spent more time out of class than in.

I know how very lucky I am to have never had to cope with any of my children not wanting to go to school.
However, I'm not so ignorant that I believe that all the parents dealing with this issue haven't tried absolutely everything to get their child into school. Where is ANY member of teaching staff supposed to find the time to attend to 125,000 pupils in person to get them to come to school?

AIBU in thinking Gillian is out of touch and ignorant? Or can someone see wisdom here that I cannot?

OP posts:
billycat321 · 14/07/2023 11:03

125,000?
That's helluva big school!

KateF · 14/07/2023 11:04

This makes me so angry. 'certain kind of household' is lazy stereotyping from people who have no idea about the issues involved. My children are all ND, but since they are female and all present differently ( clue- not all ND people are the same!) they were diagnosed late.
Schools were absolutely useless. Offered no support and bullied them and me relentlessly with meetings, fines, threats of imprisonment. It wrecked my career and my mental health fighting for my girls needs to be met. As soon as they turned sixteen they were dropped like a hot brick.

They are now young adults with various qualifications obtained via home or college. They are all employed full-time and are progressing well in their chosen fields. They are amazing considering what they went through.

Gillian Keegan would do better to keep her mouth shut and do some actual research before making stupid, ill-informed judgements.

Ohhhhhhhhh · 14/07/2023 11:06

Howls · 14/07/2023 11:02

Undiagnosed SN is unbelievably common in people seen as chaotic, or “lazy parents on benefits”.
People who are seen as benefit scum are often just desperate to keep the status quo and terrified of losing the stability that benefits bring. If you’re not terribly well educated it can be difficult to seek and sustain work.

Theres a structural issue that needs addressing, but it means more support is needed all round, better education on how to budget, cook, manage household admin etc. Many children would hugely benefit from learning these things, and that could make more of a difference to people’s lives than, say, being pressured to reach prescribed levels of academic standards that many pupils cannot achieve.

Show quote history

They're not necessarily lazy or on benefits. DPs parents for example both worked and worked hard. Neither had any qualifications, didn't see the point in them and weren't that fussed about how well their kids did in school or even if they went. It's a cultural attitude that I see regularly. It's just not that important to a lot of people.

LlynTegid · 14/07/2023 11:06

Who was the last Education Secretary who had a clue about how it is at a school? Maybe Shirley Williams in the 70s?

wossgoinon · 14/07/2023 11:07

Back in the 80s was dragged to school by the truant officer and teacher to school. I was bullied mercilessly by nearly everyone. One girl even knocked on my door just to slap my face. I was scared to leave the house. I tried suicide 3 times before I was 16. I still get anxious going into schools and I’m 50

LlynTegid · 14/07/2023 11:08

There would be less issues with attendance I am sure had schools resumed some in-person teaching in June and July 2020, which would have happened if Covid restrictions had started earlier in March 2020. Three months at home would have had much less impact that six.

Ohhhhhhhhh · 14/07/2023 11:08

Ohhhhhhhhh · 14/07/2023 11:06

They're not necessarily lazy or on benefits. DPs parents for example both worked and worked hard. Neither had any qualifications, didn't see the point in them and weren't that fussed about how well their kids did in school or even if they went. It's a cultural attitude that I see regularly. It's just not that important to a lot of people.

Show quote history

Sorry not entirely accurate, they didn't have any academic qualifications. They both had vocational ones gained after they left school.

Lindy2 · 14/07/2023 11:09

After years of excellent school attendance and school effort, this year my DD15 has been unable to attend school very much.

In fact she now hardly leaves the house and is an absolute shadow of her former self.

She has ADHD and ASD and after a series of school and friendship difficulties her mental health just absolutely crashed. I believe it to be autistic burnout and it's very scary.

As her parent it's been absolutely heartbreaking to see. I honestly couldn't have come close to understanding how desperately difficult and sad emotionally based school avoidance is.

Before this I'd have fallen into the category of saying "well my children simply don't have the choice not to attend school." Which is how it is for most families until one day it suddenly isn't....

The stress it causes to the entire family is undescribeable. You're stuck between trying to get them an education, and that's what most of the support is understably geared towards, but while literally trying to do what you can to keep everyone from irreversible levels of damage from the stress.

The headteacher could arrive on our doorstep. She's very nice but it still wouldn't help get my DD to school.

