Autistic toddler - please can anyone give any advice?

[Tiramisuandaglassofred]

My 3.5year old son is autistic; awaiting formal diagnosis (assessment appointment date arranged for the summer) has been seen by the local SEN advisor and EHCP applied for.
He attends mainstream preschool, seems to enjoy it.
He is physically very strong and able, he is verbal and has clear speech and a wide vocabulary but struggles with social communication ie can answer factual questions with ease but struggles answering open ended questions.
He is ok with noise and no noticeable sensory issues but does struggle with regulating his emotions ie once something does upset him it is very hard to calm him down, he also gets extremely hyper at times and hard to calm down. No danger awareness. Very loving and affectionate at home, and very friendly in general to all but he is also disinhibited and will approach literally anyone (total strangers) and get in their personal space for cuddles etc, literally as were walking down the street will struggle to break free from me to run over to a random man to try and hug.
he is very intelligent (special interest in numbers and letters) but I worry about him being able to actually pay attention in school as his ability to stay still and pay attention is so reduced.
I also really worry about him making friends with his social communication difficulties. Other kids look at him blankly a lot of the time and it breaks my heart. I worry so much he will be vulnerable to exploitation as he gets bigger.
what else can I do to help him? I hear so much about early intervention equalling best outcomes, he’s in a good preschool, he’s got his assessment appointment arranged, EHCP request sent off, what else would be useful to him?
I have so many worries going through my mind. I just want to do my best for him to have a happy, full life where he is able to keep himself safe. Any advice very gratefully received. Thanks in advance xx

Anyone?

Do you use reins so he can’t run accross the road to total strangers? I know some people don’t like them. However the can help to keep children safe.
Speech therapy can be good - the can often do more than just sounds. Eg how a conversation works. Why mum wants to know about your day.
Are there any autism charities near you they have meet ups? There you could meet other parents who could suggest therapies and interventions that have been helpful.
It’s hard but try to focus on the now rather than worrying about a future (that may not happen in the way you think)
Encourage his special interest - he enjoys it and is good at it.

My son is the same with being overly friendly with total strangers he’s constantly calling out to people , approaching them , he has no inhibitions at all and no understanding that anyone could ever have bad intentions so doesn’t understand stranger danger at all , we have to be right by his side all the time so I really sympathise with how stressful it can be. I hate it when other children do the blank staring or worse laugh at him. My dd also has autism and I’m starting to see the same happen with her and it’s so sad.

I thought they’d at least have each other and understood one another but no they can’t tolerate anyone in their personal space at all so it’s hard !!!

Would he understand a social story about personal space? You can find lots of them on the internet around different situations.

I would see if you can get occupational therapy and speech and language therapy.

Occupational therapists can help with emotional regulation. Helping someone recognise what they feel and how to respond to those feelings to help him settle.

As an aside, whilst you might think there are no sensory issues there are some extra sesnse like proprioception and interception and vestibular things that can have an impact. Not just sounds, lights and touch. For instance my son used to basically have no sense of where his body was in the space around him and apparently that could be upsetting.

The speach and language is supposed to help with social communication.

Finally finding a group of simikar children can help. (Not always) some neuroduverse children play in a different way together and form good fruendships that might look different than you are used to. Hopefully then you get some fellow parents to chat to who are going through similar.

OP they told me Speech and Language therapy wasn't just about literal words, but communication as a whole, including non-verbal communication cues, social skills, and play skills which can help with making friends and understanding boundaries and instructions. Maybe that would be a good start? Good luck he sounds very sweet and you sound like a lovely mum who is really on it x

I don’t have much advice but he sounds like my utterly brilliant 10yo.

He has matured significantly and has made a lovely group of friends and whilst life is tough sometimes he’s doing really well.

Hi, speech and language therapist here. Yes I'd get him assessed by speech and language. Occupational therapy too. Do you think you'd like him to go to a special needs school eventually? If so, I'd start looking now if its like where I am (most likely a two year wait).

Hi OP,

Sounds a lot like my son at the same age.

Super smart and could read short sentences around 3.5, spell his name, read numbers up to 3-4 digits, etc. But easily dysregulated (small things would set him off), and only connected with a few of his peers (probably fellow autistic/neurodivergent).

My main advice would be to watch his self-esteem. My son is 14 now, nearly 15. Mainstream school, very, VERY bright, but only in the past 3-4 years did he find his true fellows/tribe. Again fellow ND kids. Best friend has ADHD. He's flying now. He and several of his friends just had a "bake-off" where they brought in cookies to school and had friendly teachers act as taste judges! But raising him is and was a roller coaster. I think he was a good 9-10 before I felt he wasn't so vulnerable around other kids and had developed more of a social savvy.

Find his special interests and lean into them wherever you can, he'll find his purpose (and maybe people!) through them.

Remember Dr. Damian Milton's double empathy problem and make sure people are also trying to see thing from your son's POV.

As a parent, seeing your child "out of step" with the rest of the world can be emotionally painful but I promise being out of step isn't always bad! Or at least, in restrospect, it won't feel like such a big deal.

Sending you a virtual cup of tea.

Hi Op, your boys sounds very much like mine. DS is 5 and the most amazing boy.
We noticed some things around 18 months - 2 years and it took 2 years to get his diagnosis.
He's just finishing reception and has struggled this year as has found the classroom environment overwhelming.
Some things that have helped him have been to use now and next charts so he knows what to expect next, having a quiet area to go to when he gets distressed, he has his own desk here and a box of things which are of particular interest to him.
Noise didn't use to bother him but this has become more of an issue lately , particular in the hall at lunchtime or assemblies, so he now has noise cancelling headphones to wear when he feels overwhelmed.
We'll also be using a social story to help him adjust to going to his new class.
Like your boy he is very affectionate with adults and we are working on him giving people their personal space. He struggles to interact with the other children and can't cope with many of the group activities which does break my heart as I worry he'll be lonely but there are 1 or 2 kids that he enjoys spending time with so we will arrange more playdates over the summer to keep the friendship going.
It is a worry op but my sons school have been fantastic in putting support in place and it sounds like you're doing everything you can to get the support in place as soon as you can for him.

@Tiramisuandaglassofred hey just wondered if you had an update of how your son was doing? I am just started to go through the process of waiting for DS (3.3m)to be assessed and he sounds so similar to your little boy