In some circumstances it could work but for many it would be like asking the head teacher to make an anorexic child eat a donut. It's often very complicated.

Hotsummer88 · 14/07/2023 11:10

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn by MNHQ as it was posted in the wrong place.

OrangesAndLemming · 14/07/2023 11:11

Catspyjamas17 · 14/07/2023 10:42

Also I think the research about poor attendance leading to poor outcomes is misleading.

When kids struggle to attend secondary school they often thrive at college or find some other learning environment, home education, or work training where they do well post 16, when they have supportive parents, or otherwise go on to do pretty well in life. It just takes kids, particularly with autism and/or ADHD a bit more time to find their way and mainstream education pre-16 is too rigid to meet their learning needs.

Even many neurotypical children do well in spite of state secondary school not because of it.

This is me. I was a ‘school refuser’ from age 6-18 (and struggled to attend lectures at uni). I’d miss weeks and sometimes months at a time. Did battle with my parents about going in (they weren’t very supportive to be fair) Was told repeatedly by staff at high school that I’d amount to nothing. Had teachers visit me at home, told I was just belligerent, difficult etc (in reality I had 0 mh support, was massively traumatised and am AuDHD undiagnosed at the time). Anyway, in spite of all that I excelled academically and have a good degree and job and family of my own (but it’s been a bloody hard time to get here). The school system is utterly flawed, believing attendance equates to success and mental health woefully underfunded.

This thread has really hit a nerve, I can only imagine how things could have been different had someone acknowledged my needs and mental health. I’m glad many parents of these kids now are fighting for what their kids need in terms of support but I’m deeply saddened for 6 year old me who was dragged through primary school from the car by her headteacher (no I’m not exaggerating).

Migrainehaterforlife · 14/07/2023 11:11

This would never work, when I was at school my best friend suddenly started to point blank refuse to go. Her mum worked her bum off and was as close as you could get to the perfect mum, still she can't force a 15 year old to get up, get dressed and get herself in and when she was successful it would come at a cost or she would just walk out during the day and then thats a whole new drama. Eventually she got a boyfriend who was actually quite conscientious about his studies and she started to turn up to school to see him. I really don't see what anyone else could've done before she made this choice to get her in and keep her in let alone head teachers trying to take on multiple students doing the same.

Catspyjamas17 · 14/07/2023 11:12

lifeturnsonadime · 14/07/2023 10:11

But I read it as directed at chaotic families who struggle to be organised enough to get their kids to school every day for whatever reason, not school refusers.

The problem is that the school can't really tell which applies.

Or they know very well which applies but treat everyone the same.

LuvSmallDogs · 14/07/2023 11:23

Jujubes5 · 14/07/2023 08:45

Turn off the internet. I'ts not much fun at home with no gaming etc.

When I was refusing school, we had dial up that was rationed to us max. 1 hour a day and mum was a SAHM so was home to enforce this. I didn't have any mates to run off and light aerosols with either, or whatever you're imagining. We lived by the coast, so often I'd go and read a book on a bench overlooking a nice view.

I just couldn't take the bullying. I was the punching bag for my year. I got beaten up, spat on, a chunk cut out of my hair, all sorts.

On one memorable occasion, I was in an empty classroom reading (not meant to be, but patrolling teachers turned a blind eye as I was just reading and had no friends) and two boys blocked the door while the third talked dirty and fondled me. My shout drew a teacher, who took me to the deputy head, who refused to call my parents to pick me up, told me off for being in the classroom, and sent me to my next lesson that I shared with my molestor.

And you think turning off the Internet would make me go there?! 😆

Suzisu8 · 14/07/2023 11:25

I’m in my 60’s . When I was 15 I lost my brother under tragic circumstances. The very next day the head teacher and another teacher arrived at our house. I was still in bed .
I was taken in to take a f/ t exam. On hindsight , my poor mother should have sent them packing .

MackenCheese · 14/07/2023 11:29

KateF · 14/07/2023 11:04

This makes me so angry. 'certain kind of household' is lazy stereotyping from people who have no idea about the issues involved. My children are all ND, but since they are female and all present differently ( clue- not all ND people are the same!) they were diagnosed late.
Schools were absolutely useless. Offered no support and bullied them and me relentlessly with meetings, fines, threats of imprisonment. It wrecked my career and my mental health fighting for my girls needs to be met. As soon as they turned sixteen they were dropped like a hot brick.

They are now young adults with various qualifications obtained via home or college. They are all employed full-time and are progressing well in their chosen fields. They are amazing considering what they went through.

Gillian Keegan would do better to keep her mouth shut and do some actual research before making stupid, ill-informed judgements.

Couldn't agree more. Sorry your girls were so shabbily treated - it's shameful, and these government busy bodies haven't got a bloody clue!

MackenCheese · 14/07/2023 11:30

Suzisu8 · 14/07/2023 11:25

I’m in my 60’s . When I was 15 I lost my brother under tragic circumstances. The very next day the head teacher and another teacher arrived at our house. I was still in bed .
I was taken in to take a f/ t exam. On hindsight , my poor mother should have sent them packing .

This is barbaric.

Papernotplastic · 14/07/2023 11:33

’Headteachers "have a duty" to drive to the homes of absent pupils and bring them into school, the education secretary has said.’

Tell me you don’t have children/have never been a teacher without telling me you don’t have children/have never been a teacher.

Suzisu8 · 14/07/2023 11:39

I remember it clearly. Things like that stick in your head . Thank you x

Forestfriendlygarden · 14/07/2023 11:41

I thought that is what an Educational Welfare Officer is for. Heads don't have the training or the skills to do this. Or does the schools budget situation not allow for LEA's to employ Ed Welfare anymore?

Surely Gillian realises that headteachers do not exist to micro manage their teams? Or is she really that stupid?

OnToTheNextOneOntoTheNextOne · 14/07/2023 11:50

We don't call adults with mental health struggles 'work refusers' and send managers to their homes to bring them to work when signed off.

Why is it okay to think this is a solution to children's mental health issues?

How about making schools the kind of places that children want to be?

InAndOutOfTheRedBalloon · 14/07/2023 11:58

Another tale of EBSA here, over 4 DC at different schools. All DC now known to be ND in their different ways. All schools utterly rubbish, happy to ignore diagnoses, medical advice and extreme distress in order to get maximum League Table value out of my high-achieving but traumatised children who should "just be braver" or "just get on with it" or "develop resilience".

Resilience is NOT turning up repeatedly to be abused in a sitaution which is damaging to you.

The damage has been immense to all these DC and if any of those heads were to have turned up, I would have been hard pushed not to forcibly eject them, even if they felt they did need to actually view the child sobbing under their desk, or see the fresh scars of selfharm from bullying.

KateF · 14/07/2023 12:00

Thank you MackenCheese. Some truly awful things happened to them at school (bullying, physical assault, sexual harassment, being humiliated by a teacher for a medical condition).

It's about time we faced up to the fact that the education system we have now, from nursery up, is damaging children. It's based on constant judgement and takes no account of children being unique. The pressure to achieve is awful whatever the child's academic ability. Dd1 is an over anxious, perfectionist high achiever and Yr6 SATS drove her to a breakdown. Dd3 isn't academic and the fear of failing drove her to refuse school.

I don't blame teachers (although, as in any profession, there are some poor ones) but education policy over the last decade has brought us to this. Whatever happened to valuing children for who they are, with their different strengths and weaknesses? Education used to be about so much more, especially in pre-exam years. What happened to learning to love learning, learning how to learn, exploring your interests, asking questions, challenging the status quo? If you keep trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole all you achieve is damaging the peg ☹️

MargaretThursday · 14/07/2023 12:11

I know someone whose dc's school did that. (Secondary school)
They knocked on their dc's bedroom door (with their permission) and stated that if they didn't get up now and come into school with them, they'd pick them up and take them in in their pyjamas.
Child was up and dressed in 5 minutes.

Not only did it work that day, but the dc went from hardly attending to hardly missing a day.

But it takes the parents' cooperation. if the Mum hadn't said to try it, they wouldn't have done so.

lifeturnsonadime · 14/07/2023 12:19

In some circumstances it could work but for many it would be like asking the head teacher to make an anorexic child eat a donut. It's often very complicated.

That is an excellent analogy.

Wenfy · 14/07/2023 12:22

DS has ASD was bullied when she in foundation. I pulled her out until we could find her a private school because I will not put up with that. Perhaps bullying should become a crime that kids can be arrested and jailed for - might force the parents of bullies to get their heads out of their arses and parent.